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Not happy(5 Posts)
I would welcome some opinions. This is my first post on Mumsnet so I hope I can explain the situation clearly.
I am married and have been for 5 years, we have two children dd 23 months and ds 9 months. My husband works Monday to Friday from 8am until 8pm to 10 pm ish. He works incredibly hard in an incredibly busy and stressful job. Fortunately we are in a situation where I don't have to work which is fantastic but there are times when I miss it as I had quite a good career pre-children and was relatively sucessful. We live 250 miles from our families so my husband and I made a mutual decision for me not to work as we tried it for 2 months and it was a nightmare. When the kids are ill we literally had no where for them to go unless I took the time off work.
The work situation I am happy with. I also adore my husband, he's intelligent, has drive, spark, a great sense of humour and when he is at home he really does help out. He's a real neat freak so we have none of the wet towels on the floor type of barneys.
He is however, I feel really selfish with his free time. He plays sport on Saturdays from 1st May until 1st September and is out of the the house from 11am until 8pm.
I really resent his decision to do this as its another day away from our beautiful children that he never sees. On top of this I can't make any social plans on Saturday as I'm in for the 6th night on my flipping own. I hve made loads of weekend plans involving having friends and family to stay so I have some company and help with the kids. The endless visitors are growing a bit tiresome though and I just want my husband around so we can raise our family together. He is also away every weekend in October watching Rugby and two weekends this summer. I can't comprehend how he does not want to spend this time with his kids as well as help me.
We do have most Sunday's together over the summer but we are always trying to shoehorn in family time and time off for me. Plus we are so tired by Sunday we are all lacking in enthusiasm. We have been arguing a lot and I really resent him for it. He has offered to give it up for me but i don't let him as he would so stressed after the working week he would be vile. I want him to want to be with us and not me making him.
I feel like the kids and I are bottom of the pile plus I am always taking them out and planning activities on certain days so my husband can be there. Like I'm compensating for his absence.
The sport and work I can almost get my head round but the extra weekends away have almost broken me. I have really struggled having two little ones and want my husband to want to spend time with us.
The rest of the year we have a great time, spending time together, having friends over for dinner, weekends away but I am so upset and angry about having to put my life on hold for the other ring 5 months of the year.
What do you think folks?
I could easily tell him not to be away on those w weekends but I feel like the dragon at home who is always nagging and banging on about how we need family time.
I'm starting to wonder of what the point is if I'm knackered after 6 days of child care and is after 6 days work and sport. I feel so guilty for our poor children too who never see us in the same room.
He has offered to give it up for me but i don't let him as he would so stressed after the working week he would be vile.
I understand where you're coming from, but to be fair, if he's offered to give it up and you've said "no", what's he supposed to do?
The time away from the house on a Saturday seems like a long day. Is there anyway it could be reduced - does he travel, for example, could he play somewhere more local? Could he just go for a half day? Could he drop down to going every other week?
(Sorry without knowing the sport some of these might not be relevant.)
It's not his fault he works late in the week, sounds like he needs to do that, but he could give you more time at the weekends. What sport possibly takes 9 hours on a Saturday? My DP works similar hours and goes cycling for four hours every Sunday - that is my absolute limit. And I only have one baby to cope with! Could he not cut his sport down to just the mornings and spend his evenings with you?
We have no family near either ( age old moving to London for work scenario) and I miss the help so much. I'm planning to go back to work for three days in a pretty challenging job but I'm scared of illness etc. But I feel I need the time away from the home tbh.
Thanks ladies. It's cricket so 9 hours is the minimum. It can be 11. Thanks fir taking the time to reply.
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