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AIBU to think my sister is an utter bitch??? [[names edited by MNHQ]]

(163 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

zoelikesjam Mon 25-May-15 21:02:02

Right, so this time last year, well in march,I was invited to go to Australia for my sisters engagement party. Turned out it was a big surprise and they actually got married on that day. I have two other sisters, and S (the bitch from hell) had N and B(two other sisters) as bridesmaids. She totally left me out of the wedding and I was devastated. Anyway, I never said anything as I didn't want t spoil her special day an just left it at that. When I got home, after a month it was my little sister's birthday and they all went out for a meal. S posted something on facebook and because i was ill at the time I took it nastily. She posted about how nice it had been to go out with the whole family etc etc and I took it to heart and pulled her up about it. We got into a little bit of an argument and everything about the wedding came pouring out, about how left out i felt etc etc. S turned round to me and said I had been lucky to get invited as she wasn't even going to invite me so I should have been grateful. I lost my shit, told her she was a selfish cow and blocked her on everything. We've not spoke for over a year.

The this weekend she sent my OH a message saying she was coming over to England and could he arrange for her to spend some time with my three little ones. I wasn't happy about it, but didn't want to upset the children so said to P it was okay. P sent her a message saying, basically, "Z's happy for you to see the children, but I think you should both apologise to one another and kiss and make up"
S then sent P a really snotty message saying that I didn't deserve an apology, she did. And how she had never really liked me or got on with me.

I lost my shit big time, and sent her a message saying we were busy that day 'and besides, did she really think someone who she'd never gotten on with should let her spend time with children who are so much like their mother?'
I know I probably shouldn't have said that, but do you think it deserved this response??? This is what I got back

"Wow! You really are a very low person. I hope you can deal with yourself. One day if you don't poison your children i WILL make contact with them and tell them what you have done and the type of mother you are. I hope for their sakes the NEVER EVER turn out to be just like their mother...I am totally shocked you think this is the right way to behave by punishing your children...I will be telling everyone you have done this and I am sure they will realise you have reached a new low. You should think about that. Oh and just one more thing, just so you know how ridiculous you are, you lost your children and as a result they live with people you don't get along with"

Two years ago I got really sick and my three little ones had to go live with their father, and the youngest went to her Nana's. Last October J&L came back to live with me, as it was made very obvious they were not being looked after properly. Their step-mum had gone back to full time work, and it seemed like Dad couldn't cope, so they came home as I was getting much better health wise and it was apparent they couldn't stay with dad. My youngest has stayed with her Nanny and her father(Who I get on with wonderfully) as she is well loved, well looked after and very settled.

Having spoken to my mother and step-father, they are both in agreement with me that what she has said is vile and I am well within my rights to never let her see the children again. My mum is a little devastated though, she agrees what S has said is some terrible things but, whilst I have to do what I think is right, maybe I should be the bigger person and let her see the children.

So I called mum at 4am(They live in Australia), talked the whole thing through with her and step-dad, and they are very much on my side(Thank god) as the stupid stupid girl forwarded the messages to all of my family(sisters, mum, etc etc) and instead of making me out to be unreasonable she included what she replied to me and all my family is disgusted with her.
I sat down and had a long hard think about it all this morning, and decided I would be the bigger person, so I wrote out this email.

"Despite your vindictive, spiteful, bullying nature, I will prove to you I am not a bad mother. You need to get your facts straight before you start spouting off bile and nasty vile words. I am far from a bad mother. I have brought my children up with respect and manners. An as for my children living with people who I don't get along with, once again you need to get your facts straight. J and L(My two eldest) live with me, and have done for quite for time now. And the only reason A doesn't is because, once again I am a bloody good mother and do not wish to disturb her as she is happy and healthy where she is living. And fyi J(My ex husband) and I get along wonderfully.

J and L ARE busy that weekend, they will be visiting their father, however I was willing to reorganise that so you could spend some time with them. Now, despite your vindictive nature I am still willing to let you spend a little time with them. However you now have a slight problem. When you sent me those sickeningly horrible messages the children were with me when I received them. They are now perfectly aware how much you have hurt and destroyed me. J categorically does not want to see you, and L is undecided. That is your doing, not mine I am afraid. Despite your nasty nature I am still willing to set something up so you can see A and to show I am not the evil bitch you are making me our to be, I will be happy to talk to j and l and try and convince them to spend some time with you.

I will be a grown up, unlike you, and make a profuse apology for the email I sent you last year, however I don't take back what I said. You have hurt me over and over, but I can't say I am surprised, it is after all in your nature.

I don't wish for a response to this message, as it would probably make me change my mind again, and I will feel compelled to stop you seeing the children who are so much like me. That was the main message I was trying to get across, that if you don't like me or get on with me, why would you want to spend time with children who are just like me completely?

