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Dating frustration - do I vent after the "fade" or just walk away?

(12 Posts)
LimeMoon4 Sun 10-May-15 23:19:44

I've been a long time lurker but need some advice as think I need to develop a thicker skin and I need a Mumsnet perspective! I'm late thirties, back to the dating scene after a long term relationship ended. Been on a few dates but no sparkle, then got together with someone I used to work with. We'd always got on great, underlying sexual chemistry which we never did anything about as didn't want an awkward work thing. Went on half a dozen dates and things seemed to be going well. We never had sex although I stayed over at his each time and we did lots of other stuff. Constant texting, he seemed really keen.

We live quite far from each other and he works away during the week so our dates were always a week or two apart. His company was going through a tough time with redundancies etc and he's very work driven so I knew it was causing him concern. Each time I suggested a date he had "something on" that weekend so I asked what was going on and said I didn't want him stringing me along. He assured me he wasn't but needed to get his head straight about work, and make a decision about whether he could see me as he was worried about our previous and potentially future work connection (as we're in the same industry).

That was weeks ago and I'm still waiting for a decision. We meet occasionally for coffee if we're working in the same office complex and have polite chat as if nothing ever happened.

I'm so mad that I've faffed about waiting for him (I really like him which is why I've patiently waited) so thought I'd let him know. I texted him to vent but I just started with "Hey" and he didn't reply so I bottled it and didn't write the rest of what I wanted to say.

Am I being a fool? He's moved on hasn't he and I'm left sitting like a lemon?? Should I still send my venting text saying "you could have just told me you'd made your decision" or will I just look desperate??

MairzyDoats Sun 10-May-15 23:21:41

You'll just look desperate. Keep your head held high, act like it meant nothing, dignity above all else. BTW, he's a tosser.

SelfLoathing Sun 10-May-15 23:25:58

Yes it will look desperate.

The best thing you can do is decide yourself it is over and mean it. If you can't do that, then the second best thing you can do is pretend that you decided yourself it was over ages ago.

If he mentions it to you, just say "oh sorry I moved on ages ago" with a big smile and waft off into your fabulous life (he doesn't need to know you are sobbing into your pillow)

SelfLoathing Sun 10-May-15 23:27:03

BTW "something on" at the weekend is most likely another woman. I don't subscribe to a lot of that Rules crap - but it is broadly true that a man reserves the weekend for dates with the woman he is most interested in.

ArabellaStrange Sun 10-May-15 23:33:15

Walk away with your head held high is my advice!

SolidGoldBrass Sun 10-May-15 23:37:53

Never ever demand an explanation from someone you were dating casually. It would be a lot less painful to get 'Loser' tattooed on your forehead.

lavenderhoney Mon 11-May-15 08:09:46

Taking it slowly sexually has weeded him out. Take no notice of him now.

Start dating again- I always found if just casually dating, and possibly a couple of weeks between coffees and walks etc, there is nothing wrong with dating others- after all, it's friendship building at the start. No rushsmile
Gets rid of the chancers and you don't feel crap because you have another soft date to look forward to anyway.

Blarblarblar Mon 11-May-15 08:21:36

Och lime you must feel pretty disappointed and frustrated. I'm afraid he's not interested in the way you are. You don't need to say anything because it won't matter. Just decide you deserve better and move on. People often want to attach complicated reasons why someone isn't getting involved with them, "doesn't want to get hurt, likes me to much, scared of commitment, hurt friend, job etc" reality is its just not that hard. If he really liked you he wouldn't care. Hes not the right person for you. I'm sorry its hurt you. Get the girls have some wine bitch about him and move on.

Cherryapple1 Mon 11-May-15 08:39:58

Please don't wait for him to 'decide' if he wants you. Don't you deserve better than that? You shouldn't just be his back up option. If he wanted to be with you he would be. Sorry, but I think he was using you.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 11-May-15 09:49:45

Just ignore and block him from now on.
Get back on the dating scene.

LimeMoon4 Mon 11-May-15 23:46:32

Thanks so much for the replies. Each and every one was what I needed to hear to make me realise he just doesn't care and that I'm worth more than that. Sometimes you just need a kick up the butt to make you see sense!!

It's just disappointing. I don't fancy men on sight, I have to get to know them and it grows from there. I've known this guy for awhile so my feelings have developed and it was exciting....rush of hormones to the head I think!!

Dating is so much more difficult when you're older!

TheWhiteFlag Tue 12-May-15 11:12:45

Hope you're okay OP wine

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