Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Husbands affair while pregnant

(43 Posts)
Hazel19 Sun 17-May-15 20:39:09

I've got no one to talk to but I need to put this somewhere,

My husband of 5 years, partner of 9, father of our 2 year old and unborn baby girl has told me tonight he has been having a affair for over 4 months. He walked out on us last week after I found pictures on his iPad of a woman who he insisted was no one and nothing happened but he had to leave the marriage as he wasn't happy. He finally told me the truth tonight and says he loves her.
We only moved into a larger family home with a massive mortgage 5 weeks ago, it needs a lot of modernising and I'm currently sleeping on a mattress on the floor whilst he was decorating the bedroom. I'm 33 weeks pregnant. How could any man do this? Im devastated, but sadly not surprised as he has cheated before. I feel such a fool sad

expatinscotland Sun 17-May-15 20:42:54

I am so sorry. It's not uncommon, however.

Sickoffrozen Sun 17-May-15 20:45:43

Unfortunately,when you forgive a cheat, they will either thank their lucky stars and do everything in their power to make sure they make it up to you or they will see it as a green light to do it again as the consequences were not strong enough. Sounds like you are married to the latter.

It's clearly messy now you are this heavily pregnant and just moved with lots of debt.

I couldn't stay with someone who did it once so in your position I would most certainly call it a day regardless of your current position.

A man who cheats while his wife is pregnant is a real lowlife for me.

mineofuselessinformation Sun 17-May-15 20:45:50

I'm so sorry.
You WILL get through this.

Lipgloss74 Sun 17-May-15 20:47:03

What a sad horrible selfish man you have the misfortune of being married to.
Do you not have any close family or friends that you can go to for help and support or your health visitor.
You are going to need it when your new baby comes along.
He's done it to you he will most likely do it to her, he has to live with the consequences.
Please get some support c

Chocolateorangegirl Sun 17-May-15 20:48:43

I'm so sorry.
Have a un-mumsnetty hug.

Catsahoy Sun 17-May-15 20:49:16


Findingthisdifficult1234 Sun 17-May-15 20:51:29

You poor thing. I'm so sorry sad
I don't know what to say OP. Have you anyone in real life you can contact/meet up with to have a proper chat about what's happened? X

Cassie258 Sun 17-May-15 20:54:30

This isn't anything you've done. You haven't caused his behaviour.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

From your post I get the impression he is now with ow and you are over? Am I right?

This is for the best. You are better than this, than him. You deserve more.

I have no advice on the mortgage tho? What a massive dick! Are you both on the mortgage?

Hazel19 Sun 17-May-15 21:07:52

Thank you all for replying,

He says he hasn't seen her since he left last week, 3/4 weeks ago he had a melt down about "us" but I thought we talked it out and agreed to try our best to sort things out, he has tried to turn his so called unhappiness in our marriage around on me or our ds because he doesn't sleep through the night, because I breastfed him and wouldn't leave him overnight, because I wouldn't stay out late at night getting drunk with him. I asked him why he let us buy this house that I cannot afford on my own and all said was so me and the children had somewhere nice to live. I think he had it in his head (or ow put it in his head) that I would give up work and live off benefits that would pay some of the mortgage. He is unbelievable.
My mother in law is amazing and is supporting me as is my sister but I have no other family and most of my friend live far away. Those close I can't bring myself to talk to as I guess I'm embarrassed?
It was ds 2nd birthday yesterday so I threw him the big party as planned, put on a show for everyone, whilst my husband started drinking at 10am. He walked out once his family left to carry on drinking and turned up at 4am this morning, no idea why as he has been staying at his sisters since he left.
I just hope he regrets this one day.

Saymwa Sun 17-May-15 21:12:38

What a horrible thing to do !
I do hope that you are turning to real life people and asking for and getting the help you need.
Please do take good care of yourself.
Sending you a big hug and sending kisses for your babies.

Saymwa Sun 17-May-15 21:17:45

Do you want him back ?

Findingme40 Sun 17-May-15 21:19:27

Really feel for you. I had the same thing happen when I was pregnant. I finally left when ds was 4 months and sold the house within a year of buying it. I've never looked back.

quietasamouse Sun 17-May-15 21:26:14

You really have nothing to feel embarrassed about. Don't ever feel that you do - that thought will just eat away at you.

