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help me establish good relationship 'rules' with my parents

(8 Posts)
Dontunderstand01 Fri 22-May-15 19:39:29

I will try to be brief but also not drip feed...I moved away home over 10 years ago. I visit my parents (who are fit, well, wealthy and mobile) at least 4 times a year, sometimes for a weekend, sometimes a week. They recently moved nearer to my Dsis and her kids, in a very expensive part of the uk which we could never afford to live in. I call dm 3 or 4 times per week, text most days. She looos sfter Dsis children for one or two days per week whilst dsis works. Dm is retired, ddad still works.
I often hear from my dm how much she misses me, my son, I often end up feelibg really guilty that I dont see them. But, they don't visit me often, once a year usually for one night. I asked them to visit this half term but they said there was 'no point' as I am going to them in june.
I want to help establish what in my mind are good boundaries/rules to live by, so I can reassure myself I am trying to see them and help them see ds, but also not running myself ragged trying to please them...
we live about 4 hours drive away, have a 1 yr old baby, I work 3 days per week, husband fulltime term time. I think: calling 2/3 times per week, texting several days a week, sending picsof ds regularly, and visiting once every three months as minimum, always either at christmas or just before.
Is this 'good daughter' material , or would you expect more? If I was your dd what would you want/expect? I hope this makes sense... I am feeling a bit frazzled.

Duckdeamon Fri 22-May-15 19:40:53

I think you are doing more than enough!

PandaMummyofOne Fri 22-May-15 19:44:09

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to your question IYSWIM but I do also thing it works both way.

You obviously love your parents and want your DS to have a relationship with them and they sound like that's what they want. But they need to help you with it and perhaps make a little more effort to take the pressure of you alone.

I know how you feel. You're not alone in this situation. I just hope other posters can give you more advice than I can.

pocketsaviour Fri 22-May-15 21:23:11

Feel free to come and visit the Stately Homes thread where you'll be in the company of many others who will somehow never do enough in their parents eyes.

Slutbucket Sat 23-May-15 08:30:00

What does your mum do to contact you and stay in touch?

Dontunderstand01 Sat 23-May-15 08:35:00

Slut, not much. She visits once a year, but only stays onenight. She will tell me that her and dad have spent a week together decorating, looking after dsis children, which hurts. She rings but only if I haven't called her for a while.

Quitelikely Sat 23-May-15 09:12:15

Do you think you could tell her you feel the balance is tipped unfairly in your sisters favour?

I think that is at the heart of the issue here

Slutbucket Tue 26-May-15 21:45:43

It sounds because you moved away that you need to make the effort. Obviously your sister will get more support because she is nearer and didn't leave!wink
If your mum is a reasonable sort could you tell her how you feel?

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