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Online dating

(32 Posts)
Nevergoingtolearn Mon 01-Jun-15 17:21:56

So I'm new to being single, feeling lonely but not really ready for a full on relationship, I have a FB but missing the chit chat and company, a friend suggested a well known dating website so I stupidly joint ( nothing to lose ), was scared to look for a week but this week I have started browsing and chatting to people. I'm not a very confident person, I don't like my body and didn't consider anyone would find me attractive so was shocked when I had several messages, today I have been chatting to several men and a old school friend ( who seems to be stalking me ), I'm feeling kind of flattered grin, a couple men have suggested meeting after we have chatted for a while and worked out that we have a lot in common but I'm nervous about meeting them.

Anyone else do online dating? How many people have you been to meet?
Tell me your good and bad stories.

nippysweetie82 Mon 01-Jun-15 17:27:05

I've been single for a few years and also just joined a dating website. I got lots of messages but only really entered into conversation with 2 of the men. One told me he lived miles away from me, I then saw him going into the house opposite mine! The other turned out to be my daughter's teacher, I hadn't recognised him as she was new to the school so we hadn't met before. I think I'll give online dating a miss!

MadeMan Mon 01-Jun-15 17:33:38

@Nevergoing You will find that you'll probably get lots of willy pictures messages whilst online dating, so even if you don't actually meet up with anyone and just use it as an ego boost to feel a bit better, it will be worth trying. smile

MadeMan Mon 01-Jun-15 17:34:51

Also, there's the current Dating Thread you can have a look at.

Nevergoingtolearn Mon 01-Jun-15 17:37:32

Lol nippy, I have found several people that I know, I am trying to hide from them but a couple have found me, I have had a few sleazy messages 'hello sexy' type thing which I have ignored, I am speaking to 3 men who all sound lovely and share similar interests, one is very hot and I don't think I would ever be brave enough to meet him, another lives quite near me and shares a hobby that I am quite into and also enjoys going to the beach, I might meet him at the end of the week, the other seems really kind, has children, has similar interests but isn't that good looking, he wants to meet up when he gets back from a trip away. I feel a bit spoilt for choice grin
Not sure if I will be brave enough to meet any of them but it's doing my confidence good just chatting to them and it makes the evenings more interesting.

Nevergoingtolearn Mon 01-Jun-15 17:39:01

I havnt had any willy pictures yet sad I have just exchanged email addresses with someone, I feel like a school girl.

Lipgloss74 Mon 01-Jun-15 20:39:12

I briefly tried online dating on the long boring evenings alone but I felt it wasn't for me. Loads of sex pests and weirdos, some apparently nice guys who you chat to them they disappear without a warning and some you send mail to that don't even have the manners to reply. I gave up, I read loads now instead and joined several meet up groups I my area and find myself doing at least an activity a week, I have also made some lovely new friends through it.
My skin is not thick enough for online dating x

Nevergoingtolearn Mon 01-Jun-15 21:24:23

Quite a few seem to disappear when I start talking about my dc. It's keeping me busy in the evenings, stops me from moping around stuffing my face. I don't know if I will arrange to meet anyone tbh. I will have a look for local groups.

Cabrinha Mon 01-Jun-15 22:47:56

On the talking about kids thing...
I have one, and with my friends talk about her all the time grin
But I'm on match and sometimes I find the guy talks a lot of children I think, hmmmm - but I'm interested in you. Do you have anything else to say?
Honestly my ideal man has kids, and my ideal outcome is I finally get to be in a "family".
But in the early stages I want them to be able to talk about more than just their kids, and ask me question about more than just mine.
My profile says I have a child, for early messaging, that's enough.

Butterchunks Mon 01-Jun-15 23:46:24

This time three years ago, I signed up for internet dating. I am now living with the man of my dreams and 8 weeks pregnant. If you are looking for true love it can happen, if you are looking for some fun that can happen too.

