Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Something in the past is bothering me, was it abuse?

(5 Posts)
LittleMissIntrovert Tue 19-May-15 15:57:41

I'm having problems in my marriage at the moment, and we are having counselling.

I have been depressed for a while and used to think the problems were because I was depressed, but now I think I'm depressed because of his treatment, and think he may be emotionally abusive.

Anyway, I've been doing a lot of thinking and something is really bothering me, but I need some other people's perspective please.

I used to have a reasonable sex drive, but the depression has lowered it over the years, and I admit to not wanting it much.

He tries it on quite a lot, and if I refuse and just want a cuddle he sulks, and rolls over.

One time he kept trying and trying, and even though I didn't want to (didn't necessarily say no, but likewise he could tell I wasn't interested) he kept trying to talk me into it, and in the end I felt I had to give in and do it anyway.

This was a couple of years ago, but it's always bothered me. I know it sounds silly after all this time, but I can't get it out of my mind.

goddessofsmallthings Tue 19-May-15 17:19:43

Are you receiving treatment for depression

How many sessions of joint counselling have you attended? What feedback have you received from the counsellor?

After each session do talk about what you've gained from it or not, as the case may be, and has this given rise to any shift in perspective or positive change in your daily interractions with each other?

pocketsaviour Tue 19-May-15 18:27:34

Being bullied into sex is not really consenting, is it? It rather reduces you to a meatsack that your partner masturbates into, rather than an equal who has sex with you.

PeppermintCrayon Wed 20-May-15 08:20:48

If it was okay, I don't think it would be bothering you now. It doesn't sound silly. It sounds traumatic. You said no, and that wasn't respected.

CluckingBelle Wed 20-May-15 11:46:09

It's called sexual coercion and yes, it's abuse. It's basically taking away your right to say no as there will be a consequence. My ex did this a lot and it is really damaging. For me, to the point where 18 months on the thought of ever being in a relationship again horrifies me.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now