As for me not apologising, One, I did send you a Christmas present to sort of break the ice, but on not hearing from you I left it at that. And two, I wasn't going to say sorry for you hurting my feelings, why should I? However, I will be the bigger person and apologise for my attitude and the way I spoke to you.

Anyway, as I said. Don't hold your breath that J and Lwill want to spend any time with you, but I can sort out some time with A."

What do you think? Was that the grown up thing to do? My mum thinks it was, and apparently I wasn't too harsh on her, just told her a few home truths. So with Mum's blessing I've sent that email to her.

Sorry that was so long winded I just needed to get it off my chest and needed a little support. This has just been such a massive set back its unbelievable, This whole saga has devastated me and I never thought she could act in such a spiteful horrible manner. I am, and have utterly broken my heart over this, and it has sucked me further in to the black hole I was just starting to drag myself out of.

FayKorgasm Mon 25-May-15 21:06:42

Are you using real names?

FluffyMcnuffy Mon 25-May-15 21:06:46

I think you both need to grow up tbh confused.

I'd get the names taken out of your post if I were you as it's pretty identifying!

TendonQueen Mon 25-May-15 21:06:51

First off, are those real names? If so I would ask MNHQ to delete or edit them to initials at least.

Secondly, that's a complicated story, but I'd say don't have someone in your life that drags you down and makes you feel bad, and don't feel you have to prove things to people. Maybe now is just not the right time to deal with your sister, and the dust needs a bit longer to settle.

19lottie82 Mon 25-May-15 21:07:25

I gave up about a quarter of the way through that, sorry.

gamerchick Mon 25-May-15 21:08:06

Yeah man say those aren't real names?

Tbf you all sound like teenagers who needs their mother to bang their heads together.

You really knocked your mother out of bed to discuss it?

TendonQueen Mon 25-May-15 21:08:25

And I wouldn't be running around sorting out time with my kids for anyone who wasn't prepared to speak to me. Only if it was their parent, and she isn't.

AlisonBlunderland Mon 25-May-15 21:08:31

Waaayy too much information!

Madamecastafiore Mon 25-May-15 21:08:46

Bloody hell, got bored half way through!

Is this an episode of Home and Away?

Piratespoo Mon 25-May-15 21:08:52

If those are the real names of everyone you had better get the names removed as you are totally identifiable from that post.

SycamoreMum Mon 25-May-15 21:09:53

She sounds awful and you need to cut her out of yours and your children's lives. I couldn't stand to be in contact with someone as mean as that.

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter Mon 25-May-15 21:10:08

Good grief confused

mileend2bermondsey Mon 25-May-15 21:10:17

Sorry but I think you sound very childish (stuff like 'I will be grown up, unlike you,') and sound petty and vindictive. I don't know what the original issue was with you and your sister but she obviously gets on well with your other sisters and she did invite you to her wedding dispite the fact you clearly do not get on.

springsprang Mon 25-May-15 21:11:24

Wow, there's a lot of identifying information on there. Would deleting and re-writing be an option?

DawnOfTheDoggers Mon 25-May-15 21:12:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours Mon 25-May-15 21:13:24


TendonQueen Mon 25-May-15 21:13:30

Do people enjoy being objectionable so much that they like telling other people their life story is boring/too long/wrong in some other way, rather than just looking for a different thread to read? Avengers Assemble is on if you folks are that desperate for entertainment. hmm

Whiteshirt Mon 25-May-15 21:13:54

Is this one of those jokes that attracts real advice but turns out to be the recent plot of a soap or an airport-type novel???

Icimoi Mon 25-May-15 21:14:35

You really shouldn't be posting so much very private stuff on here, it all looks very identifiable and you don't know who will see it.

WhoNickedMyName Mon 25-May-15 21:15:14

why would you allow your children to spend any time with someone you describe as vindictive, spiteful, nasty and bullying?

my advice would be that you both grow the fuck up. and get MN to delete the thread if they're real names that you used there. hmm

MrsItsNoworNotatAll Mon 25-May-15 21:15:15

I only got part of the way through that and gave up, sorry.

From the bit I did read I think you all need to grow up and work all the shit out or stay the fuck away from each other.

FirstWeTakeManhattan Mon 25-May-15 21:15:36

I imagine your sister would have her side of the story. There are obviously many events and exchanges which have led to this point.

Are you trying to make yourself as identifiable as possible? Your children may not appreciate that.

DayToDayShit Mon 25-May-15 21:15:49


Pidgy Mon 25-May-15 21:16:29

Too long I'm afraid. Reminded me a bit of that Little Britain sketch.

MrsDeVere Mon 25-May-15 21:16:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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