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HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 10

(1000 Posts)
bobs123 Tue 02-Jun-15 17:09:13

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been ousted by a pineapple in this 1st post, but sure she will feature if the lazy caaah gets off her...
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is My Silver Lining

My name is bobs, 55, married almost 23 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted April 2014 on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 6 months which didn’t work, as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He was then given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court. Still waiting…

Link to last thread here

Link to 1st thread - if you have a spare week or so and want to read the lot here

Hobbitwife001 Tue 02-Jun-15 17:18:02

I luff the pineapple bobs but Jess might have something to say about it!
She is a diva ya know grin

Checking in for round 10......

2little2late2change4now Tue 02-Jun-15 17:31:49

Checking in too

BravingSpring Tue 02-Jun-15 17:32:21

Checking in smile

WellWhoKnew Tue 02-Jun-15 17:59:18

Oh, pineapples. My favourite fruit. Can I join?

Frizzybear Tue 02-Jun-15 18:03:30

Hello ladies

Toastandstrawberryjam Tue 02-Jun-15 18:08:17

Hello again.
Anybody thought they had a SHL who then seemed to be just S? sad

Izzie595 Tue 02-Jun-15 18:09:06

She's back!

Can't have a thread without Jessbeing on the first page.

WellWhoKnew Tue 02-Jun-15 18:13:36

There are some bad ones around, Toast. I feel for you. Are you looking for a new one?

AccordingtoMe Tue 02-Jun-15 18:14:03

The pineapple grin

<looks for spare seat>

toast I hope you are ok? what has become S about your SHL?

Toastandstrawberryjam Tue 02-Jun-15 18:22:42

I thought she was great at first. Then had a few moments when she seemed to be a bit flakey.

Three weeks ago I had to email her to ask what had happened with the draft petition as STBEH was texting me continually about it. Turns out she hadn't sent it (for 2 weeks).

Then when his solicitor got it STBEH told me the pension share box wasn't ticked. So I went back to my solicitor who told me that we hadn't discussed it and she didn't think there was one to share. I had a letter from her a month previously detailing it and the fact she thought I should go for 50%!!! Later that day she emailed me to say she had corrected the petition. Since the ive heard nothing.

I've emailed her twice to ask what the current state of play is as STBEH is now saying his solicitor still hasn't got the amended petition. I've had no reply.

I'm getting a bit fucked off to be frank. I had to prepay her a lot of money and I don't feel supported.

AccordingtoMe Tue 02-Jun-15 18:33:57

Thats not good, is there a senior partner at the firm you can contact?

Toastandstrawberryjam Tue 02-Jun-15 18:36:54

I guess there must be. Will check my paperwork. I went with her because she is the only one local to me with experience of domestic abuse cases. So I thought she would know how difficult it would be divorcing someone like him, without her not actually doing it properly.

Hobbitwife001 Tue 02-Jun-15 19:13:38

Jess didn't like being usurped by a fruity imposter...

WellWhoKnew Tue 02-Jun-15 19:15:41

Looks like Jess is about to be eaten by a wolf who hates pineapples...or is that just my eyesight failing me?

BravingSpring Tue 02-Jun-15 19:15:41

That's rubbishToast you pay all that money for a professional service and confidence things are being done properly otherwise you might as well do a diy job.

AccordingtoMe Tue 02-Jun-15 19:16:57

toast remember YOU are employing THEM!

Toastandstrawberryjam Tue 02-Jun-15 19:17:41

Well that's exactly it. It's a lot of money and I wanted to feel like I didn't have to worry about that as well. It's bad enough the mediator is utter crap without this as well.

(And I know i sound moany about it all, I'm really quite a positive person. But it's hard to stay positive when I get STBEH making fun of me for choosing a crap solicitor)

BravingSpring Tue 02-Jun-15 19:19:45

Off to Zumba, I'm not really in the mood, but tbh if i only did what I'm in the mood for at the moment I'd be staying in bed all day eating toast and drinking tea with the dog.

10 weeks till we go on our first holiday abroad, just the two of us.

AccordingtoMe Tue 02-Jun-15 19:22:06

If you can get hold of a senior partner to express your concerns toast try that avenue, you don't sound moany at all. You have paid up front for a service you are not happy with. Thats all.

Imagine if it was anything else, like a takeaway pizza that came to your door lukewarm, or a decorating job which was not up to standard.

Hobbitwife001 Tue 02-Jun-15 19:22:23

Ha ha ha wwk it does indeed...

Toastandstrawberryjam Tue 02-Jun-15 19:22:44

Where are you going to - Braving?

AccordingtoMe Tue 02-Jun-15 19:23:22

hobbit that picture is just priceless, her face!

Toastandstrawberryjam Tue 02-Jun-15 19:23:50

Tbh I suck up a lot of inferior service! Years of conditioning there.

I think from Friday to today is long enough to reply to an email?

Hobbitwife001 Tue 02-Jun-15 19:25:02

You've just described my life, braving grin

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