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I know it's late, but anyone there to console me? I am feeling sick to the stomach that I probably won't get justice :( (Trigger warning)

(373 Posts)
keepingmum121 Sat 16-May-15 23:53:57

Anyone there? I need to splurge.

Pulledapart Sat 16-May-15 23:55:45

Hi keeping I'm still awake. What's happened???

Wolfiefan Sat 16-May-15 23:55:57


RuggerHug Sat 16-May-15 23:59:33

Here too. what's happened?

keepingmum121 Sat 16-May-15 23:59:38

I reported a crime against me last November. The police called me today, now that they have all the evidence from both of our phones and laptops, plus statements. They are going to pass it all over to the person who will decide whether they get a charge.
I just got the strong impression that the police woman was gently wishing to warn me that they may not get a charge sad
I feel utterly dejected.

lionsmane33 Sun 17-May-15 00:01:28

I reckon just wait. See what happened. If no charge consider seeking legal advice on reviewing the decision. This can't be easy. Hugs x

handfulofcottonbuds Sun 17-May-15 00:01:54

The police will remain factual and might appear to be a tad dismissive but it's just how they are trained to deal with crimes. It's down to the CPS to decide whether it should go to court.

Have you contacted Victim Support?

keepingmum121 Sun 17-May-15 00:02:18

I was hoping so desperately that there would be enough evidence. There is loads, including photos of injuries. However.... I didn't help myself because I ended up cooperating (it was forced sex crime) and also I was trying to reason with him (by text conversation) afterwards and I didn't accuse him harshly enough. I can't really give specifics.

RuggerHug Sun 17-May-15 00:03:44

Don't assume that. They were probably just letting you know that it's progressing now and things are moving ahead so to speak. Please don't worry yourself more when you don't need to, I know that's easier to say than to do when you're worried thanks thanks

keepingmum121 Sun 17-May-15 00:03:50

I just can't deal with the fact he lied. He says he did not hear me protest nor feel me try to shove him away. Why can't he just be truthful? I want to die. Seriously.

Wolfiefan Sun 17-May-15 00:03:52

Are you safe?
Just because the courts don't proceed doesn't mean it didn't happen. (Too many nots in that sentence!)
How are you after what happened?

handfulofcottonbuds Sun 17-May-15 00:04:06

I am so sorry for you flowers

The way you dealt with things after is no doubt down to shock and trauma. Don't blame yourself with how you handled the aftermath.

lionsmane33 Sun 17-May-15 00:04:25

I don't think you can read anything into her reaction particularly because nothing was said expressly. This isn't the court case and I don't know what crime is in loved but I think the burden of proof for a charge rather than a guilty verdict must be much Lowe so you stand a good chance.

Have just googled to see whether u could appeal the decision of a charge doesn't materialise and found this:

keepingmum121 Sun 17-May-15 00:05:11

I can't live with this. Thank you for listening.

Wolfiefan Sun 17-May-15 00:05:29

Sorry. Massive x post.
Can you talk to anyone in RL about this? Counselling?
Good advice. Never expect someone who is clearly a shit to come good and make it all alright.

handfulofcottonbuds Sun 17-May-15 00:06:52

Stay on the thread keep - there is support here for you x

keepingmum121 Sun 17-May-15 00:08:03

I hate that he damaged me and now he'll certainly get away with it. And I am sure he has form because the way he succeeded just seemed too 'practised'. The police said they won't contact is exes. I really thought they would, as a matter of course.

lionsmane33 Sun 17-May-15 00:08:20

I've been reading through the web age on your right to review the decision if he doesn't get charged. There are quite strict time deadlines for doing this. It mentions 5 days. I would go and see a legal aid criminal lawyer on Monday and get advice as to whether they could assist you if you don't get the decision you want..

Best of luck.

FriendofBill Sun 17-May-15 00:08:26

You have done all you can, so well done for that.

The bigger picture is not in view yet.
Don't give up. X

handfulofcottonbuds Sun 17-May-15 00:09:20

Speak to Victim Support and Rape Crisis - they will offer you advice.

Do you live alone? Have any RL support?

keepingmum121 Sun 17-May-15 00:10:56

I don't even know if I can face counselling. I had counselling before (this same thing happened to me 18 years ago - worse in fact) and then I married an extremely abusive man. I have been single for 12 years but still I can't gauge men.

I am broken. He denied it. That is what hurts the most.

keepingmum121 Sun 17-May-15 00:14:26

If they decide not, I know that it is only to protect me from going through court only to lose. The police woman has been so kind. I know she believes me having read all the evidence. But she is realistic and the defense will have ammunition because of my response.
Therefore I probably won't contest the decision.

Why did he do it?

I would urge all victims to NOT report. It is such stress and justice is rarely done. Even with so much 'proof' as I have.

keepingmum121 Sun 17-May-15 00:15:42

I live with my two daughters. Yes, I have rl support. I have told a handul of people. Today is just such a hard day sad

Whatsforsupper Sun 17-May-15 00:18:24

Well. I wouldn't start worrying just yet.

You have done the right and very difficult thing which is bring it to there attention. Maybe, try and take care of yourself whilst letting the legal system take its course.

Easier said then done. I am hoping it all works out.

handfulofcottonbuds Sun 17-May-15 00:20:05

I can't answer why he did it and I don't think you'll ever know because we don't have that depraved mentality.

I am glad you have RL support. I understand that you get bad days and then really bad days. It's those times you need to pull on the support you have and find your strength. It sounds like you have been through so much!!

I think you need professional advice as to how this could go and whether you are strong enough to see it through.

From what you have been through, it sounds like you are stronger than you think x

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