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Straw poll - is it healthy to check a DP's phone?

(87 Posts)
hannah0030 Sat 23-May-15 15:31:38

Interested in the consensus on checking a DP's phone? I've got friends that say it spells the end of a relationship because it's a sign of no trust, and also friends that say it's completely fine, they don't think their DP is being unfaithful, they're just nosy and like to see how their DP interacts with friends etc. Thoughts? And do you think it's different for younger generations?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sat 23-May-15 15:35:17

Of course its not healthy!

FireCanal Sat 23-May-15 15:36:17

No. I'd go ballistic if DP did it to me.

usualsuspect333 Sat 23-May-15 15:37:04

No it's not healthy. I'd be a bit pissed off if my DP checked my phone.So I wouldn't dream of checking his.

winkywinkola Sat 23-May-15 15:38:20

Well it depends. Had your do got history of being untrustworthy?

thebeesankles Sat 23-May-15 15:38:39


letscookbreakfast Sat 23-May-15 15:38:50

It'd spell the end of the relationship if my DP did that.

TheImprobableGirl Sat 23-May-15 15:39:20

Interested just for you or from a journalistic point of view?

whatsagoodusername Sat 23-May-15 15:39:38

No, not healthy.

If feeling nosy, you should be able to ask.

katiegg Sat 23-May-15 15:42:25

I don't think it's a healthy habit, because it implies a lack of trust. dh and I both know the pass codes to each others phones and have, at times, looked in each other's phones for different things eg, I lifted his phone the other night to get his brother's address, he has looked in mine for the passwords for internet banking etc. I'd be furious if he looked through my texts/ emails sneakily... and if never dream of looking through his.

WorraLiberty Sat 23-May-15 15:46:10

No, not even remotely healthy.

sanfairyanne Sat 23-May-15 15:46:57

well it depends if there is anything on it! i looked as i knew i would find something. which i suppose does make it a marriage in difficulty, but it wasnt in difficulty because of my phone checking iyswim?

Vivacia Sat 23-May-15 15:54:15

well it depends if there is anything on it!

No, the end does not justify the means.

ripepeaches Sat 23-May-15 15:55:35

I've never felt the urge to check my DH's phone. It would probably feel unhealthy if I felt the need to. I don't think DH has ever checked my phone and I'd be annoyed if he did - there's just too much information on phones these days and I feel it's private even though none of it would offend him.

flora717 Sat 23-May-15 15:59:00

No. It's a total invasion of privacy and a breach of trust.

OTheHugeManatee Sat 23-May-15 16:02:34

Not healthy, no.

AmyElliotDunne Sat 23-May-15 16:08:44

No, not fine at all. We are all entitled to s private life. I wouldn't want my DP to read my messages any more than I'd want my DCs to read messages I've sent to DP. There's nothing wrong or dishonest in any of them, but they are intended to be read only by the recipient.

As it happens, my DP has always said his phone is open, I know his passcode, I am welcome to look at his messages whenever I want. This in itself makes me not want to check.

He is open and honest, he doesn't hide messages if they come in while we are sitting together, and I know that anything which might be even slightly upsetting (e.g. kisses on messages from his ex) has no bearing on his feelings for me, so while reading some of his messages would bother me and might be enough to make someone else suspicious, there is no need for that to be the case.

If ever I felt that there was something wrong I would hope that talking to him would give me the reassurance I need. If not, then we shouldn't be together.

DramaAlpaca Sat 23-May-15 16:11:16

It wouldn't occur to DH or I to check invade each other's privacy by checking phones.

Definitely not a healthy thing to do.

Twiceover Sat 23-May-15 16:17:14

I agree - it's a total invasion of privacy and a breach of trust. It has never occurred to me to check DH's phone. I don't think it's a very healthy thing to do.

HootOnTheBeach Sat 23-May-15 16:18:41

Not healthy at all. I have nothing incriminating onmy phone (not that I've done anything in the first place!) but I still don't want my OH snooping. It's a case of boundaries and respect of privacy.

Trills Sat 23-May-15 16:19:50

No, not healthy

AnyFucker Sat 23-May-15 16:20:44


but I understand why people do it if they are being driven batshit by someone's dodgy behaviour

Sickoffrozen Sat 23-May-15 16:21:14

"They want to see how their DP interacts with friends"



GlitzAndGigglesx Sat 23-May-15 16:22:47

No it's not healthy. What are you looking for? If you don't trust someone don't be with them or you'll spend your entire time doubting them

Catsahoy Sat 23-May-15 16:28:31


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