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(5 Posts)
lovesleep2 Thu 21-May-15 09:01:34

Says it all in the title really.

My dp won't accept that stress plays a part (his job hardly helps).

He has always had erection problems and cannot ejeculate during sex...he loses his erection. Getting an erection takes time and manual stimulation from me. He can come when he masterbates but even that is a struggle. He said he often can't feel much during sex and gets very disappointed if he doesn't last long.

He went to the drs and has had blood tests. First said testosterone was a bit low...second said it was ok. He doesn't believe this. He thinks there is something majorly wrong with him and he just wants to be "normal". Doc has given him viagra. Twice was fine I.e. he got an erection and had sex for a time period he was satisfied with. Last night was shorter (he says 5 mins...was actually about 10) and he fell apart saying that he can't even get a decent lasting erection with viagra and that it was all going to just get worse.

I am worried about him. He doesn't believe anything positive I say. I did say that it is easy to be negative about things because then you aren't let down...being positive is harder. And he is a very pessimistic person (which is hard work tbh).

Is there anything dietary that could help? He doesn't drink or smoke but does drink a lot of coke. Any recommendations of ways to help him out of this cycle of depression?


FredaMayor Thu 21-May-15 10:03:04

Once erection problems get into the man's head it's difficult to get them out again without a strategy. Mental stress and other life factors can have a major influence on sexual performance, you will find plenty of good research to bear that out.

You and your DP should deal with this as a matter of urgency and get referred for psychosexual counselling where his issues can be addressed by an expert.

BTW, there is another current thread on ED in this section you may want to look at.

Good luck, I hope you can resolve this.

KoalaKoo Thu 21-May-15 15:10:24

OP I have pmed you

Drew64 Thu 21-May-15 15:25:55

Ohhh OP, I really feel for your DP

Most of this, I believe in in the head, especially as he has been to see his Dr and has meds.
The pressure to perform needs addressing. Sex does not have to end up penetrative or culminate in ejaculation. Alot of fun can be had from just playing and arousing eachother.
Reset those expectations, set out with the mind set that sex isn't going to be penetrative and you are just going to tease eachother, massage eachother, play with eachother. In tiny steps, take it a bit further but only when you are both ready.

I struggle at times but I'm still aroused inside, even though it does not show (not sure if that makes sense) And I get as much enjoyment from arousing my DW to orgasm as I do with full on penetrative sex.

Take it easy is my best advice, I know it's not easy but the pressure he is putting on himself will not be helping.

lovesleep2 Thu 21-May-15 16:50:48

Thank you for replying. Will check the pm in a min :-) after I posted I saw the other thread! Should check first!

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