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I am shaking.... (long, sorry)

(135 Posts)
iHAVEtogetoutofhere Thu 28-May-15 17:55:08

We had window cleaners. A new firm.
On their first visit they knocked a large heavy glass animal feedbottle (which was on a pen) and smashed it. They said nothing and didn't attempt to clear it up but left shards of glass everywhere. I noticed as I paid and they admitted it. I asked to dock a bit of the money and the lad said he'd 'speak to the boss'. Nothing came of it and over the next two visits they trampled the flower bed and leaned their ladders against the car so I cancelled further visits. They have come knocking the last 3 months and I have repeated the 'not wanted' each time.

today the boss knocks on the door - 'do you want your windows done'. So I say: 'no, not for last 3 months'. He then says: 'where is my money - you owe me £20 from 3 months ago and you have been asked 3 times and had excuses'. I said I had not. He said he had spoken to H and I should text him. I explained he is not contactable at work but I would speak to him tonight and he said he'd come back tomorrow.
I txt H but no reply. I ask him when he comes home and he says: 'they didn't speak to me'.
Then the window cleaners lad comes round. 'Where is the money'? I go through it with him, say I don't think we owe it as no requests or card left in postbox etc but I don't want a fight so I find my purse which has £10 in. I am not going out as I have sick child at home. So I offer him the £10, explain about the glass water feedbottle and say: 'so is that okay?'. He says yes.

10 mins later the boss comes round: 'what the feck is this?' waving the £10 at me. I explain and he says: hamster bottles are made of plastic and cost a quid. I say: it isn't a hamster and it is glass with a special holder, see here is the replacement and I fetch it and show him. He ignores me. Then he says they didn't break it anyway. I say they did and explain again. I say: 'also the flower bed and the ladders against the car'. He gets really angry and says, in my face: 'you are talking shite, you bitch' and kicks the gate really hard as he storms off.
Child inside hears him shouting.

H comes back 5m later. I tell him of altercation. He says: 'well there was £20 pinned up for about 2 weeks for the window cleaner, months ago.' I say: but you paid them that didn't you? - it's gone? He says: nothing to do with me, your job'. I say: why didn't you say this earlier? He says: you didn't ask. I am feeling quite upset by his 'nowt to do with me' approach and say I feel sad that he doesn't seem to care that I felt frightened by the window man.
He says: well, I'm not getting involved, what do you want me to do, punch him??? I say, no, of course not, but you could telephone or write. He says: 'no point, its over now' and starts storming around the kitchen. He bumps his head on a wall unit door which I inadvertently left open. It was not a hard bump but I expect it gave him a shock. He slams it with force, screams at me that: 'it is all your fault. you always always make trouble' and storms off. This is his default response to feeling 'under pressure'.
Sometimes if I handle it VERY carefully and he doesn't feel he has to DO anything, he can be okay (ish) but I tiptoe around this, all the time.

I am now supposed to cook the tea and not upset anyone.
But I feel upset.
I know this isn't AIBU but am I?
Maybe I did make a mistake about the window cleaner?
Maybe I shouldn't have implied H should phone or write to protest at the window guy's approach.
I knew he wouldn't but I did want need him to show some concern.
I have experience of a very violent man as a child and I get scared quite easily. H knows that.
(if you think I'm being a twit, please be kind about it).

Zippidydoodah Thu 28-May-15 17:58:35

You poor thing!! You are most certainly not a twit, and it sounds like your husband has dented your self esteem, tbh. flowers you shouldn't be tiptoeing around someone who is supposed to love you.

skaterwell Thu 28-May-15 17:58:58

Sorry this happened to you. I would report to 101, it sounds like very intimidating behavior on their part which is just not on.

And your husband is acting like a total dick and I would consider LTB if I'm really honest.

Hoppinggreen Thu 28-May-15 17:59:42

The only thing relevant here is that your H is an aggressive and possibly abusive arsehole, that's what you need to think about rather then the window cleaner ( who is also an arsehole by the sounds of it)

Zippidydoodah Thu 28-May-15 18:00:16

Agree about reporting the window cleaners, and in pretty sure if I was you, my dp would have something to say to them!!

theconstantvacuumer Thu 28-May-15 18:00:16

That does sound very frightening and the response, or lack of, from your DH is appalling. Can you take yourself off to a friend's for a cup of tea and shoulder to cry on until you feel a bit steadier?

Humansatnav Thu 28-May-15 18:03:14

Your husband is an arsehole, and so is your window cleaner

Finola1step Thu 28-May-15 18:03:19

Hold on, you ate abused by a stranger on your doorstep. And your so called dh blames you for that as well as for banging his head. Have I read that right?

Zucker Thu 28-May-15 18:04:31

Oh what a time of it. Yes I do think you have to get out of there as your username suggests.

*This is his default response to feeling 'under pressure'.
Sometimes if I handle it VERY carefully and he doesn't feel he has to DO anything, he can be okay (ish) but I tiptoe around this, all the time.* This isn't an okay way to have to live your life. Please think about your future, what do you want?

The asshat window men? call the police. Ignorant effers just trying to scare you.

brew and flowers for you.

