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I feel like I've change personalities and hate my DH

(25 Posts)
Hopelesspringle Wed 20-May-15 15:01:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarbeDiem Wed 20-May-15 15:41:10

I'm sorry that you're feeling so rough.
I'm not sure what to suggest as I've not felt like you do quite so severely.
My exh irritated the shit out of me when I was pregnant, his breathing, his attitude everything about him really but it did pass.
Maybe you could go and visit your GP and have a chat about how you feel.
Hopefully others will be along soon and have some better advice for you.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Wed 20-May-15 15:44:06

Did you have the same problem last pregnancy? If so, did it go away?

I second visiting your GP when you get home.

intlmanofmystery Wed 20-May-15 16:36:19

Is it always like this or just when pregnant? Tbh I'm not surprised you didn't find him overly sympathetic if you are being horrible to him the whole time.

Agree with others. Talk to your GP and I really hope it passes so that you can get back to being a family again. A word of caution, my exW was exactly the same as you for both pregnancies. Unfortunately after the second she never reverted back and just carried on constantly criticising and picking up on stuff. It is not sustainable long term which is why I hope you can get through this.

Quitelikely Wed 20-May-15 16:51:30

You should post this on the pregnancy board to see if any others are experiencing the same.

Sounds like it's linked to your pregnancy. Nevertheless if I was your DH I would be reassessing my future with you.

Pregnant or not you don't have the right to act like a complete horror or subject others to your unreasonable behaviour.

You shpuld think about apologising to your dp asap.

Hopelesspringle Wed 20-May-15 17:07:45

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Hopelesspringle Wed 20-May-15 17:15:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOutOfPractice Wed 20-May-15 17:19:06

Oh OP don't go away

I think when yu are in the middle of something like this it's hard to rationally think "This is probably my hormones" or "I think I might need some help here". Instead you are thinking "My DH must be an arsehole! That's why I hate him!" I am exactly the same with PMT. Every month I feel like I am surrounded ny idiots. Then when I come on I reaise it was me that was awry - not them.

Does that make sense?

Hope you're OK OP thanks

BitOutOfPractice Wed 20-May-15 17:20:06

And tbh I think your reaction to the, quite gentle, responses shows that you might not be reacting to stuff like your normal self. Take care

CarbeDiem Wed 20-May-15 17:24:40

Oh OP, please don't leave.
Stay and just get your thoughts out, rant, vent - whatever you like.
I do agree with Bit - I'm also like that when I get PMT. Also around ovulation too - my 'idiot' currently is my step dad. To be fair he is quite useless, lazy and quite the manchild (so as you can imagine he is hugely irritating) - it just didn't become apparent until my mum got so ill, and I'll not put up with you see, less so when I'm hormonal smile

Hope you're okay xx

eurochick Wed 20-May-15 17:35:27

I think relationships is the wrong place for it. I didn't experience this myself but I have heard that others have. I suspect you will get more support on the pregnancy board.

Hopelesspringle Wed 20-May-15 17:43:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hopelesspringle Wed 20-May-15 17:46:54

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intlmanofmystery Wed 20-May-15 17:50:44

Alternatively, accept it is just how you feel now. Know that it will pass, things will improve and try to wait it out. Also tell your DH that you are feeling so bad and ask him to be patient with the reassurance that it will get better.

Don't know if it helps but perhaps write down how you are feeling about everything then look it at again in a couple of weeks, months etc to see how much you've improved.

BitOutOfPractice Wed 20-May-15 17:53:50

Oh I'm glad you came back OP. If I wasn't such a viper I would give you a squeeze - or would that irritate you too? wink

I'm sure it's just a phase.

Could you chat to your DH and tell him how you're feeling (Perhaps tell him you're irritated with everyone, not just him, might sounds a bit less harsh) and ask for his patience and understanding.

More importantly, give yourself some patience and understanding too. Pregnancy is such a massive upheaval for a woman's body

Take care thanks

Lioninthesun Wed 20-May-15 18:01:20

I got terribly hormonal with my pregnancies. I had poor instincts, couldn't stop feeling low and heard anything ex said that wasn't well thought out as a spiky barb. I felt I had to protect myself a lot more than I usually do. I suppose it highlighted my vulnerability?

