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Feel like I have no 'real' friends..

(9 Posts)
Lindor2828 Mon 01-Jun-15 21:31:20

I think I've noticed it much more since being a single parent, seeing all my friends with long-term partners etc.

I do have friends who I see occasionally, meet up with the kids etc or have dinner, but it's rare and despite me being on my own none of them ever bother to call me etc...even when my relationship broke down, people asked how I was but I felt no one truly cared and just wanted the gossip.

I've always invested so much into friendships and like to think of myself as a good friend, which is why I think this gets me down so much. I'm only young and very rarely go out at weekends even while my DD is with her dad.

I don't think it helps that I don't have any friends who are lone parents like myself so I feel like I have nothing in common with them now, and maybe they feel the same about me sad.

If it's like this now what is it going to be like in another 10 or 20 years? Will I make new friends in my life or is this it?

Midorichan Mon 01-Jun-15 21:41:43

"Will I make new friends in my life or is this it?"

YES. You've made this one (me, ha). You've taken the first step, i.e. reaching out to people. Here we are. We may not be conventional i.e. living next door to you etc, but we are here for you. Talk to us xxx

surereadyforchange Mon 01-Jun-15 21:46:26

I feel exactly the same, sorry I don't have any advice as I'm trying to figure it out myself.
I know the feeling of child going to their dad's and feeling young enough to want to go out on the town but not having anyone to go with.
Despite people saying enjoy time to yourself (which i do) its not quite the same as having a close friend you can call to do something with. I miss having close friends- i got so much from it.
Meeting people you really gel with is so much harder when you have children and everyone else is coupled up.
I just wanted you to know you're not alone!

Lindor2828 Mon 01-Jun-15 21:58:22

Thank you both.

I also worry that it will have a negative effect on DD that I have few friends, and may in turn affect the way she builds her own friendships. And also because she is an only child, I feel I should be out every weekend with mummy friends, having play dates etc. But there is no one. Everyone is busy with their own lives, out with their partners etc.

When I do see friends I often feel more frustrated afterwards because they don't seem Interested in what's going on in my life, what I'm doing etc. I'm always the one arranging things and making suggestions. If I suggested something on a weekend evening it would have to be a week night, because they're all spending time with partners etc. Maybe I have the wrong friends?! I just can't see myself making any more good friendships at this stage in my life (I'm only in my 20s) but I just feel old, boring and fed up!

JoyceDivision Mon 01-Jun-15 22:10:40

Ah op, big hugs...

I have, or had, a group of friends from school.

We all hung out together and our dcs of various ages got on. But then they've been meeting up without me and when dh has bumped into them its all been faux nicey nicey and dh even spotted they looked shifty.

So basically my core set of friends / only ones really, have dropped me.

I'm not too bothered for myself, its a bit shitty but hey ho.. but I am fucked off that dc have been pushed out of their social circle.

Ithink just by getting involved in other things over time you attach to different social groups.

At least I hope so. i understand what you mean in that its the dc you worry about smile

Curlywurlysue Mon 01-Jun-15 22:20:23

I know exactly how you feel, I'm also a single parent and when my daughter goes to her dads I want to make the most of my free time but I don't usually have anybody to do things with! I find weekends the worst because like you say, everybody is having couple/family time! I try to visit family on the weekends if I can, and arrange more friends play dates during the week but it is a bit rubbish feeling like you have to slot yourself into peoples lives when you can! I'm nearly always the one arranging meet ups but I think as a single parent you have to make more effort to ensure you see people regularly, whereas people in a relationship know that they have company very day/evening.

Charley50 Mon 01-Jun-15 22:23:05

Hi OP, you need to find some single parent friends, can you do it through playgroups etc, or is your DD too old? Can you join a meet up group? Or Gingerbread? Or an activity where mums congregate and opportunity to socialize? I was a single parent when my DS was little and I have to say that being friends and doing stuff with two other single mum friends was what kept me sane (and slightly tipsy!) Our kids were friends too.
It is difficult I know but you will meet people if you put in the effort. flowers

QuestioningStuff Mon 01-Jun-15 22:25:14

OP what area do you live in if you don't mind me asking?

I am also a young and (now) single parent and have no single parent friends. I have a few friends but don't get to see them often and none of them seem to 'get it' and of course how could they. It can be isolating.

Zillie77 Mon 01-Jun-15 22:39:58

Aw, that's tough! Aside from my husband and siblings and their partners, I have maybe four close friends, mostly living far away. But I do find that as I get older, there are plenty of opportunities to make friends, and not all friendships need to be very deep. Keep an eye out for people who appeal to you and don't be scared to invite people out with whom you might like to start friendships.

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