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Today is the day

(47 Posts)
Goodnature Mon 25-May-15 08:33:38

That the future of my marriage will be deceided.
Dh has been appalling to youngest dd, borderline emotional abuse , and the situation is untenable.
Dh has sought help, is on medication and in counselling and is going to start the process of trying to apologise to dc today.
If this cannot be resolved he will have to leave.
Not sure why Im posting .

UterusUterusGhali Mon 25-May-15 08:38:32

How old is DD?
How is he going to apologise?

I hope it goes well. X

ALaughAMinute Mon 25-May-15 08:44:41

So what happens after he has apologised? Do you see the situation improving?

Goodnature Mon 25-May-15 08:46:22

16 and by talking to her. He has sought advice from his councillor.
I will be putting her first and have sketched plans in place if we split.

Goodnature Mon 25-May-15 08:47:38

I can already see improvement, but it could be too late.

flora717 Mon 25-May-15 08:52:12

I'm sorry you're family is hurting so much at the moment. Has your DD support outside of yourself and DH for expressing how she feels? Forgiveness is very hard (even when a relationship was previously a good one), this might take time or might get buried to the back. Is she currently taking exams?

Goodnature Mon 25-May-15 08:56:00

Thank you flora , yes, she is taking exams and she does have support through an outside organization.

Goodnature Mon 25-May-15 08:58:13

She is under no pressure to forgive, dh and I both know where the fault lies. Dh for his actions and me for my not addressing it sooner and more strongly.

JeanSeberg Mon 25-May-15 09:02:14

Did he not consider moving out at any point, perhaps while he gets treatment? Can't imagine how awful this must be for your daughter, especially during GCSEs.

How old are the other children?

Goodnature Mon 25-May-15 09:05:35

Other child is an adult and lives out of the home . Dd does not want him to move out until her exams are over, he did offer. No one else knows about any of this, except their respective councillers .

ALaughAMinute Mon 25-May-15 09:08:26

You say it was borderline emotional abuse but it must have been pretty bad if you are considering asking him to leave. What did he do exactly?

"I can already see improvement, but it could be too late."

Why?

Lovingfreedom Mon 25-May-15 09:17:10

Today's the day he's going to start the process of trying to apologise? wtf?

Goodnature Mon 25-May-15 09:50:12

I will not be posting details of incidents , but it was a drip drip of arguments, mostly started by him.
Lovingfreedom - that's what his councillor has told him it is, a process of accepting total blame and apologising , with no agenda.

Goodnature Mon 25-May-15 09:52:23

Too late as in too late for dd to feel comfortable around him again. She is my priority.

Lovingfreedom Mon 25-May-15 09:56:36

If yr not already, I'd recommend individual counselling for yourself too.

Goodnature Mon 25-May-15 10:00:58

I can set something like that upvthroygh work Loving but at the moment I'm emotional ly exhausted & need all my energy to get through each day.

Lovingfreedom Mon 25-May-15 10:11:04

Sounds like it's all about him atm. He has a therapist...leave them to it and give yourself some care, time and support. If you can arrange through work then great...you can spare an hour a week smile xx

FlabulousChix Mon 25-May-15 10:15:04

I moved my kids 110 miles away from my ex when he started calling them names as they aren't typical boys. Kids come first. We split because whilst I could suffer the abuse I wasn't letting him start on my children. Kids come first. If he can't speak to your daughter with respect and decency he doesn't deserve to live under the same roof as her.

AnyFucker Mon 25-May-15 10:37:24

As I started to read this I was hoping that "today" was the day he was leaving.

Instead...what ?

Goodnature Mon 25-May-15 10:47:36

We see if our family can be salvaged. If not he is leaving.

Lovingfreedom Mon 25-May-15 10:58:18

Put yourself and your daughter first. thanks

AnyFucker Mon 25-May-15 10:59:02

Is it wholly clear what he has to do with a non negotiable time scale ?

I expect he has already had too many "chances".

Goodnature Mon 25-May-15 11:07:49

Yes it is Anyfucker.
He, off his own back, has disclosed his behaviour to a medical professional who out him on medication and arranged his counselling.
He is aware that this may be too late, but will try and keep in trying whatever happens.
I have plans in place for a split, as I stated above.

Goodnature Mon 25-May-15 11:08:44

Dd has put the timescale in place.

Goodnature Mon 25-May-15 11:11:05

* keep on trying, as in trying to have a relationship with dd on her terms if we do separate.

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