You have done nothing wrong here. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about. It's not a reflection on you or your worth, it's a reflection on him. Sorry to sound so cliched, but it's true.

Hold your head up high, you're worth more smile

CarbeDiem Sun 17-May-15 21:57:56

He's an arsehole!
I'm sorry you are having to go through this.
Do take care of yourself and please think about going to the Gum clinic - I know it's a horrible thing to think about, especially when you are heavily pregnant and I'm sorry for having to suggest it but your bastard of a husband has put both yours and your unborn childs health at risk.

Justusemyname Sun 17-May-15 22:01:01

Focus on your children and looking after yourself for the near future. Don't even speak to him for a while.

Vivacia Sun 17-May-15 22:21:11

(I don't get the first two replies to your OP).

Ok, no more family things with him. He doesn't get to be at any birthday parties, drunk or sober.

Two, don't confide in his mum or sister.

Three take next week to gather information on your options for the house, finances etc. no need to make any decisions yet.
Also, see a divorce lawyer. Again, no need to make any decisions yet (although I'd be sending him papers ASAP, you can always change your mind).

RebelRobin Sun 17-May-15 22:36:12

He will regret it one day. What do you want? Him back or a life on your own?? Both are difficult choices.

Hazel19 Sun 17-May-15 23:02:43

I don't want him back as I know it would happen again, but I'm devestated that my children won't have their dad at home, Im scared to be on my own, although I will manage It will be lonely after 9 years together.
I know I will have to get checked out as he confessed to not using condoms yet we only had sex the day before he left. What a sick thought.
I'm meeting friends tomorrow that I will talk to.
He came round everyday last week after work to see our son, even bringing his washing Friday (which I did) I'm such a fool. Making him tea with us.
I will have to claim benefits but I have no idea in where to start, how do you rebuild your life?! It should be a happy time waiting for baby to arrive but right now I just don't want her to come sad

CarbeDiem Sun 17-May-15 23:27:01

Oh op, he goes from bad to even worse. That's what you're dealing with here - a complete CUNT who knowingly put his unborn child at risk by having unprotected sex with someone then coming home and sleeping with you. He is lower than the lowest of the low.
Stop contact with him and please do tell him to take his fucking washing elsewhere.
Good luck, I hope everything is okay for you and your little ones x

Hazel19 Sat 01-Aug-15 19:00:39

Thought I'd update if anyone is listening,
So I after a week apart he begged to come home and try to work things out, promised a lot of things to me and I agreed.
Things were ok for a while but I was sure he was still in contact with her, which he was. She was apparently pregnant but then lost the baby. So he said he wanted to know what was happening. Then our dd was born, and sure enough when she was 2 days old I found messages from her. A week later he was texting her again and didn't bother denying it just looked at me and said well what do you want me to say. So I asked him to leave. It's been 2 weeks and I'm struggling. It's hard having a 2 year old and a newborn and doing it alone. Downstairs is in a mess as yet again he started decorating then left it. I feel so angry that he thinks he can just dump us and move on, leaving me with the house to sort, all the finances to organise. Then he visits the children and plays best daddy in the world (for 2hours) he was supposed to watch them today so I could visit a friend and take a break yet when he got here he told me he needed to be somewhere 2 hours later (with his new woman) so I had to take the kids with me as its a 40 minute drive.
I just want to hurry to the part where I don't care anymore

ButterfliesnWaterfalls Sat 01-Aug-15 20:14:29

Oh sad you should not have let him back in your life. He's really messed around with you and with a new born, you really don't need this.

Is there someone who can help you with baby sitting?

flowers for you!

Peppasmate Sat 01-Aug-15 20:28:59

Oh op, my heart oes out to you.
Honestly ive nevet so much as poked someone but i really want to kick your 'd' h where it hurts!!

Have u anywhere you could stay? Friends or family?

As soon as you can, get out of the damn house. If you claim benefits you will be entitled to Housing Benefit.

Have you got RL support? cakeflowers

InTheBox Sat 01-Aug-15 20:39:18

Hazel So sorry to hear what you've been through. Your H's behaviour is truly despicable. How are you getting on? Do you have rl support?

CalmYourselfTubbs Sat 01-Aug-15 22:04:11

jesus - what a prick.
you will get through this. stay strong.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now