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Can anyone help me please ...

(4 Posts)
Princesmum29 Sat 23-May-15 11:16:51

I have just broken up with my 18month olds father. We were together just over three years on and off the whole time. From day one he was controlling of everything I did said or wore, didn't want me going to work, having friends etc. I put up with it and carried on living a life that I knew wasn't right but loved him so much. Anyways the bickering between us got worse and last week he doesn't want to be with me anymore , he's never lived with me properly as doesn't want to move in and help with the rent so lives at his mums. I have been begging him back for days and he doesn't want to know . Why am I begging him and why do I even want a person like this?
I cry every day and can't sleep at night i know my son should be my main priority and I feel guilty as hell I just don't want to do anything or go anywhere , speak to anyone and my son just reminds me of him . I am devastated all i wanted was a happy family and it seems like everyone else around me has this I feel like I will never meet anyone else or be happy again. How do I get over this and stop thinking and worrying about him and what he's doing as im sure as hell he hasn't shed a tear over me. My main question is how are you supposed to get over someone that you still have to have contact with and see when he collects your child ? Any advice please sad

Cassawoof Sat 23-May-15 11:52:38

That's a good question, I'd be interested to know the answer myself, I'm in a similar position.
But that aside. This is utterly horrible for you, so be kind to yourself. Cry, don't sleep, don't beat yourself up about coping, of course you are not going to cope, your whole life has just been pulled out from under you. Try to eat something if you can, play with your lovely boy, I bet you are doing better with him than you give yourself credit for. Have you got friends and family who could come and help out. Reach out for them now and get some support, it really helps and people are a lot kinder than you think, I've uses the thinnest of excuses to tell my cleaner, my next-door-neighbour etc and get tea and sympathy. You know it will get better, it will take time, but you already can see some of the reasons why this perhaps wasn't the best relationship.
Just one more thing, and I'm no expert, but at 18 months babies shouldn't be away from their mothers for long periods (there is scientific research to back this up, although I did read it in the daily mail!) so feel free to refuse if he wants to take your son away for longer than you are comfortable with. Especially if he's not lived with you and so been constantly around.

Princesmum29 Sat 23-May-15 11:59:44

Thanks for your reply. Just wish this hurt would go away I know it's going to take time but I don't get how you can get over someone when you still have to speak to them about the child , and see them. That's what I'm finding hard. I have my family and only 2 or 3 close friends as I lost a few when we first got together as he didn't think they where suitable people for me to be around! Should have known then. He doesn't really have him that much max two hours if I drop him over there . If I don't drop him round it causes an argument and I feel sad for my son not seeing his dad . So confused.

diddl Sat 23-May-15 12:02:29

"how are you supposed to get over someone that you still have to have contact with and see when he collects your child ?"

When you realise what a loser he is!

And a controlling one at that!

You will be so much better off without him.

Let's hope that he won't be such an idiot towards his own son, who by the sounds of things might be better off being protected from him rather than beoing subjected to him!

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