Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 9

(1000 Posts)
bobs123 Sun 24-May-15 11:40:32

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her.
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.

Our theme tune is My Silver Lining

My name is bobs, 55, married 22 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted last April on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 5 months which didn’t work as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He has now been given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court.

Link to last thread, which has links to all the previous threads here

BravingSpring Sun 24-May-15 11:56:32

Checking In smile

greenberet Sun 24-May-15 12:21:05

well done bobs - great humour last night ladies - you have made me grin this morning - loving iwas being drunk! and name changing

just want to add to well hope you have got over your guilt fest- you have absolutely nothing to be guilty for as you well know ( no pun intended!).

i remember reading somewhere possibily on here and it may well have been you well that posted saying it takes 2 years to get over a divorce so you too need to give yourself a break now & again - you are still coming to terms with the end of an old life and the beginning of a new one - most of us still have to sort out the old one yet so can only sympathise with the mixed feelings you are still having - think this is perfectly understandable flowers for you - theres been enough wine!

Izzie595 Sun 24-May-15 12:36:35

Hi all, checking in, any chance of a bar snack?

bobs123 Sun 24-May-15 12:39:25

Here you go Izzie take your pick!

1nogoingback3 Sun 24-May-15 12:39:34

News flash - Lots of shouting going on because........ THE MOWER HAS BROKEN shock (and I'm of course an effing know all because I did say it was too wet........)

bobs123 Sun 24-May-15 12:41:46

LOL! Is there you go out and casually point out that it is probably gunked up with wet grass??? Go on...I dare you grin

Izzie595 Sun 24-May-15 12:42:19

1 oh I know I shouldn't! but that's a laugh out loud moment!

Could he not do some hedge cutting with the electric shears? And could you remove the RGB thing?

Izzie595 Sun 24-May-15 12:46:23

1 it's 15% off at Homebase this weekend. He could pick up a nice cheap flymo!

bobs123 Sun 24-May-15 12:53:02

Yeah I bought one last year for about £39 coz stbx binned ours - it's crap!

Izzie595 Sun 24-May-15 12:53:56

Perhaps he could do a Poldark with a scythe

bobs123 Sun 24-May-15 13:07:13

Only if he has a 6 pack smile

1nogoingback3 Sun 24-May-15 13:26:09

Haha no 6 packs here :-(
Panic over - he's resorted to using the strimmer!!

He gets a bit like Basil Fawlty when he's cross - bobs no chance of me going out there!! DS2 and I are sheltering inside until the temper tantrum subsides.

I actually feel a bit sorry for him. He (and all the twunts) have to live with themselves for ever more - at least that's something we don't have to do now.

Izzie595 Sun 24-May-15 16:08:30

Have copied this from iwas thread

"I like being able to do what I want. He'd have thought it so lazy if I'd got up hungover about 9.30 and then lazed on the computer until I got dressed gone 11. Well sod him because I did grin"

Love it!

And this is what it's all about, the benefits of being single: being able to do what we want, when we want, with nobody tut tutting or pouring cold water on our ideas and enthusiasm. We get one life. It's too short to waste it being ground down by these twunts, either watching our back to see if the OW is still around, or treading on eggshells.

Izbobs is not only in the land of Meh, she's also in the land of Yeah!

iwashappy Sun 24-May-15 17:13:24

Thank you for the new thread Bobs

Izzie I also love being able to do dinner at a time that suits me without having to fit it around when it's convenient for Sid. There's also a lot less washing and ironing. I might do a list actually, we like lists on here.

Hobbitwife001 Sun 24-May-15 18:06:03

Hellooo, fellow Sisters of the Commune of Perpetual Disappointment, how are we? Just thinking, we need an odd job man around the place, and random man fits the bill, he's both a man, and he's odd, so we're onto a winner there, grin

Well, I've started on my buying spree, called in Tesco on the way home,
< checked for assault rifles, living, out of stock till Tuesday apparently>
But did buy wine, bedding, clothes , shoes, and an iPad, < it was on offer £125, so got it for a spare> bargain!

Gonna get new glasses and contacts on Tuesday, I'm getting as much as I can out of that twunt while I still can. Feel angry again today, don't know why really, well I do obvs, it's never that far away, sadness and anger come and go in waves don't they?

