So DH and I have been together for nearly a decade and we have a lovely little girl and we're expecting our 2nd DC.
In the time we have been together i feel like I've been my DP's target. So to me it just seems like he has a need to be in control of everything and everyone all the time. Hes quite a bit older than me and i remember a few months into the relationship feeling intimidated by his success/ambition/confidence to the point where i kept wondering "why in the world is this dude interested in me?" I was struggling to even apply to uni because i kept thinking i would never be able to do it...in the end i graduated with 2:1 so i did great!
Anyways, the feeling hasn't changed in fact it got worse over the years to the point where i think the reason why im depressed is because i think he's manipulative and controlling and he jeeps telling me and "proving" to me he's not...
Im just gonna make a list to get to the point quicker.
Positives
He's always encouraged me to push myself to do more and not let my lack of confidence get in the way (Uni/Career etc...)
He's always been very open to communicate except when I've crossed the line (blow up screaming)
He's always kept in mind that we have over a decade age gap so that changes things a lot in some situations especially when we first met 10yrs ago (maturity wise)
He's always worked zver so hard for himself as well as for the family. Like I said he's very ambitious etc...
Negatives
From the beginning I've been hearing things like "im disappointed in you"/"you're childish ive lost respect for you" / "do you know how much ive spent on you" / you're financially irresponsible"
Doesn't talk for days at a time if i get angry. Apologies or not he ignores me because he knows "i cant force him to talk" so he'll come back when he's ready.
That also means during the silent treatment he'll purpously ignore the food i cook/sleeps on the couch/walking past me in thehouse as though im not there
Giving me "constructive feedback" that leaves me feeling crushed "you're that kind of person, you dont take responsibility for your actions; you don't know how to apologise;you don't do anything unless you're under pressure; it worries me because any reasonabke person would do something about it. It's sad and disappointing that you don't try for yourself. I've tried everything to help you..."
Has clearly stated that my status leaving under "his roof" is not equal to his qo i am not to dictate to him...In 10yrs I've never been able to invite any friends/family for a lunch or diner party as he is against it "we can invite them to the restaurant rather than stress you out about preparing everything" Our friends now stopped inviting us.
I could never really do much on the house even when the time came to decorate the baby's nursery. The only way i can do things is by not asking which then obviously create a huge argument/disappointment...
If i try to talk to him about what makes me unhappy he switches things around and we talk about my issues and insecurities instead.
In front of friends he never talks down at me but at home i feel he does it all the time so i get angry. He did it once in front of our nanny telling me im ignorant and stupid...she was shocked
He says i dont have a sense humour because i think his jokes are degrading but im overreacting.
Nobody believes me not even my therapist. I'm feeling so alone and powerless. A social worker came to our house last month and she saw nothing but his "intellectual" and well spoken character and my anger management issues...
Nobody seems to see what I see or would they think differently if they saw him behind closed doors?
He keeps saying he wants to save the marriage and has offered to finance my therapy sessions since im a stay at home mum with no income at all.
He says i always feel under attack and as if he were out there to get me.
I feel like this about him more and more...ive lost trust in him because i think he manipulates ppl to get what he wants...but in the past 6 to 12 months im beginning to feel that ppl in general must be out to get me.
Am I going mental?
I move him so much it hurts which makes it even harder.
Thanks for reading
So DH and I have been together for nearly a decade and we have a lovely little girl and we're expecting our 2nd DC.
In the time we have been together i feel like I've been my DP's target. So to me it just seems like he has a need to be in control of everything and everyone all the time. Hes quite a bit older than me and i remember a few months into the relationship feeling intimidated by his success/ambition/confidence to the point where i kept wondering "why in the world is this dude interested in me?" I was struggling to even apply to uni because i kept thinking i would never be able to do it...in the end i graduated with 2:1 so i did great!
Anyways, the feeling hasn't changed in fact it got worse over the years to the point where i think the reason why im depressed is because i think he's manipulative and controlling and he jeeps telling me and "proving" to me he's not...
Im just gonna make a list to get to the point quicker.
Positives
He's always encouraged me to push myself to do more and not let my lack of confidence get in the way (Uni/Career etc...)
He's always been very open to communicate except when I've crossed the line (blow up screaming)
He's always kept in mind that we have over a decade age gap so that changes things a lot in some situations especially when we first met 10yrs ago (maturity wise)
He's always worked zver so hard for himself as well as for the family. Like I said he's very ambitious etc...
Negatives
From the beginning I've been hearing things like "im disappointed in you"/"you're childish ive lost respect for you" / "do you know how much ive spent on you" / you're financially irresponsible"
Doesn't talk for days at a time if i get angry. Apologies or not he ignores me because he knows "i cant force him to talk" so he'll come back when he's ready.
That also means during the silent treatment he'll purpously ignore the food i cook/sleeps on the couch/walking past me in thehouse as though im not there
Giving me "constructive feedback" that leaves me feeling crushed "you're that kind of person, you dont take responsibility for your actions; you don't know how to apologise;you don't do anything unless you're under pressure; it worries me because any reasonabke person would do something about it. It's sad and disappointing that you don't try for yourself. I've tried everything to help you..."
Has clearly stated that my status leaving under "his roof" is not equal to his qo i am not to dictate to him...In 10yrs I've never been able to invite any friends/family for a lunch or diner party as he is against it "we can invite them to the restaurant rather than stress you out about preparing everything" Our friends now stopped inviting us.
I could never really do much on the house even when the time came to decorate the baby's nursery. The only way i can do things is by not asking which then obviously create a huge argument/disappointment...
If i try to talk to him about what makes me unhappy he switches things around and we talk about my issues and insecurities instead.
In front of friends he never talks down at me but at home i feel he does it all the time so i get angry. He did it once in front of our nanny telling me im ignorant and stupid...she was shocked
He says i dont have a sense humour because i think his jokes are degrading but im overreacting.
Nobody believes me not even my therapist. I'm feeling so alone and powerless. A social worker came to our house last month and she saw nothing but his "intellectual" and well spoken character and my anger management issues...
Nobody seems to see what I see or would they think differently if they saw him behind closed doors?
He keeps saying he wants to save the marriage and has offered to finance my therapy sessions since im a stay at home mum with no income at all.
He says i always feel under attack and as if he were out there to get me.
I feel like this about him more and more...ive lost trust in him because i think he manipulates ppl to get what he wants...but in the past 6 to 12 months im beginning to feel that ppl in general must be out to get me.
Am I going mental?
I move him so much it hurts which makes it even harder.
Thanks for reading
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Totally paranoid OR Manipulated by DP...so lost and confused im close to giving up
glitteranddust · 14/05/2015 21:04
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.