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what does someone do with a sister like this?

(10 Posts)
saltnpepa Sun 17-May-15 17:44:08

My sister lives the other end of the country so we see eachother maybe once a year. There has been a major family fall out in the past few years and none of us had much contact during that time. However, this sister and I really discussed everything about our relationship and both agreed we felt reconnected. However, she will ignore my messages on fb for 2 weeks at a time meanwhile 'liking' my posts, I find this odd, why not reply to a message which usually just asks how's life etc? She never contacts me first and I sometimes message her to say does she want to skype and she'll even ignore that for weeks on end while chatting on fb to other people.

The irony is that if I arrange to skype her and I am even a few minutes late she sends me huffy messages. She has anxiety and in the past had a drug/alcohol problem. I find it so difficult to maintain a relationship with anyone who plays cat and mouse so much. She plays games in her other relationships and I wonder if she is here. I'm not sure what to do, I once asked her why she ignored my messages and she completely lost it saying she can do what the hell she likes confused

Quitelikely Sun 17-May-15 17:48:46

'Why bother' was my first thought, I'm not saying go no contact but just leave things up to her.

It's like you are more interested in her than she is you. Maybe she does the FB thing because she likes to wind you up.........don't give her the chance next time

queenofthepirates Sun 17-May-15 17:53:12

I'm afraid I'm guilty of ignoring messages sometimes, it's nothing personal it's just that I don't get round to it. Ironically I do it most to the people who mean the most as I feel I ought to sit down and write a considered reply. Maybe liking your posts in between is just her way of holding on to a relationship and expressing interest.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 17-May-15 17:55:13

I'd keep her at arm's length and invest a whole lot less in this relationship. She obviously wants you to think that you're a lot less important to her than she is to you. Don't play her games.

saltnpepa Sun 17-May-15 18:07:50

She is unemployed and sits on the computer most of the day internet dating and playing scrabble so she certainly has time to reply. She complains if I move when we skype because she says it blurs the picture so she always starts the conversation saying to me "keep still", it all feels very much on her terms.

Chchchchangeabout Sun 17-May-15 18:38:31

What queen said.

DeckSwabber Sun 17-May-15 18:52:57

She sounds depressed and this is how depression manifests itself.

Keep in touch, don't expect too much in return and maybe when things look up for her things will change,

Meerka Sun 17-May-15 18:55:14

I tend to answer messages from the most important people when I'm ready to, too, for the same reason; considering what to say carefully.

But you're annoyed that she doesn't answer and then even more annoyed that she gets huffy when you don't skype on time. I think you need to step back mentally and simply shrug a bit more. After all, you were NC for a long time so you know you can live without her. Just shrug your shoulders, leave a message every so often and let her do more of the running.

She's right, she can do what she likes. So can you. It doesn't have to be on her terms; it can be on yours-and-hers. If she doesn't like it, well, relationships aren't one-way things.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 17-May-15 19:05:30

She never contacts me first
She has anxiety and in the past had a drug/alcohol problem. I find it so difficult to maintain a relationship with anyone who plays cat and mouse so much. She plays games in her other relationships and I wonder if she is here.

It must be frustrating but you are probably right - perhaps this is one of the very few areas she can feel in control.

Birthdays and Christmas and anything in between is a bonus.

She never contacts you first but she is reassured you are there. Of course she is missing out. And it's not very kind of her. It is one-sided but I don't see how it can change unless she chooses. At least until you lose patience and back off.

Lonz Sun 17-May-15 21:38:03

If she's ignoring things, then don't carry on. If she wants to talk, then she can initiate it. You tried so she can't moan about it.

I have a similar sister, plays the same sort of games and I'm really getting sick of it, especially when it comes to kids. I wish I only saw her once a year!

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