It wore off in the 2nd and came back after birth, but to a lesser extent. Both times I would leap to the worst conclusion possible and not be able to control myself when I felt he was being insulting. To be fair he isn't a very thoughtful person and has NPD but I simply couldn't deal with things that I know wouldn't have bothered me otherwise.

If you don't feel like this when not pg, please hang in there. I did try to say I wasn't feeling myself to ex, but typically he uses things I said when pg in arguments to this day! Try to deep breathe and keep calm rather than letting it all out. It won't last forever, I promise!

Momagain1 Wed 20-May-15 18:08:08

You can report the post and have it moved to the other board by MNHQ, or removed altogether if you already started a new one.

Even if this didnt happen with your first pregnancy, every time is different. Sorry he didnt react as you wanted him too when you puked, but please remember that others often don't know what script is going through your head, so it's no wonder they blow their lines. Maybe you said something that lead him to think you preferred to be left alone, or for him to distract ds, that you didnt want to be fussed over. Maybe he got the idea from somewhere else. Maybe he thought it up himself.

I think so long as you know you are being unreasonable, and regret it, and you let him know about it, then things will be OK. You both could fall into the trap of acting like it's real if you cant talk about how it isnt real. Have you told him?

CarbeDiem Wed 20-May-15 19:31:02

Glad you came back OP and I hope you can find some advice and help.
Take care of yourself xx

sparkdoor Wed 20-May-15 20:46:31

I felt EXACTLY like this a few weeks ago. Am now in my second trimester. I'd convinced myself that the only way forward was divorce (we've only been married a few months blush)! Everything he did made me angry, he ate too loudly, I found him repulsive, his breathing was irritating, I couldn't stand to be touched by him, he took up room in MY bed... It was utterly ridiculous. I even had frequent dreams about another man and how much better my life would be if I were married to him instead. I got through it by holding it in when I was around him, but utterly slagging him off to my best friend/mom. They both knew I was just being a little bit hormonal and humoured me. I can even remember going into a whole rant about how he doesn't even read books and what kind of person doesn't read, I'm going to spend the rest of my life utterly bored and tied to an idiot. I felt so, so trapped.

My partner isn't too great at being supportive. At least not in the way I'd like him to be. This really made things worse. But I'm glad I told somebody about it because I was getting into a destructive pattern of thinking, where all I could see was a negative spiral where everything was doomed... Talking to other people helped me to snap out of it a bit and realise I was overthinking and being very dramatic. The poor man has no idea of how much I truly hated him for a few weeks blush

Hopelesspringle Wed 20-May-15 20:52:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hopelesspringle Wed 20-May-15 20:53:25

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Hopelesspringle Wed 20-May-15 20:56:24

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sparkdoor Wed 20-May-15 21:19:05

Haha, glad my admission of being an evil cow was helpful grin I certainly don't feel like that now. I actually like him again! I knew that it would pass and that I'd look back and realise how silly I was being. To be honest, I sometimes go through a phase of feeling like that when I'm not pregnant, and I always come to my senses. I realise that I was convincing myself I could see into the future and predict everything based on my assumptions about one small thing or one irritation. Getting out/talking to people/doing other things when I'm thinking like that is very helpful because it reminds me that the world still exists and everything is still happening around me and it stops me being so consumed by my own (faulty) thoughts. Sounds very OTT, I know!

And now I don't have to remind myself of those things cos my hormonal period has passed and I'm not being so irrational anymore. It does pass, or it certainly did for me. I just tried my best not to act on it until I was being more rational.

SomethingOnce Wed 20-May-15 21:28:11

My second pregnancy (DS) was much worse for this than the first (DD). Perhaps you're having a boy?

Sorry, nothing much useful to add but you have my sympathy, OP.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Thu 21-May-15 01:22:38

Ah I'm glad that you stuck around, OP and very glad indeed that you have remembered that you had similar with your first pg and it wore off.

So, you're a wee bit hormental (not my word but oh it's useful!) and it should wear off soon - you've told your DH, he needs to realise that you are in need of a bit more "kid glove handling" just now and to back off when you're having a ragey moment.

It will pass and you'll be ok again. thanks

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