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Eternally Single

(11 Posts)
LostQueen Sun 17-May-15 17:00:30

I feel so pathetic posting this but I just wondered, is anyone else having zero luck meeting anyone, OLD or otherwise? I've been on my own for such a long time, nothing ever gets off the ground. I really am trying not to care but I do. The more time ticks on, the more upset I'm getting.

I'm at that age where most of my friends are settling down, getting engaged, married, etc and I just feel so lonely. I shouldn't because I have great friends, a lovely child, great colleagues but I've been single for 7 years and everyone I meet is a huge disappointment. I think I'm just not what men necessarily want for whatever reason but I don't know how to get to the point of not caring. I'm so sick of always going to things on my own, never being taken out or treated by anyone.

I know that nobody here can fix this or find the answer for me, I just needed to get this out because no body around me understands, they just assume I haven't found the right person. I'm relatively young (early 30s) and I'm genuinely scared about spending the rest of my life alone sad

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 17-May-15 17:12:21

If everyone you meet is a huge disappointment, then it's not because you're not what men necessarily want. You should be proud that you have standards and that you're sticking to them. People who have no or poor standards will always have some cretin hanging about their necks, but I suspect you wouldn't want to be one of those.

If you're lonely and yearning to find someone this might as well be tattooed on your forehead. People can often smell desperation from a mile away.

Being in a relationship is not the be-all and end-all. It's the cherry on the cake of one self-sufficient and happy with their life as it is.

CtrlAltDelicious Sun 17-May-15 17:14:30

Me too, OP. I've been single for over 5 years barring ONS and flings.
I'm 30, child free by choice and would like to meet a similar guy. How many men in their 30's or 40's am I likely to find who don't have kids or want them? grin Quite depressing. But I do think you need to be honest with yourself - are you actively doing things to increase your chances of meeting someone? Do you socialise? Have a hobby? In a low moment of "blurrrrgh, I never meet anyoneeeee" I had to accept that I work all week and go to bed early, then on a weekend I do dinner and drinks with my male pals...who are all gay.
I'm very tempted to try Meetup - is this an option for you?

FlabulousChix Sun 17-May-15 17:29:12

Why do you need to be with someone? I'm 50 and intending to be single until I die. I see no reason to be with someone out of a need not to be lonely. I'm perfectly okay on my own.

CtrlAltDelicious Sun 17-May-15 17:36:08

Me too, Flabululous, and I think being satisfied with being single is important. But it's undeniable that being with someone has its benefits. Sex, companionship, someone to share the chores, someone to share great experiences with.

LostQueen Sun 17-May-15 18:25:27

That's lovely that you're fine on your own FlabulousChix but that's not how I feel at the moment.

For me, it's nothing to do with desperation and there's a lot of good that has come out of being single in terms of personal growth, self discovery etc but CtrlAltDelicious has hit the nail on the head, I'm missing companionship. I would love to be back in place where I'm ok with it and whatever will be will be but everybody feels differently about their statuses.

CtrlAltDelicious I can honestly say that I have a decent social life, I don't have a hobby as such but i get out enough to potentially meet new people, it just doesn't happen for me. I did think about meetup but the app confused the hell out of me!

albal14 Sun 17-May-15 18:52:35

Op. I can relate to your post, you have my sympathy, great if you want to bé forever single, I'm not in that camp, sometimes wish i was gay, life would bé much easier.
Others have opinons about guys on here, they are entitled to their views I guess, but -I'm not a stalker by any means, just like connecting with people all bé it on line.

I get in bed by 8pm most weeknights, as I rise early for work. Weekends I usually always go out alone, my friends don't like the places I like.
I miss the 'love' when in a relationship, I had it and blew it, see my post from ages ago.

I joined a few meet up groups recently, it is early days, not sure yet.

I can;t see anything changing anytime soon , it's part of the reason I cycle tour for charity most years. If I can make a difference to someone worse off than me It is worthwhile, I've got no one so it is easy to jump ship and go.

Also it is comforting others are in a similar position,tho I did not mean that in a derogutory way. I know what you are going through.

MadeMan Sun 17-May-15 21:24:37

"Being in a relationship is not the be-all and end-all."

^ This basically.

You'd probably rather be single than have some lazy bones lounging around on the settee and farting all day while you bring them endless cups of tea.

AnnaWebb Sun 17-May-15 21:33:33

Why not focus on creating a nice life for you and your DC? You're not meeting suitable men by trying, so why not stop trying? Just do things that get you, and maybe your DC, out there in the big wide world. Don't just focus on doing things that will involve men - be open to all sorts of possibilities however unpromising they seem - just try it for the next year and see what happens.

Lunastarfish Sun 17-May-15 21:40:41

I'm sympathetic, I was single for the vast majority of my 20s bar a 3 month relationship and a couple of weeks fling. At 30 I became incredibly lonely. Especially when friends were coupling up, getting married and having babies.

I know it's not for everyone but I ended up internet dating as I never seemed to meet the right sort of men for me. After a lot of thinking, i came to the conclusion that i wad probsbly being too fussy regarding men so i made a promise to myself that I would converse with anyone who contacted me (unless they were clearly as weirdo). It's worked out well for me, I'm now pregnant.

Inexperiencedchick Sun 17-May-15 23:37:12

Thank you Flabulous, I needed to hear this...

I'm 37, never had anyone more than 3 dates maximum.

I haven't had a relationship in my life at all. Guys who date me end up marrying someone else. Only recently I understood I'm enough on my own and afraid of day to day life with someone. I'm afraid of commitment.
Trying online dating, and already stepping back as one guy was quite serious...

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