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If your boyfriend called someone a 'window licker'...

(51 Posts)
Ashamed234567 Wed 27-May-15 17:48:10

....would you break up with them immediately? Or just tell them how offensive it is? This is something my ex did, talking about someone else to his friends, and I didn't, and I'm so angry with myself now as it was a massive clue to his character and I used to work with people with disabilities...so it's disgusting that I didn't even say anything when I overheard him use this term. Please don't have a go at me for this as I'm kicking myself enough.

But if you heard the same - would you dump straight away?

TheGirlFromIpanema Wed 27-May-15 17:50:56

Well I dumped someone for calling another woman a bitch, so yes, I probably would.

magoria Wed 27-May-15 17:51:36

I have never heard the term and don't know what it means.

Ashamed234567 Wed 27-May-15 17:52:02

Thank you. I know it sounds like a weird question since we've already broken up yesterday, but I'm trying to figure out how crappy my boundaries really are.

Ashamed234567 Wed 27-May-15 17:52:41

It's an offensive term for people with disabilities. Quite old fashioned now. He also used the term retard and I did verbally object to this.

peggyundercrackers Wed 27-May-15 17:54:21

erm... nope I wouldn't dump. I cant get precious over name calling...

WayneRooneysHair Wed 27-May-15 17:54:43

No and I'm physically disabled but I'm hardly what you'd call 'PC'. E.g. myself and my disabled athletics team-mates (think Team GB) were discussing a reunion and I said I'd hire a sunshine bus, everyone wet themselves laughing. I'm not saying what your ex said is right but it's difficult.

AnyFucker Wed 27-May-15 17:54:54

window licker

I would lose a lot of respect for a person who used a term like that. Does he understand the connotations ? There might be mitigation in that (if he never did it again). I once referred to someone as a "bint" without realising the background. What I did do though was apologise unreservedly for being such an uneducated twat.

RedandYellow24 Wed 27-May-15 17:55:36

It certainly shows lack of respect for others. As a one off probable not dump if they are unaware but certainly would make me feel uneasy or not de the offense.
Magoria- its referring to children/adults with special needs who often taking around in mini buses (well at least back in the day) who when stare out of windows with their facial expressions especially say with Down syndrome where already have different facial characteristics -larger tongues for example that they are licking the window.

fortunately Wed 27-May-15 17:58:15

Yes I think I would have. I find it personally offensive.

My exh told an offensive disablist joke in my presence. I already knew he was a cunt by then although it was a few months before we split.

Theoldcauliflower Wed 27-May-15 18:00:53

My daughter is disabled and I find it quite disgusting, I hope it doesn't come back to bite him in the arse one day!
Awful thing to say!

surereadyforchange Wed 27-May-15 18:02:19

I dumped a friend for this, but it was the last straw, she did other things along the same line including talking about the 'special bus' and using words like spacky and 'flid' (thalidomide) - she was racist about the children at a 6yo's birthday party playing pass the parcel...
So in short i would be annoyed if comment made in isolation and definitely dump if it was a pattern.
I could never find a guy who talks about people like that attractive.
Sounds like you made the right choice! flowers

Ashamed234567 Wed 27-May-15 18:04:44

Thanks. I didn't actually break up with him for this though and it was more him that instigated the break up which is now I'm now feeling ashamed and uneasy about my lack of boundaries.

geekymommy Wed 27-May-15 18:05:11

I'd never heard the term window licker before. The image that came to mind when I saw it in this thread was my toddler. She does lick windows and mirrors if allowed to do so.

madwomanbackintheattic Wed 27-May-15 18:05:55

Wayne, reclaiming language works for members of the group referred to, but how would you have reacted to the ex bf's derogatory use of the word to describe yourself and your team mates? (Once knew a girl who had 'raspberry ripple' painted on to her wc, a la rhyming slang.) I know how you would react, because you are clearly a group with a strong self-identity and the wherewithal to have the confidence to shrug it off or deflect it. A lot of adults and children don't have that chutzpah and are more vulnerable for all sorts of reasons.

As a parent of a wc user, I'm not sure I could take the chance of breeding with someone who tosses 'window licker' and 'retard' around.

Ashamed234567 Wed 27-May-15 18:10:02

Yes, I guess although it made me uneasy, part of my thinking was that maybe he didn't realise the true meaning of it and how offensive it was. And I couldn't really call him out on it in front of all his friends. I did challenge him on retard.

Ashamed234567 Wed 27-May-15 18:10:41

That's an excellent point madwoman.

WayneRooneysHair Wed 27-May-15 18:11:07

madwomanbackintheattic if anyone other than people I know call me anything offensive and they are not joking then all hell breaks loose, I'm not stupid so I only call my mate a crip etc if I know their sense of humour, otherwise I don't as I have no intention of offending anyone.

Pagwatch Wed 27-May-15 18:12:46

I'd think he was a wanker and break up with him, yes.
Totally.

Anyone who uses disabilities as an insult is a low life.m

JAPAB Wed 27-May-15 18:16:43

I am not familiar enough with the term for my offence barometer to know exactly how offensive the word is.

I know I wouldn't be impressed if I heard someone attempt to convey how stupid they thought someone was by referring to them as a spastic or a retard, and I am guessing this is of a similar ilk.

Or maybe I have misunderstood and it actually was being used to refer to a person with special needs? That would definitely be a no no.

Not sure it would be an instant break-up but I would talk to them about it afterwards.

Would like to say I would speak up at the time but to be honest, I am not that confrontational or scene-making a person, in group situations.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere Wed 27-May-15 18:18:30

I didn't dump the then-love-of-my-life when he (rather drunkenly) referred to a previous acquaintance as a "fat Paki" shock even though it went all the way through me like multiple electric shocks.

But I have never forgotten it, and it's now one of the first things I think of when I remember him.

I assume that when / where he grew up it was bandied around a lot and it slipped out, a bit like how when I was at school everyone was a "retard" and everything was "retarded" and some things were even "gay", and some of my friends still use those terms even though they're now considered really disgusting.

But "Paki" is one of those words that makes me want to throw up, and it was genuinely like an out-of-body experience hearing my beloved saying it.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 27-May-15 18:33:46

I'd not only dump him but I'd also report him for hate crime.
He is a disgrace. HeAven forbid but imagine you had a disabled child with this specimen,
He is a disgrace.

pocketsaviour Wed 27-May-15 18:35:18

I'm glad I've learned what this means because I thought it meant Peeping Tom. (as in... someone who would stand outside a window, drooling with lust and fapping.) confused Now I'm really hoping I haven't ever used it in an offensive context.

Fleecyleesy Wed 27-May-15 18:37:21

I thought window licker was french or German (no idea which!) and meant something non offensive.

Leche or lesch vitrine???

Can't remember but had no idea offensive.

Fleecyleesy Wed 27-May-15 18:38:45

French for window shopping.

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