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Good /not good dad...changed your perspective on your dh?

(6 Posts)
Levismum Sun 24-May-15 11:27:40

Dp IMO isn't a very good dad. As the dc have got older it's got worse. It's a major contributory factor as to why we will be separating.

Sometimes i think it's not him being good/bad. In different, lazy or just unrealistic. It's actually very different perspectives on parenting. 2 of our dc have ASD so it's not easy.

But he will not learn about ASD/SN. He is punitive & the dc are getting bigger & noticing.

I am losing all respect for him.

Anyway forward or do I accept it's time to part ( not just this issue but wider issues too).

pocketsaviour Sun 24-May-15 13:38:02

But he will not learn about ASD/SN

If that's his attitude, I can't see any way forward.

If he is often shouty with them, you may well find their behaviour improves noticeably when he's no longer in the household.

Handywoman Sun 24-May-15 14:10:14

I've one dc with Dyslexia and one with ASD.

ExH just shrugged his shoulders and never got on board with any of it, except for throwing his hands up in the air re dd2 and saying 'don't be so silly' to her.

It's been me doing all the reading to the dc, hours of SLT, tuition, handling the behaviour, advocating, researching, chasing appointments, assessments, meetings etc., as well as running a house, working full time, feeding, shopping, organising, school/work/house/life admin, cooking, cleaning. Hard not to lose respect in those circs. And yes, I did tell him what I needed, and gave an ultimatum before I had enough.

He begrudged even having to tidy up toys.

Plus treated me with contempt and tried to control me.

After I kicked him out all that was left was the dent in the sofa which he created from sitting in his arse being grumpy and feeling short-changed in life, during his ten years of being a dad.

Call it different approaches to parenting or being crap - either way it's exasperating and very unbalanced. And you aren't getting the support or a partnership.

If the respect has been eroded then I think there's no way back.

Goodnature Sun 24-May-15 16:59:27

Yes. I have a thread on this board about us potentially splitting up, his attitude to dd has been appalling, she has had enough, he is getting help but its probably too late. sad

Levismum Sun 24-May-15 20:11:24

* Handywomen* your post described my life...

I have managed to get both boys into an independent school. To get the LEA to fund them. He didn't even acknowledge it.

I know it's the end. I know it will never change. I know...

Handywoman Sun 24-May-15 20:47:23

OP, I'm so sad to read that. Please don't live that life.

What you've achieved with your boys is quite incredible.

Once the boys are settled is it time to focus on you for a bit? The man must be sucking the joy out of everything. Can you plan to leave? Are you married? Renting or mortgaged?

You and your boys will reap the benefit: you all deserve so much more.

PM if you need.

thanks

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