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The father !! Grrr

(24 Posts)
singlemammy Wed 27-May-15 22:30:23

Feeling annoyed. Sons dad throws remote and a roll of tape at him tonight. Also just sat a ate full cheese cake in front of poor wee soul. He won't leave and i have dog

0x530x610x750x630x79 Wed 27-May-15 22:35:28

has the world gone crazy tonight, driving on the prom, and now dogs confused

singlemammy Wed 27-May-15 22:36:38

?

SassyPasty Wed 27-May-15 22:47:19

And what did you do when this person threw objects at your son? Your OP isn't very explanatory, can you give a fuller picture?

singlemammy Wed 27-May-15 22:58:13

He blames it on my son. His a man child who will not leave the house . I would leave now if it wasn't for the dog. Didn't say anything as didn't want to upset son more

star8369 Wed 27-May-15 23:34:20

if he refuses to leave call the police and have him removed

singlemammy Wed 27-May-15 23:42:17

Tried that before and I get made to feel the bad one

inlectorecumbit Wed 27-May-15 23:45:56

well try it again. Phone the police
What is the story about the dog. Can you not take it with you?

Cabrinha Wed 27-May-15 23:49:05

Your son's father assaults him, throwing objects at him, and you're staying for the dog? hmm
Call the police again.

singlemammy Wed 27-May-15 23:53:24

I really have no were to go. I would be concerned for the dog. I really don't understand what I could do

sadwidow28 Wed 27-May-15 23:58:30

Phone 101 and explain that your son has been assaulted by his father:

Sons dad throws remote and a roll of tape at him tonight

I love my dog, but it would never put a child in danger in order to stay with him.

The police will assist in removing the dog to RSPCA - you may have to make a small donation for his upkeep/food whilst the dog is in their care.

Cabrinha Thu 28-May-15 00:00:23

Can you speak to Women's Aid? They'll talk you through your options and they'll have experience of people needing to rehome animals permanently or temporarily.

Adarajames Thu 28-May-15 00:10:29

Dogs trust work in partnership with women's aid to offer foster homes for dogs to enable women to leave abusive relationships, so there are options out there if you decide leaving is the right thing to do

singlemammy Thu 28-May-15 00:15:29

I didn't know that. Thank you for your help.

sadwidow28 Thu 28-May-15 00:46:19

WOMEN'S AID

Freephone 24 hr National domestic violence helpline
Run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge

PHONE: 0808 2000 247

Email: helpline@womensaid.org.uk

Message from Women's Aid

We will respond to your email within 3 working days. The National Domestic Violence Helpline can only offer limited information by email as we don't have the resources to provide on-going support or in-depth information in this way. If you require an urgent response or need in-depth emotional support please contact the Freephone 24 hour Helpline on 0808 2000 247. When you email the Helpline it's very important that you specify when and if it is safe to respond and to which email address. Your safety is our main concern.

www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=000100010018§ionTitle=Contact+Us

singlemammy Thu 28-May-15 00:57:26

Would you say it was cause to leave ?

MissSmiley Thu 28-May-15 01:01:38

Did he actually throw the remote at your son on purpose? Did it hurt him?
I couldn't stay with someone who did that. Is it the first time he has hurt your son?

Kleptronic Thu 28-May-15 01:02:40

Yes it is cause to leave. You don't actually need a cause, you can just leave because you want to. Throwing things at children is to me though an absolutely mandatory reason to leave. Line crossed, bags packed, out of there.

MissSmiley Thu 28-May-15 01:03:25

How old is your son? Not that it should make any difference. What had he done to "annoy" his father?

goddessofsmallthings Thu 28-May-15 01:22:20

How old is your ds and what was his reaction to his father's behaviour? Did the remote or the tape strike him? Is this first time he's been subjected to physical abuse of this nature and does his father verbally abuse him?

Was the cheesecake intended to be shared between the 3 of you? What point was he making when he ate all of it?

On the occasion when you called the police was it because he was abusing you or his son?

IMO what he did tonight is more than cause for you and your ds to leave this odious excuse for a man, but it seems to me you may have grounds to apply for a court order which will require him to leave.

singlemammy Thu 28-May-15 01:52:42

Ds is 8. Yes both items striked him and he cried out. Not the 1st time it's happend and yes his father is verbally abusive daily. He ate the cake in sheer greed, would take the last biscuit if that's all we had

goddessofsmallthings Thu 28-May-15 04:31:39

If being struck by the items has left a mark, or marks, on your ds PLEASE take him to your GP today and (no matter how small or trivial they may appear to you) have these non-accidental injuries recorded in his medical notes.

Make it clear to the doctor that this is not the first time your ds has been struck/had items thrown at him by his father and that your ds is being subjected to verbal abuse on a daily basis. Reassure your son that is safe for him to tell the doctor how his father behaves towards him and, if necessary, reassure him that you intend to make sure he will not be able to harm him again.

The doctor will be obliged to make a referral to the police and social services but don't be scared of any 'official' intervention as each of these authorities have the power to require your partner/husband/child's father to live elsewhere pending further investigation of your child's case and, in addition, should it be necessary ss may be able to prevail on the council's housing department to provide alternative/temporary housing for you.

In the event that there are no marks, do please consider taking your son for a general health check as it's often the case that children who are abused fail to thrive and an experienced GP should be competent to recognise the outer physical indications of what is undoubtedly your son's inner psychological turmoil.

Also make contact with Women's Aid, explain your own/your son's situation, and ask for recommendations for solicitors in your locality who specialise in family law and who offer a free initial consultation.

However, please note that evidence of you/your son having suffered domestic abuse or violence should entitle you to legal aid which, in turn, is good reason to make a trip to your GP the first port of call.

From what you've said and without knowing your marital status or who is named on the tenancy/mortgage agreement for your home, you may be advised to apply for emergency injunctions in the form of an occupation order which can enforce your right to stay in the family home while excluding him because of his violence and abuse and a non-molestation order which will prohibit him from coming within a stipulated distance of you/your son.

An occupation order can also set out who has to pay the rent/mortgage and maintain the family home in good repair but both this and a non-mol will only remain in force for no longer than 1 year from the date it was granted, after which you can apply again if necessary.

I can't overstress how important it is for you to be proactive and take steps to prevent any further abuse of your ds NOW.

If you delay it's probable that the abuse your son has been subjected to for far too long will escalate as he grows and if this appalling state of affairs is picked up by his school, or by a concerned neighbour or other party making an anonymous report to SS or the NSPCC, your failure to protect him may cause you, intially at least, to be considered to present as much risk to your child as his father does.

Please don't let it come this - your little boy desperately needs you to step up to the plate and be the exemplary role model his father will clearly never be.

FWIW, if you live in London I know of an approved dog foster carer who may be able to accomodate your pet and I daresay that other dog loving mumsnetters around the UK will rally to the cause in the event that you are required to vacate your home temporarily and are unable to take him/her with you.

ItsRainingInBaltimore Thu 28-May-15 04:48:40

What about all of your other children? Is he like this with them as well?

JimmyChoosChimichanga Thu 28-May-15 07:50:55

You are putting the fact that you are made to feel bad by your 'D'P over and above the welfare of your DC. So what if he tries to make you out to be the bad guy, get away from him. Buy a crappy camper van, load up and leave with the dog if necessary but get your DC away from his sphere of influence.

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