I tried the guardian soulmates, and okcupid. The latter was the best for me, not only was it free but you learnt the most about the people on there. As a member you can answer over 1000 different questions about every topic under the sun, some serious and some light hearted- you can also read and compare answers with the people you are browsing. You can chat with people, the phone app was good (it was then anyway), and it was a very pleasant website (unlike some dating sites like plenty of fish which can just be horrid and crude).

I went into internet dating very self conscious, low self esteem, had been single for 5+ years (and not had much luck before then tbh), and not really expecting great things to happen for me. I was really surprised at the fact that men weren't horribly repulsed by me, some actually quite like what I had to say and responded favourably to my (well selected) photos. Of course some were monosyllabic idiots or creeps but they quickly got blocked and ignored.

The first guy I met up with was nice but there wasn't any chemistry, second guy was gorgeous and funny but said he wasn't interested in anything further after a few dates. I was gutted but decided (after a few days of feeling sorry for myself) to be braver and introduced myself to every single person I saw who I quite like. I expanded my location search to a slightly wider area. This actually made me pickier as I had more men to browse.

I discarded anyone who didn't post a profile picture, I looked for a certain level of education, certain beliefs that were compatible with mine (ie I wouldn't even consider dating someone homophobic or racist etc), and looked at all the answers to their questions (which I found revealed a lot of the person's personality).

In the end though it was a complete fluke that I met the right person, they had an unusual profile picture which put me right off, I skipped past them but for some reason I went back and gave them a second chance. I knew from the moment I read their profile that I wanted to meet this man, he was unique and interesting and weird, and as it turns out perfect for me. I introduced myself, he wrote back. within a week we had swapped phone numbers and were chatting everyday, first date two weeks later and the rest is history. I don't think I could have found a better man for me, shopping around a bit definitely paid off !

my mum and step dad also met online, married 8 years now.

I hope things go well for you, and that you find what you are looking for. If there's anything you want to ask then feel free.

Butterchunks Mon 01-Jun-15 23:49:45

I should also add (after re-reading OP) okcupid had the option to state that you are just looking for friendship, not just relationships.

NHSisfubar Tue 02-Jun-15 00:39:36

I'm just moving in with my lovely bloke who I met on Tinder. I was his first ever internet date and he was put on there by younger family members. He was my 3rd date this time round (met ex online also). Just be picky with who you chat to and don't take anything too seriously or to heart as there are a few idiots around and have fun!

Nevergoingtolearn Tue 02-Jun-15 07:33:04

Thank you, I think it might be a good thing for me, in the past I have ended up with the wrong man, usually falling in love quickly before I have worked out if we are really comparable, I fell for dh very quickly, we had nothing in common and he came with a lot of baggage, if I had seen him online I would have scrolled past him. Looking online is a bit like flicking through a catalogue for a pair of shoes, I have found several men who share the same interests, have children, live near by and seem to be kind ( have chatted for a while ), it seems more sensible than meeting someone in the local pub and getting head over heels before you even know their background and interests.

Lipgloss74 Tue 02-Jun-15 15:23:07

I joined ok Cupid and only ever received mail from men overseas? hmm

Spotifymuse Tue 02-Jun-15 15:30:35

My advice is to arrange to meet up fairly quickly or at least talk on the phone rather than spending too long chatting online. People can hide lots behind an online persona and you can build up a very unrealistic picture of how funny/chatty they actually are IRL.
I've never had a single willy picture. You do need to be fairly resilient and thick skinned and despite all the crap I've now met someone on Tinder who is turning out to be very special indeed smile
Good luck with it.

madasa Tue 02-Jun-15 16:16:22

I met my DP online and we have been together 8 years.....still waiting for a willy pic though

handfulofcottonbuds Tue 02-Jun-15 18:00:25

When you first sign up to OLD, you get lots of messages as your profile is advertised a lot and also people search for new users.

If you're only looking for friendship, then it is best to say you are, there are plenty of people on there just for a confidence boost with no intention of meeting up for a date.

