Hello all, would like some impartial advice about my situation.
My OH is divorced and has a child with his ex. She lives literally right next door to his place of work so he is always bumping into her and she quite often pops into his place of work to drop off the childs clothes or pick up child etc.
It was a very bitter and nasty divorce - she messed him around the entire 2 years of the divorce and cost him thousands, he hated her and wanted nothing to do with her other than to discuss child arrangements etc.
Lately she has been contacting him more and more and for any little thing that needs doing she goes to him... she has often popped into his place of work and asked if he was going up the road and if so could he pick up X Y Z for her whilst he was out.. her electrics went out the other night so first person she rang was him and asked if he could come and sort it out for her.. luckily he was home (which is some miles way) rather than right next door so said he couldn't as he was at home (he always feels the need to tell her WHY he is at home rather than just saying no sorry I'm at home...)
I have to admit I'm really not liking this at all... IMO the only contact they should have is for discussing child care or anything to do with the child and nothing else. He says he is the type of person that would help ANYONE that needed him, regardless of who they were. He says he has absolutely no feelings whatsoever for her in a romantic way anymore and would never in a million years go back to her especially after the long and expensive divorce he went though and that he doesn't want to see anyone suffer regardless of who they are and what they did to him.
I also don't understand the reasoning behind if she rings him and says she's going to be late picking up their child because she's just out looking at paint because she thinks the living room needs redecorating and thinks that a particular colour would look much better and has also seen some lovely curtains that would go really well and then asks him what he thinks..
Really?! why cant she just say "im going to be about half hour late if that's ok"?? Why do they both feel the need to explain to each other where they are and why they are there?!
It came to a head when she rang him the other night to ask to go over to sort out her electric... I was absolutely fuming as she has plenty of friends,relatives, neighbours etc that live right next to her (one of which is a qualified electrician!!) that she could ask but always chooses to ring him first. So we ended up having a huge row and he said I'm obviously annoyed as it's her and if it was anyone else calling him for help I would have no problem with it - yes, that is very true he is a very kind person and would help anyone if they needed it and no I wouldn't have a problem if it were anyone else.
His reasoning is that if anything were to happen to his child as a result of him not helping her with something he would never forgive himself so always feels obliged to help her out.
I asked how he would feel if it were my ex constantly ringing me for help with things and he said it's different as I don't have a child with him and therefore don't need to have contact with my ex..
I don't really know what to do about this.. my instinct says I'm right and that I shouldn't have to put up with my OH constantly running after her and her needs but then again I don't have children so don't know how it would feel if the shoe were on the other foot and maybe I am just being spiteful because I don't want him to have contact with the ex.
Any thoughts would be appreciated!
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am I being spiteful??
movingonup2015 · 20/05/2015 09:52
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