Loving the intro bobs my love, shout out to home hope you're doing ok my darlin' , and * Ali* KOKO honey, are you lurking?

iwashappy Sun 24-May-15 18:14:02

A few of the benefits of not being married to Sid anymore...

1. I love being able to do dinner at a time that suits me without having to fit it around when it's convenient for Sid.

2. We don't have people calling round the house at all hours unannounced because they want to see Sid as they want something from the business.

3. There's a lot less washing and ironing and less dishes and tidying up.

4. I've got plenty of room in the bedroom for my clothes.

5. I don't have to make special trips to shops I don't normally go to so I can get various foods and drinks he likes that are difficult to find.

6. We know what number 6 is... grin

7. I can have a lie in without it being mentioned that it's a waste of a morning and I don't feel obliged to get up a lot earlier than I want because he's already up at the crack of dawn

8. I can do what I want, when I want and how I want. He wasn't controlling at all in that way but it's just nice pleasing myself and having the freedom to do so.

9. I don't feel obliged to have everything neat and tidy all the time because he likes it that way.

10. He doesn't upset me if we are on the phone by hanging up on me or being short with me.

11. I don't feel like a nuisance or a nag because I wanted to speak to him or spend time with him and he's too busy working/in the middle of something/tired/too busy doing something for someone else e.g. anyone but me.

12. I don't run the risk of going into the lounge and finding him watching Roy Chubby Brown.

13. When my son is home he can stay in bed past midday without it being a major problem and causing a row.

14. I get the whole of the bed to myself and can relax. I don't have to wonder if he might try it on with me because we hadn't had sex for a while.

15. I don't have to put up with his whinging about everything that irritates him.

16. I don't have to put up with negativity. He hates Christmas because it's commercial shit. He hates his Birthday because he's getting old. He turned his phone off on his Birthday a couple of years ago because people kept texting and ringing him and it was "driving him nuts!"

17. I have a life that comprises of more than being a mother, a wife, working, running the house and ferrying my daughter around.

I daresay there's a few things I've missed... and I thought I had a good marriage!

Hobbitwife001 Sun 24-May-15 18:35:05

Yep, that's a good, looonnng list iwas my love, should have kicked his lying arse out sooner, grin,

bobs123 Sun 24-May-15 18:36:34

Good list iwas can't really relate to no 14 as he never tried it on - not in living memory anyway tho memory a bit knackered sex was normally alcohol related or bobs-initiated. Never seemed to really want me (remember begging on our 1st hols together 6 moths after marriage) - with all my inadequacies an'all sad Feel a pic coming on to perk me up .....

My main benefit is that he is not here to just sit around all the time - watching TV, on his iPad, on the XBox, without lifting a finger.

bobs123 Sun 24-May-15 18:39:27

Anyway my head hurts (no alcohol involved!) Have spent the whole afternoon reading and correcting DD1's final dissertation on fashion. Never went to uni mesself so interesting to see what they end up having to do

bobs123 Sun 24-May-15 18:43:43

Oh and this one's in my honour too still want to be a MILF Hobbit?

iwashappy Sun 24-May-15 18:45:22

I was fine with putting myself out for him before Hobbit because he worked really hard too and I thought he was a good husband and dad. naïve

18. He did sod all around the house in terms of housework apart from helping with the dishes. Everything else was down to me, washing, ironing, hoovering, cleaning, dusting, changing the beds, cooking, shopping.

iwashappy Sun 24-May-15 18:54:57

Sorry Bobs that must have been quite difficult for you. I can't recall the last time I initiated sex, probably when we were trying for ages to conceive our now 16 year old DD shock but I think I would have found it really hard if Sid hadn't tried to initiate it even if I didn't want to anyway. flowers

I'm still going to take the mick out of you though for saying "6 moths" as you and Izzie took the mick out of my "6 ears" last night. grin

iwashappy Sun 24-May-15 18:59:08

19. I don't miss his silly, smutty schoolboy sense of humour and he liked mentioning sex in conversations, even in front of the children blush

1nogoingback3 Sun 24-May-15 19:01:36

hobbit a laugh out loud moment re tesco shop grin

iwas I can't wait to start seeing the benefits. All your points resound here -13 especially.

This thread is not accepting new messages.