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How to tell DD?

(11 Posts)
PivotPIVOT Sat 23-May-15 13:48:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PivotPIVOT Sat 23-May-15 13:48:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notgoodwithwords Sat 23-May-15 13:58:07

I was where you are 7 years ago.. My dad was 5... Obviously she was upset & confused but exh & I remained amicable even spent the first few Christmas's together as a family. She has occasionally got upset & says she wishes we were together but I said that unfortunately sometimes even though couples are still friends & love one another it's not enough & she will understand when she's older but for now all she needs to know is we love her & will always do what we can to make her happy but adults need to be happy too.

Now at the ripe old age of 12 she is much more comfortable with the situation exh has a new partner & we are all still amicable. It just takes time & it's only natural for her to be upset.

Notgoodwithwords Sat 23-May-15 13:58:39

Not my dad my dd confused

PivotPIVOT Sat 23-May-15 14:05:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 23-May-15 14:49:51

What are these 'different things' you want?

nicenewdusters Sat 23-May-15 15:35:51

I think what you suggest sounds fine. We told them together. Did the whole it's nothing to do with you, not your fault, nobody's fault, just sometimes in life things change. We stressed that we were not going to be together as mum and dad, but that we were still a family with a mum and dad just a different arrangement.

My ex sees them virtually every other day, loads of contact, we share weekends. We speak positively about each other and don't ever use them as weapons/pawns. It's early days and ours are a bit older than yours, but so far so good. They really are as resiliant as people say. I would say be truthful but in an age appropriate way, don't say try and be brave. Also, stress it's ok to be sad, I tell them sometimes that I'm sad about what happened.

As to why it's hard, I'd say because you loved him, and this is not the future you planned. It's a loss, a huge one for all of you. But you'll all cope, even more so if you can be kind to each other and put the hurt to one side. My philosophy now is that we had a great little family together, and I/we should now make this new arrangement as good as possible. I recognise this is not always possible, some exs are horrendous, but you sound like you are in a good position to make the best of things.

PivotPIVOT Sat 23-May-15 15:57:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 23-May-15 17:46:16

If you have mutually agreed that this is the case, why does he feel "gutted"? Is it because he'll be the one moving out? Or because he may be under the impression he won't see as much of his dd as he does while living under the same roof?

Hopefully you'll be able to make the split as seamless as possible for your dd and, as she's only 5, I suggest you don't make a big production out of it and answer any questions she has in an age appropriate manner.

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PivotPIVOT Sat 23-May-15 20:40:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joysmum Sat 23-May-15 23:19:19

Go all Disney when telling her. You and daddy have realises you aren't each other's one true love, but that you both love DD very much she's shes the most important thing to you both. Then explain where daddy will be living and tge she can call him whenever she wants and see him xxx.

She'll be more interested in how her life will work post split so make sure you've decided contact arrangements and how they'll communicate.

I'd also had words with the school and ask them for advice too as they'll have seen this all before and have experience that could help you.

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