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what would you do?

(6 Posts)
miafeta Fri 22-May-15 21:38:07

I have split from my husband three years ago but we are still not divorced. We live in the same property and have one child.
Everybody at work knows I am married and I have not told anybody of the split, etc as I don't want that to be discussed at work.
I met someone (again at work) who I like a lot. I thought he knows I am married and that's why I never really flirted or anything just enjoyed his company. We have the same interests in sport/travel so a lot to talk about+have similar views on work and would discuss these as well. Turns out he did not know and asked me one evening if I am single. There was someone else around so I said I am married but did not mention the split from husband. He was visibly shocked but made a joke and then I left.

I travel a lot for work so don't see him that much and until now he always kept in touch by email mainly and about work only but being very nice and suggesting things I can do/visit where I happen to be or asking how I am doing etc.
Since he found out that has stopped and he does not reply to my work related emails. He didn't really have to reply (I sent two) as they did not require a reply but in the past he had replied to similar emails and I think he is avoiding me because he found out I am married.
I know that he likes me and am annoyed as I really like him. Do I find a way to tell him how things are or just forget it?
I would be seeing him in a week and got him a small thing from my travels that he mentioned he would like to have but now it seems weird to give it to him.
If you are wondering why I have not yet divorced-I didn't want to go through it or to put my child through it. There were no other people involved and we share the child care. But now that I have met this guy I started to think if I am willing to live like this forever...

RandomMess Fri 22-May-15 21:41:29

I would suggest that you discuss with your husband what you are going to do with splitting up to make it recognised - do your families know? It would probably far more amicable on both sides to sort out the legal & financial side before any new partners on the scene.

You could contact your colleague and explain the situation but personally I would refrain into rushing into a relationship with him but building a friendship could be worthwhile.

miafeta Fri 22-May-15 21:49:17

Thanks for your reply.
I also think that I will have to address the relationship with my husband first. I was not bothered until now and he is not either, he seems ok to continue living as we do.

RandomMess Fri 22-May-15 22:05:40

Perhaps he's had casual relationships already or indeed has a g/f?

It may be a case of deciding on ground rules. How do you arrange your weekends/childfree time at the moment?

ALaughAMinute Fri 22-May-15 22:20:07

It sounds like he doesn't want an affair so he's avoiding you. If I were you I would tell him the truth face to face and start making plans to divorce your husband.

miafeta Fri 22-May-15 22:20:23

If I'm at home I spent time out with our child and do things round the house. If I want to go out and meet friends which is a rare event due to work/ travel that's no problem.
I don't know if he's had a girlfriend but I have not noticed. He spends his time when I'm around on his computer..
My plan is to sort things with my job first so I travel less or better not at all and then see what do I do. On one hand I want to have a clear end so I can start a "new" life; on another I don't want to turn my child's life upside down ...

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