Personally, I avoided the ones who talk about their children or who remind me that they are their world - no s**t Sherlock. I dated some with children and it was clear they just wanted a replacement Mum from the start of the date.

Just something from your OP, you're newly single and have a FB but you're looking at OLD for a boost? I'm a great believer in having time for yourself before going into OLD.

bertsdinner Tue 02-Jun-15 19:36:37

I've been sort of looking at OLD for the last couple of months, very tentatively. I'm on Match which is ok and OK Cupid which I like. I've had quite a lot of messages but no one has yet appealed to me. I've not had any willy pics but I've had a few very young men message who are looking for an older woman, I ignore these. The best was a 22 year old (I'm 47) who wanted me to meet him and his mate. I also got a message offering me work in a porn film and one from a guy who was sat on the toilet in his profile pic And a message from a guy saying he hoped I was good at cooking.
I (obviously), didn't respond to any of these charmers, but it gave me a bit of a laugh.

Themrmen Tue 02-Jun-15 19:44:33

I met my dp on plenty of fish, we've been together 4 years and getting married but tbh it was luck more than anything as I had been on if for a few months before and only met weirdos, nutters and sex pests so closed my account but a couple of months later feeling lonely and sorry for myself reactivated my account and dp messaged next day, his first time online dating and he only lived 5 mins up the road

handfulofcottonbuds Tue 02-Jun-15 19:47:10

the other seems really kind, has children, has similar interests but isn't that good looking, he wants to meet up when he gets back from a trip away

Call me cynical, but this can mean that they are seeing how things pan out with someone they're already dating and keeping you on the back burner. By saying they're away, it keeps your interest.

Nevergoingtolearn Wed 03-Jun-15 16:33:27

Thank you for all your tips, I have chatted to quite a few men over the past few days, I'm trying to pluck up the courage to meet one of them, so far the choices are:

- local man, shares my main interest, we have been chatting for a few days and talking about meeting at the beach or going on a walk together. We are both quite outdoorsy and both beach bums.

- Really good looking (dark skin) man, seems quite forward, not sure if we have much in common as we havnt really takes much, has asked to go for a drink.

- the bloke that has gone away for the week ( I'm pretty sure he has gone away ), we have exchanged email addresses, he's not good looking, has older kids ( bonus ) and we share my biggest interest.

- A really good looking man, we share a few interests, he seems really lovely, been messaging him for a few days but after looking at his FB profile he seems a little odd, possibly on the autistic spectrum ( I do have 2 kids on the spectrum ), very tempted to meet him but I'm worried he may be a bit clingy and emotional ( I will find it hard to tell him if we are not comparable ).

- another very good (ish) looking man, likes tattoos and animals but likes heavy metal and rock music ( I don't ) and he comes with a bit of baggage, he has 2 young children from 2 different relationships and is fighting for contact for one of them.

There are a couple others but they are bottom of my list and I don't think I want to meet them.

I am worried about rejection which is why I'm a bit scared of actually meeting someone ( in case only one of us is attracted to the other ). I think I may need to grow a thicker skin.

VeryVeryDarkGrey Wed 03-Jun-15 18:07:42

If it were me i would meet number 1 and number 3. Dont discount someone on the basis of a photo...i recently went OLD and met up with one bloke whose photos were less than flattering, turns out he is much better irl and now we're a few dates in I fancy the pants off him (very unusual for me!)

VeryVeryDarkGrey Wed 03-Jun-15 18:08:44

Just go out for a quick drink with the guy, if you dont like him make an excuse and leave smile

Nevergoingtolearn Wed 03-Jun-15 19:18:51

Thank you, my gut says guy 1 and 3, they seem the most genuine and share the most interests.

I'm meeting guy 1 tomorrow, we have kind of arranged to be in the same place at the same time, wish me luck as I am bricking it, I'm quite shy at first but can also talk to much grin

Nevergoingtolearn Wed 03-Jun-15 19:19:58

Oh, and my photos look awful, I never photograph well so I'm quite surprised that I have had so much interest.

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