Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Would you be ok with your DH staying at female colleagues house?

(148 Posts)
lidlidl Sun 17-May-15 20:53:54

DH is going on a big annual work event & night out in a couple of weeks and has just said that he’s intending to stay with his female colleague who has a spare room. It’s at least an hour away from us with no late night transport home so it makes sense and seemed fine until I asked about her husband and he said he’d be working away so not there (works away Mon-Thur)

I trust him and have no reason to think there is anything going on between them and he’d be stupid to tell me this was what he was doing if there was but still feeling a bit weird about it. Am I being silly? I don't know her but I've heard of her before and they are friends at work.

TurnOverTheTv Sun 17-May-15 20:56:29

I wouldn't give it a second thought, but I trust my husband.

honeyroar Sun 17-May-15 20:56:56

Personally I'd be fine with it. I trust my husband. I know lots of people that wouldn't though, I've had discussions about this with others before, and I was in the minority.

PamDooveOrangeJoof Sun 17-May-15 20:57:25

No I wouldn't. Just as I wouldn't stay at a male colleagues after a night out.

AlpacaMyBags Sun 17-May-15 20:58:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AyeAmarok Sun 17-May-15 20:58:51

I'd find it a bit strange, unless it was a load of people crashing there. But even then, I'd be a bit hmm as he's not a student!

Can't he get a taxi or hotel?

ALaughAMinute Sun 17-May-15 20:59:25

Trust him or not, I wouldn't like it. Why can't he stay in a B&B?

tribpot Sun 17-May-15 21:01:54

I don't think I would do it with a male colleague that my DH didn't know personally, if you know what I mean. (So someone he had met several times). Not because I think he doesn't trust me but just because it would feel weird. I have a lot of male friends/colleagues - I certainly wouldn't stay at the house of someone who was only a colleague, if you see what I mean.

So in short I think your feelings of weirdness are understandable but I'm sure it is all completely above board.

Hassled Sun 17-May-15 21:05:10

I'd have no problem with it, but then I have a trustworthy DH with no previous. Are you in the same boat?

AyeAmarok Sun 17-May-15 21:05:20

There is also such a thing as "hiding in plain sight".

molyholy Sun 17-May-15 21:05:47

I'm sure it is above board and I also trust my husband, but I would also feel wierd about this situation.

tribpot Sun 17-May-15 21:07:35

It could be a double bluff, it's true. But it probably isn't. And if it is, it's going to happen anyway.

SignoraStronza Sun 17-May-15 21:10:01

There are a couple of dh's colleagues that I would be happy for him to stay with, but the thing is, I've met them. One is a little older than dh, widowed and dh was good friends with her late husband and the other has an OH to whom she's totally devoted (met him too). FB friends with them both.
If he were to suddenly mention crashing at the home of a random colleague, I'd not be best pleased. Regardless of whether I trusted him or not, I'd think it totally inappropriate.
You say you've heard of her before - does he mention her often?

OldRoan Sun 17-May-15 21:10:32

I would expect DP to be ok with me staying at a colleague's house (male or female), so it's only fair to be alright with it back.

Deep down I'd be annoyed about it, but I would know it was my double standards.

Fluffycloudland77 Sun 17-May-15 21:10:52

Nope. And I trust my Dh but I wouldn't like it one bit.

badbaldingballerina123 Sun 17-May-15 21:16:09

No . It's inappropriate.

Why is this even necessary ? Surely there are some male colleagues who live nearby who he could stay with ?

Are spouses not invited to this annual do ?

Maryz Sun 17-May-15 21:17:07

If you trust him, why not?

If you don't you have other problems, unrelated to where he stays after a night out.

It seems to me that if your husband wants to have an affair (which seems to be the only reason he couldn't stay), he will do so whether or not he stays in her house.

Maryz Sun 17-May-15 21:18:04

Why is it inappropriate? If it's ok to stay with a colleague, why does it matter what sex that colleague is?

Are all "female colleagues" just waiting to jump on vulnerable married men the moment their wives loosen the strings?

Maryz Sun 17-May-15 21:18:35

This is bonkers [baffled]

It's like checking out sleepovers for a 5 year old.

Bakeoffcake Sun 17-May-15 21:19:30

I wouldn't mind at all, but I know all of his female colleagues and I trust DH.

Tbh even if I didn't know his colleagues it wouldn't bother me.

Bakeoffcake Sun 17-May-15 21:20:58

I'm with you Maryz, I don't understand why it would be a problem.confused

crje Sun 17-May-15 21:21:51

I would be more hmm about office gossip.
I would trust my dh but think it looks off .

SolomanDaisy Sun 17-May-15 21:23:10

No, I wouldn't mind. My DH has done it (though her dp was there too). I've had male and female colleagues to stay over too.

Thenapoleonofcrime Sun 17-May-15 21:23:34

I would find it a little odd but in my husband's case wouldn't worry about affairs etc. I wouldn't do it myself though. As to why, it's because we aren't students any more all kipping together on the floor, it adds in a layer of intimacy that I wouldn't want with my colleagues and I wouldn't want them to see me in my pyjamas or me theirs! It's just not a professional working relationship for me, but in my twenties this would have seemed more normal. I don't think my husband would suggest it though, as he isn't great friends beyond work with any of his female colleagues, and I think he would feel awkward.

toldmywrath Sun 17-May-15 21:24:35

I would expect DP to be ok with me staying at a colleague's house (male or female), so it's only fair to be alright with it back.

Deep down I'd be annoyed about it, but I would know it was my double standards.

What OldRoan said ^^ I agree with her.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now