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Feeling a bit sorry for myself(14 Posts)
Hi all, sorry this is probably me being a bit pathetic but I'm just feeling really down at the moment and am hoping some of you have some uplifting stories to help bring me back up.
I'm 28 and have just been through a break up from the guy who I thought was 'the one'. I'm looking around me at my friends and siblings who are all getting engaged/buying properties/moving in with their other halves and am really depressed that I'm now starting again at square one. I really thought I'd be engaged and living with my partner by now but instead I'm single and trying to buy a property on my own (very hard in this area and in the current market).
I know it's a cliché but I'm just worried I won't find anyone or that by the time I do it will be too late for me to have children or even that if I do manage to get a flat on my own that it will scare men off because it might make me look too independent/set in my ways. I always pictured buying my first property with my husband/fiancé but would like some security now I'm on my own.
Sorry just read that all back and it does sound really pathetic but if anyone has any stories about themselves/friends/relatives who were single at my age but then met someone and got married and had children please share them with me so I can have a bit more faith that I will eventually find happiness. And if you think I'm being ridiculous please go easy on me - I'm not in a great place right now. Thank you.
I spent from 17 to 44 looking for the one but ended up in relationships that ultimately left me unhappy, emotionally abused and bereft of love. Im 50 now and finally realise that it's better to be alone than with someone rather than be alone. You have to be comfortable in yourself before being with someone so that you know you can make it alone and not be with someone as it's the better option. Take this time to live yourself. You are so young and when the time is right you will meet someone. Not because it's better than being alone but because they enhance your life and make you happy.
I was in your position at 28 although had already bought a house (them were the days!)
I met my DH when I was 32 and we split up when I was 42 (my instigation) - we have 3 children.
I'm 44 now - have a FWB but no realistic prospect of remarrying until the DCs are older if ever.
I know where you are coming from. A lot of people meet their 'other halves' at an early age, settle down, seem happy and content.
In my grandparents' and even my parents' generation, you got married and stayed married even though you were not happy. People stayed married because that's what you did: the concept of personal happiness what not really an issue.
A lot of people now don't meet their soul mates but drift from one relationship to another or stay single. Not everyone is lucky.
You on the other hand are still too young to determine whether or not you will be lucky or unlucky in love. It may work out for you or it may not. You have to live life to the fullest whatever happens. If Mr Right comes along then great; if not, it's also good.
There are many advantages to being single and also many disadvantages. I get down occasionally and lonely but on the whole I'm busy with work/kids/family/friends so I don't worry.
Thanks both for your replies but honestly I was hoping for slightly happier endings! Surely someone out there knows someone who was single at 28 and has ended up happily married with kids??
Just to be clear, I do know that you need space and time to heal and find yourself again after a break up - I'm not trying to rush into anything new and will definitely take time on my own for a bit. But I'm more looking for a bit of hope that eventually it will all work out.
Me!! I broke up from a six year relationship at 28 and bought my first house alone. Four months before my 30th I got together with my current partner and we're getting married at the end of this year please don't worry, you're in a great position to feel independent for a while and be in a good place to meet someone you can have the future you want with.
I was single at 28 and am now married with 3DC's I had bought my own flat and still own it in fact.
There is no guarantee you will find someone but you are still young. I would advise you to look for the thing you can appreciate about being single and focus on enjoying them. Don't plan around a man as you'll put so much pressure on yourself (and the guy...).
Enjoy the freedom
I was single and heartbroken at 28- again. Decided I was having some time to myself and not going out on any dates. Spent almost a year just looking after me, sold my flat, bought a house, got a cat, just made sure I was happy in my skin and mind and home.
Then I unexpectedly met someone and he was just right. No baggage- had. been doing the same as me.We were both ready for it. We got married about 15 months later and five years later (5 years we spent having a lovely time together) had DS who is now almost 6 months and we are contemplating another baby. DH is really my other half. We just fit and he is everything I ever wanted in a man. Drives me mad of course at times but I love him to bits and he does me - tells me and shows me every day.
At 28 I was married & joyfully talking about starting a family.
Good job we didn't-he was having an affair & she was pregnant!
4yrs later I married again & have been married for 20yrs.
I was 30 and worried for all the same reasons...already owned a one bed house. Realised I was in a rut, got a new job, moved area for it, let out house and rented a room in a shared house to get me started. At 31 I was living with somebody and now at 35 I've married him and have two amazing little boys with him. Everything happened so quickly for me, but I did make a few changes to get things moving.
I found myself single at 28, thought I'd never meet someone! after a few years of an unsuitable relationship and various fun flings, I met the man who is now my DH at 32. Married at 35 and I'm about to give birth to our first anytime soon However, for this to happen I had to be in the right place and happy with me. For a long time after my break up, I wasn't, hence the unsuitable relationship. My advice would be enjoy these precious years, and have faith it will all work out. He's out there, so why not have lots of fun first?
Totally normal to feel like this after a break up, I'm feeling it too ( split from my dh a month ago ), I'm 33 and most of my friends are married or in stable relationships, everywhere I look I see people holding hands and enjoying each other's company. I'm lonely but the thought of starting all over again with another relationship is very scary.
I'm going to try and have fun and not look for a serious relationship in the hope that one day it will just happen.
I think the worst thing you can do is focus on being "partnered up" above everything else there is to life, what do you want to do with your life? do you have any ambitions? want to travel any specific places?
Maybe you will meet someone along the way!
"even that if I do manage to get a flat on my own that it will scare men off because it might make me look too independent/set in my ways"
Get your own security sorted out, as even if you are married, there are no guarantees. What sort of a man would be scared off by that? One you wouldn't want.
(Just to cheer you up, I didn't meet my DP until I was 30, subsequently had children a few years later. We've been together happily for 20+ years.)
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