JamForTea Thu 28-May-15 18:06:17

You should not be tiptoeing around your husband's moods. The window cleaner should be reported as well but it sounds like this incident has just highlighted your husband's horrible behaviour. It's hardly likely that someone who 'tiptoes' around another person is a troublemaker as he implies is it?

Cupofchino Thu 28-May-15 18:06:39

The window cleaners were rude, unprofessional and intimidating. But they've gone, and if they come back don't answer.

The bigger problem here I think I your husband...he sounds horrible.

My DH would have gone mad at someone treating me like that in my own home...I'm sorry he was less than supportive when you were scared and upset. flowers

Debinaround Thu 28-May-15 18:10:47

The window cleaner and your husband both sound complete and utter wankers. angry

Hopefully that will be the last you see of the window cleaner and his shoddy service.

As for your husband, he is a pathetic wimp and sounds to me like he shat himself when you told him what had happened incase you wanted him to actually stand up for you. (I had an ex like that).

He knows most husbands would be furious with their wife being spoken to like that and was too frightened to even pick the phone up.

I wouldn't be making his tea tonight, the bellend, I would open the wine and have a nice long bath and leave him and his bumped head to make his own bloody tea. thanks

Snozberry Thu 28-May-15 18:11:59

Even if you owed the cleaner £1000 he shouldn't be intimidating you on your doorstep, kicking the gate and yelling ffs. If he tries it again and you feel scared and threatened call the police.

Your H is making it worse by being such an arse, I don't know what to say but his reaction to things is his problem, you didn't do anything wrong by telling him your problems rather than hiding it incase it sets him off, no one should live like that.

MayDivorceBeWithYou Thu 28-May-15 18:13:11

That's disgusting misogynist behaviour from window cleaner and your husband isn't much better. I seriously need to heat about some good men at the moment as this shit is too common.

Work on your self esteem. You're not in the wrong.

RJnomore Thu 28-May-15 18:14:18

Shit. I got 2/3 the way through thinking the problem was the window cleaners then realised that the problem actually is that your husband is a gigantic arse.

No yabu at all. Can you make a cuppa and sit down for five to stop shaking and read all the good a advice I'm sure you will get?

BadgersNadgers Thu 28-May-15 18:58:05

Are the window cleaner and your husband related? They sound like they both fell out of the same bastardknobhead tree.

Pepperpot99 Thu 28-May-15 19:10:05

wankers, the pair of them. Your dh is a serious knobend.

Pepperpot99 Thu 28-May-15 19:10:52

Also, can you name and shame these bastard window cleaners?

RenataFlitworth Thu 28-May-15 19:14:39

YANBU flowers

lanbro Thu 28-May-15 19:16:34

In our family we say pity the fool who upsets me or our dc....your dh should have your back regardless of what happened!

LumpySpacedPrincess Thu 28-May-15 19:22:32

The window cleaner is a bully, so is your dh.

Ohfourfoxache Thu 28-May-15 19:24:15

Fucking hell shock

The window cleaner sounds like an utter cunt, a misogynistic twat who should be reported to 101.

Your "D"H - wow. He sounds like a complete arsehole. You have to tiptoe around him? That's not a partnership, that's a bloody sentence sad

lunalelle Thu 28-May-15 19:26:02

Your husband is a nasty man and you deserve a lot better. My DH can be a bit annoying sometimes (as can I , no doubt) but there is no way on earth he would have some guy talking to me like this.

I would call 101 for advice about the window cleaner. Damaging your property is a crime, as is threatening behaviour.

Bannerstaying Thu 28-May-15 19:28:03

That's so awful OP! There must be some way to safely report them imagine what they are like with others more vulnerable. 101?

iHAVEtogetoutofhere Thu 28-May-15 19:30:13

Thank you for replying.
I didn't post hoping everyone would say: 'ooh, you're soooo right' but I was hoping for a bit of straight talking from strangers if I was being a twit.

It is hard when you get sudden aggression from a male person on your step and in your face. They were at my door 3 times in all, with the 1st and last visit being really quite scary (to me, anyway).

Having H behave like this is not a surprise, sadly.
I lurk on the relationship boards and see the comments about someone 'showing you who they are' and he does, he really does.
And what he shows is horrible.

One of our children has SEN which is ignored by the LEA. We have protested and they have, effectively, tried to bully us into silence. Child is also bullied at school. It's been an awful awful slog but mostly by me.
Now H cant be bothered to go to the meetings anymore. Says: 'it's pointless'. I understand his frustration, but it is a process we need to go through to get to the next step.

I cant shake the feeling that, in times of trouble (which we are having atm), H wouldn't 'stand up for the children'.

He doesnt seem to have any sense of 'family loyalty' (except to his elderly parents). He refers to them as 'my family' (which they are) but us as: 'you lot who drive me mad / tire me out / piss me off' etc.

And he would actually 'turn' on me as seeing me in any sort of distress seems to bring out the very worst in him.

I had a horrible time as a child and had some poor relationships in my 20's. I waited a long time to get married and have children and it looks like I made another poor choice.

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