Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

does he have no feelings or empathy?

(4 Posts)
emptyvessel Thu 14-May-15 23:46:42

I desperately need a hand holding as i can't talk to anyone in real life, yet.
I knowthere are many women on here who have been through similar (and worse) and it gives me some comfort to know I'm not alone.
I know i will get over it in time. I know my feelings will fade and I'll look back and be glad I stayed strong, getting up going to work, minding dd, running household, helping family and friends in their own crisis. But i feel utterly empty inside and putting on a facade. I'm faking it.
I still can't quite believe it. The man i loved for so so long was texting women behind my back and when i found the evidence he tried to tell me i was imagining it and that he has never been happier in his life than with me. He told me he loved me completely and that i was making it into something it wasn't. i desperately wanted to believe him. We were due to move in together next month finally sorting jobs/finances. I told him that i didn't believe him and felt the trust was gone and asked him to give me time with no contact to think about our future. He got angry then and told me he would then do as he pleases, as i thought he was cheater anyhow. this was a week ago and I havne't spoken to him at all.

Today, I have seen a picture on his f/b of him and another woman, at a work event this evening,she tagged him and they looked v close and comfortable.what upsets me is that altough i asked for space I didn't expect him to be out and about in a single minded way. I thought at least he would be feeling bad and keeping a low profile or at least not making it look even more suspicious.
I am utterly devastated that he would act this way. rebelling or hurting me and not wanting to prove to me he cared about what ithought or our future.
I am extreamely angry at him and feel now I do not want a future with this man. But i love him and I'm finding it so hard to erase all the time and good times we had. But I know that I'll never fully trust him and doubt myself if i go back. I know i have to continue to ignore him and never see him again. That is the only way to grieve and get over him. but i'm so empty inside. I am astounded at his utter selfishness.

Boredofitall2345 Fri 15-May-15 00:08:26

God. Poor poor you. What a cunt. Are we even allowed to use that word on here?

LUCKY ESCAPE. You could have been years into this and found out. With children. So, so much worse. This is actually a blessing.

I know it's hard but can you try to disconnect from thinking about how he should feel for you. He's a shit. He's just not capable of thinking about what is good for your future or that it would be kinder or more gentlemanly to not launch himself onto the dating scene so publicly shortly after you split. My first LTR did this and it was devastating. And he did it in the most creepy and peverted way. Won't go into details. But I feel your pain. But I see now, after 5 years or so, what a fucking creep he was! And you will feel this wanton in due coursey.

Concentrate on all the shitty aspects. You've mentioned a few crackers in your post. Any more? List them out and focus on them.

Continue to Ignore him. You will vacillate but don't show him. He isn't worth anymore of your energy,

You could never trust this man.

Hugs x

Boredofitall2345 Fri 15-May-15 00:09:59

And by the way, you were so brave for raising this with him. Hugs

Iflyaway Fri 15-May-15 00:17:10

He is telling you how he is, so believe it!

Thank fuck you found out before getting more involved!

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, you know you are better than this, move on and STOP expecting a man some fuckwank to make your life what YOU can make it!

Once you do this, you will be thankful. Cos every person in your life then will be because you want them there, not cos of desperation. smile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now