I have namechanged for this post.
The recent Eastenders storyline about Kat and her abuse have made me realise that I was also abused as a child.
When I was 13, I met a 21 year old man. He made me feel special and grown-up. I was a child and was very naive about all things to do with sex. I told him I didn't want to have sex until I was 17. He just kept pushing the boundary of what I would allow and I was curious. When I had just turned 14 he just 'did it'. Sorry, I can't actually write the words.
We stayed 'together' for almost a year afterwards during which I felt obliged to have sex with him often. I thought I loved him and that he loved me. That I was special.
I haven't told many people what happened as I have always seen myself as a bad person for having sex so young.
What I have realised recently is that I was not a bad person. It was not my fault. I was an innocent young girl and he groomed me and took advantage of me. This realisation is something I want to celebrate. The first step is writing this post and putting it in black and white that it was not my fault. I am not a 'slag'. The next step is telling DH... if I can find the courage.
Thanks for reading :)
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Celebrating - the good, the bad, the ugly
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thirteenandthreequarters · 19/05/2015 21:23
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