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Can you ever get closure from an ex? Talk me out of replying to a message from my ex h please.

(12 Posts)
IndecisiveIris Mon 11-May-15 15:15:08

Name changed for this.... I was married briefly in my early twenties, it ended when he met someone else. It took me a long time to get over but I'm now happily married with lovely dc and rarely think of exh. However months ago he sent me a message on Facebook, wondering how I was, hoping I was well etc, would like to catch up but would understand if I didn't want to.

I've never replied to that message but I still on occasion have such a strong urge to and I don't know what I would want to achieve from it. I know logically it is not the right thing to do, I wouldn't want to see/speak to him but it's bothering me. I'd never disrespect my dh either and even though there are masses of reasons why I won't reply, if I'm honest in my heart of hearts there are times I want to. Please talk some sense into me.

Cherryapple1 Mon 11-May-15 15:17:25

Block him on Facebook then you can't reply. And tighten your security on there too so only friends can see or message you. There is nothing he can say which will change the past. And why would you be interested in his nonsense anyway?

flanjabelle Mon 11-May-15 15:23:27

Completely agree with the above. Block, delete and forget about it.

WhoNickedMyName Mon 11-May-15 15:28:22

Delete, block, forget him. He's probably sent a generic message to every ex in his little black book. Don't be the one to bite!

Stillyummy Mon 11-May-15 15:34:00

I got one of these from my x, he wanted to be friends. When I was 16 he used to punch me and was very EA. I wish I hadn't replied but I did. I said "hahahaha, why the hell would I want to be friends with you? It has been 10 years and my life has moved in so far. we have nothing in common." Then I blocked him and told DH (who went mental and said how fair he try to talk to me ever).

Stillyummy Mon 11-May-15 15:35:41

Anyway way.... The important thing was blocking him and never giving it a second thought.

Zillie77 Mon 11-May-15 15:50:32

I think you also know, in your heart of hearts, that responding to his message will set you back. Onwards without him!

Hugs to you.(())

DicteSvendsen Mon 11-May-15 16:53:44

Definitely block him.

helpful link

DicteSvendsen Mon 11-May-15 16:55:00

wrong link!


IndecisiveIris Mon 11-May-15 20:01:08

I know you are all right- I suppose I naively hoped that there may be some positive to come out of it.

He was never abusive and while our split was very painful we did try and stay amicable for a while but I felt that distance was needed.

We went through a lot together, bereavements and miscarriage and I think I just wondered if having a chance to have an update on his life would allow me to finally close that chapter. I wouldn't want contact with him after that, I know he's married now wih children likewise he knows I am.

It's hard to explain, I have no feelings about rekindling anything, no ulterior motive in wanting to reply and I absolutely wouldn't be inappriate in any shape or form- it just doesn't feel right ignoring him.

zigazigah01 Mon 11-May-15 21:11:31

I think this idea of closure is completely overrated tbh. You have to accept that you may never have "closure" on a significant relationship - you may move on, but you may never be totally "over it".

I think people use "closure" as an excuse to meet up with an ex when they know they shouldn't. It's a way of justifying it to themselves.

This is bound to unsettle you if you do meet up with him, or reply to his message. Don't be silly /risk what you have.

IndecisiveIris Mon 11-May-15 21:49:50

No I know, you're right- thank you.

I will delete and block.

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