child protection conference

[djrmrcbhyvf]

Today the dcs and I have received invitations to a child protection conference. A social worker came once to see dh and the dcs, I was in hospital at the time so did not see him. He has not made any attempt to speak to me since. The conference is at the 6th form of the dcs school so they do not want to go. The leaflet says we need to let our views be known but views on what?
I know SS see me as the issue due to MH problems as they have checked with dh that he is home to look after them and not working away as he often does.
What input can the dcs have as none of us know what plan they want?
I suspect they want me out of the picture which would solve all their problems but I also know this is the last thing the dcs want. It would also leave them open to abuse from my mother as dh let's her take over and my issues stem from her narcissistic parenting.
Have also read some positive horror stories on here about heavy handed SW so very worried about what could happen

[AnyoneForTennis]

Sorry to hear this, stressful time for you! How old are your dc?

[goddessofsmallthings]

Have you been given any indication of who will be chairing the conference, how many professionals (names/job titles/organisations they represent) have been invited, and whether it will include teachers/heads of year? Will it be held in school time and when is it scheduled to take place - please don't give the exact date as indication of whether it's next week, within the next fortnight, or later will suffice.

How long ago did the social worker visit your dh/the dcs and was your hospital stay necessitated by your MH problems - if so, were you sectioned?

Are you receiving ongoing treatment for these problems and do you have a dedicated MH case worker? During the course of whatever treatment you have received, have you disclosed/discussed your mother's abusive nature?

Why does your dh let your dh let your mother take over? Is it a case of her living nearby and being too conveniently on hand if he is unable to be there when the dc return home from school or similar? Is she aware of the forthcoming conference? Is there a possibility that she may attempt to muscle in on it?

Please don't be alarmed by the above questions - I suspect that the conference may be more about covering SS backs routine procedure than an inquistion of the type you may be envisaging but, nevertheless, forewarned is forearmed

[ChopinLiszt]

I went through one of these yesterday. For absolutely no reason at all. I can see that if what they thought was true then my children would be at risk - but it isn't. They had no proof and didn't listen to anything I said. They were rude, judgemental and generally horrible.

I don't say this to scare you, but so you go in prepared. I also have MH issues which I felt they really judged me for.

Suffice to say that I will never, ever voice insecurities or low points ever again.

[Handywoman]

SS need to make clear the nature of their concerns. That is your right under the child protection process.

Call SS and ask to speak to the SW.

[goddessofsmallthings]

What you've described is unacceptable, Chopin

Was the panel comprised solely of social workers or were other disciplines represented?

Have you been informed as to when you can expect to learn the outcome, or did they conclude that no further action would be taken and your case would be closed?

[goddessofsmallthings]

If you call SS and speak to the social worker or his/her admin/colleague, OP, you are best advised not to engage in any conversation other than requesting that the child protection concerns which have given rise to the need for a conference are conveyed to you in writing not later than 5 working days before the date on which it will take place together with a list of those who have been invited to attend.

[ChopinLiszt]

There was an independent chair, minute taker, policewoman, head of dcs school and ex partner.

They claim my daughter has told multiple people a certain fact. This fact is absolutely untrue and my dd does not lie. So therefore there has been a miscommunication somehow. They refuse to accept this and instead clearly think I'm lying.

I was made out to be lying about several things; one of which I categorically proved I wasn't.

It was utter hell. Hell. The most mortifying, traumatising thing I have ever been through.

[goddessofsmallthings]

OMG. Do you have support for your MH issues from a community care team or similar, Chopin?

Were you told at any time that you were entitled to be accompanied by a supportive friend/MH worker?

If it's too raw/sensitive for you to start your own thread, pm me if you feel you need a listenng ear to offload or to help you process yesterday's traumatic event.

[Lavenderice]

Hi OP. The purpose of an Initial Child Protection Conference is to assess whether there are any risks, and if there are what level of support needs to be in place. There should be the allocated Social a Worker, their manager and an independent chair person who should speak with you privately before the conference begins to let you know what to expect. Police, a rep from the school, school health and health visitor (if your children still have one) and a safeguarding nurse will have all been invited.

If you have support for your MH (Community mental health, etc) you are in your rights to ring the Social Worker and request that they attend.

The outcome could be one of the following no further action, children be placed on a child protection plan or a child in need plan. Either of the last 2 will mean your DC's will be (eventually) allocated a longer term Social Worker and there will be monthly meetings as well as Review Conferences every 6 months.

Hope this helps.

[djrmrcbhyvf]

Dcs are 12 & 13
Chopin that is exactly my worry. They have made no attempt to contact me until today when I got an email saying I must see the SW before the conference to feedback on his report and that I should prioritise this due to the importance to the dc. So what about getting my input before he wrote the report?! I have no confidence in the meeting - am convinced the decisions are already made.
Goddess it is next week in school time. Not been told who is going except my CHTT and care coordinator say they have been invited. I was sectioned couple of months ago which is what started this but last time in hospital was after an od. No treatment yet as still too soon it appears - everything seems to take forever!
The SW saw dh 2 weeks ago. Apparently they are concerned about physical and emotional harm to the dc. He is going to drop the report off tomorrow so I will ask him to also let us know who is attending.
I disclosed mother's nature - she is the reason for my diagnosis - but to the psychologist, not sure how much of this is known outside. Dh let's her take over as he cannot comprehend what she is like and of course it is easy for him as she lives very close.
Will it look very bad if I do not go? Not sure I can face it in the circumstances and with lots of people there

[Lavenderice]

OP Something your children must have said when they spoke to the Social Worker must have given them cause for concern. I know it's scary but please meet with the Social Worker, they should stay with you while you read the report and they will ask you for your feedback which should be recorded. I know that you don't want to hear is, but it will be better for you if you attend. If you don't the problem will not go away but it will be recorded that you didn't engage.

