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Feeling isolated and like things have gone wrong

(5 Posts)
Laurenlost Sun 31-May-15 13:25:09

I wasn't sure where to put this but I suppose it's about me feeling isolated and a lack of relationships so I thought I'd post here.

I'm 27 and everywhere I look, my school/uni friends or other people my age or younger seem to be getting married or engaged, having children and settling down. Up until last year, I was in a serious relationship which I thought would lead to these things. He left me with no real explanation and is now with another woman who is pregnant. I've been on a few dates since then (mainly through online dating as I work long hours in a very female dominated job) but I haven't felt any kind of spark with anyone since. I've now been single for about 10 months with no prospect of that changing soon.

I feel really isolated and disconnected from other people my age, almost like an alien. I don't have any close friends any more (many moved back to their home towns after uni or we have drifted apart because our lives are so different now.) On the outside, people seem to think I'm confident and happy. Work colleagues have said this before but I'm really not. Sometimes I get depressive, intrusive thoughts, though I would never act on any of these.

I read an article in the news this morning about how waiting to have children until the age of 30+ is not recommended by medical professionals as many people have difficulty conceiving. This really upsets me because I have always wanted children (I work with them daily as i work in education) and I haven't even met anyone I'd want children with yet. I feel like I'm running out of time. It's even worse because I recently found out that my ex partner is having a baby with someone else and it's all happened so quickly. Most people I know have already had children and I'm definitely in the minority among my peers.

I used to be happier than I am now. I lived and studied abroad for a while but I've recently moved back with my parents until I sort things out. That feels like something I've failed at as well, although they are happy to have me here. (I have a disabled sibling which takes its toll on my parents so I try to give them a break with care when I'm not working.)

I've tried to meet new people but most women have other priorities or I think they find me boring because I'm quite a quiet person and I enjoy theatre/literature which most people in their 20s in my area don't seem to be in to. I'm thinking of joining a drama group soon but I'm trying to build up the confidence to go along.

I sometimes don't know where things went wrong. It sounds silly but when I was younger, the life I imagined at 27 was nothing like the way it's turned out. I guess I'm looking for reassurance that it's not all as bleak as it seems and things will be ok.

nicenewdusters Sun 31-May-15 14:35:05

I think you've reached a stage that many people in their twenties do. You've done the whole study, travel, work, dating thing, and for some they're now in the buying a home, boyfriend/husband, baby stage. It's all really a lottery, and things can change in the blink of an eye.

You're young, healthy, well-educated, you've travelled, have a good job, some experience of being in a relationship. Ok so you're back at home just now. Those other twenty somethings crippled by massive rents or mortgages would probably love to swap with you for a few months, just to give them a breathing space. You can bet the twenty something mums at the toddler groups, and those getting up at some ungodly hour to their crying baby, would also sometimes fancy a few hours of carefree singledom.

Don't compare yourself to others, you never know their story. I had my kids in my thirties, best thing I ever did. Don't think I made a plan in my life until a couple of years ago, life will just happen. Don't hold your breath and wait, just go with the flow. You sound lovely and caring, enjoy what you have now, and be open minded about what may come.

Bumpkin2 Sun 31-May-15 15:19:22

I know it's only a small part of your concern but I really think that the over 30 thing is completely over exaggerated. All my family had children over 30, as did most of the friends I have with children.

I got pregnant with my daughter the first month of trying at 32, I'm now pregnant again. I went to the hospital and they told me I'd need treatment that would stop me having children, if I wanted another then they gave me a couple of months to conceive. Only tried once and got pregnant then. Not everyone over 30 may get pregnant as easily but then not everyone under does either. You've got plenty of time to have children, I understand the lack of friends thing but focus your energy on how to help that rather than worrying about children x

thisisnow Sun 31-May-15 15:30:34

At 27 I felt the same, it's a funny age. Now I'm approaching 30, living back with parents too and nowhere near being "sorted" but it's okay (I think) a lot of people are in the same situation. Also regarding the baby over 30 thing, I think that's just scaremongering, I know a lot of women over 30 who had no problems getting pregnant, you may have problems but then you might not so there's no point stressing about it.

The drama club seems like a great idea, I've been to a few meetup groups and it's amazing how many people are in a similar situation.

Also I think it's really nice that you're giving your parents a break with helping with your sister every now and again, I bet they love having you there and they must really appreciate the support.

Sounds like you need to do a few things that make you happy, join the drama club or a book club and you might meet some likeminded people!

Sundayfunday Sun 31-May-15 16:20:02

Lauren I could have written your post myself!!! I wrote one earlier about 'living happily ever after.'

I too enjoy literature and theatre! Just as an aside...

If you want to PM me I would love that, I feel identical to how you feel and too went a family so much, or at least be on the way to one!

Hope you are ok.

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