[Selks]

Is there a part of the story missing here, OP? In my experience it doesn't go straight to CP conference without an assessment having been done first, could that have taken place while you were in hospital? Have they shared the outcome of the assessment with you or DH?
If you feel too unwell to go then I would say let DH go in your place, as long as you feel he would adequately represent your point of view. But definitely do meet with the social worker - you need to know what their concerns are.

[EachPeachPearPlum83]

I agree with Lavenderice OP. It's important for you to attend if you can to get your feelings and POV heard. I know it's scary, and it won't feel like it now, but they are doing this to try and support you and your DCs in the best way they can.

I've attended many of these conferences as a professional and I assure you, no decisions are made beforehand. It is based on the information shared at the meeting. By being there, you can answer their questions and try and allay their fears. Will your DH be there to support you?

[goddessofsmallthings]

How old are your dc and will your dh be attending the conference?

I'm pleased to learn that you will have ample opportunity to study the report before being required to make any response to it, OP.

However, in the event that the social worker who delivers the report insists on being present while you read the content with the expectation that you will comment immediately thereafter, I would advise you to state that your MH issues currently dictate that you need time to fully comprehend the written word and that you or an accredited MH worker will give your response prior to, or during, the meeting.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Something your children must have said when they spoke to the Social Worker must have given them cause for concern

The above is merely an assumption on your part, *Lavenderice', and one which may compromise the safety of the OP's dc if, indeed, they are at risk of physical harm from their dm.

[Lavenderice]

My 'assumption' is based on experience. I am a Social Worker. The social worker has spoken to the children and they have concerns regarding " emotional and physical abuse". I'm not accusing the OP of anything, but there has to be some concerns for an Initial Child Protection to take place.

[Lavenderice]

These concerns may be unfounded, but this is why the conference is happening. All attendees, including the OP, will discuss their opinions at the conference and an majority decision has to be reached.

[djrmrcbhyvf]

Lavenderice you are confirming my views that SW deal in supposition rather than facts. It has nothing to do with what the dcs said as they had already decided to put them on the CP plan before they saw them. Neither child wants me to be excluded from the family home but this is what it will come to thanks to people like you jumping on the bandwagon and making unfounded assumptions that cannot then be refuted - the fact that there is no evidence is irrelevant you just use the "might be at risk in the future" strap line and push it through regardless.
I imagine dh will be going to the conference but he does not understand my MH issues and naively believes SS are there to help and support.
I can see myself being on the streets in a week - better do some research on homelessness ....

[Lavenderice]

I'm sorry OP, I thought you meant that your DC's had been spoken to and that's why the conference had been called. If this was not the case then there must have been a referral from somebody else.

In your OP you asked what might happen and who would be invited to the conference, I thought I was being helpful on giving you the processes that will be followed. I'm not going to get into an argument with you as this is obviously a very stressful situation. I wish you the best of luck for the future.

[Slutbucket]

Are you and your husband seperated? You don't sound like you are on the same page at all which is not helping the situation.
What is your diagnosis OP?

[djrmrcbhyvf]

We are separated now. I got the report last night and it confirmed that just by me being ill I am causing significant emotional harm to the dcs. Apparently the CMHT have tried everything and nothing has helped. There is nothing in there about what will be in the CP plan.
Having read all that and about how things were better when I was in hospital I decided I had to leave home so I did. Slept rough last night and will be doing for the foreseeable future unless the whole thing becomes unbearable and I take the permanent solution.

[bronya]

OP, I used to teach and have seen children in very similar situations. What I know for sure is that your children need you, in whatever state you are in. Don't for one minute think they are better without you, it simply isn't true. You love them. Live for them. Use the concerns to fight for treatment sooner. By all means stay with a friend if you need to while you are ill, but illness is temporary. They will be sad while you are ill but that sadness will not be forever. A friend of mine went through very dark times a decade or so ago. She is now happy, healthy and thriving. That could be you. Do NOT give up. For the love you bear for those gorgeous children, who not only need you alive now but who will need you there in the future.

[goddessofsmallthings]

and seething with anger at the way you and your family have been treated by those jobsworths who should know better.

My darling girl, please let me help you get through this nightmare. Can you be online for a while and can you pm me your general locaton so that I can make some calls to arrange accomodation for you for tonight?

If you have a mobile phone with you please pm your number and I'll make contact with you - be assured that anything you disclose to me will be for my eyes only and will NEVER be divulged to another living soul.

There is absolutely no need for you to sleep rough as your local authority have a statutory duty to house you because you are a 'vulnerable adult'.
I'm sure you want nothing to do that particular organisation but housing is an entirely separate department to the one that appears to be instrumental in causing you unnecessary stress.

Have you been in contact with your dh since you left to let him know you're safe? If he hasn't heard from you he may have reported you missing to the police and will no doubt be out of his mind with worry - as will your dc.

As bronya has said, there's no need for despair - you CAN and WILL get through this and I will do my utmost to help you.

[IonaMumsnet]

Evening folks. We just wanted to drop by with a reminder that although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, not everyone on the internet is who they say they are. We've no reason to disbelieve anything on this thread at all - don't worry - but that's always our advice.
OP - we do hope you get everything sorted out. Best of luck with it. Thank you to everyone who has offered advice already.

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

Leaving your home and sleeping rough as a result of reading a conference report is not reasonable or proportionate behaviour. There was zero need for you to do that. Please return home and first thing tomorrow call your care coordinator or mental health worker because you are not thinking clearly.