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My reaction to flowers from Dh to my work. Am I wrong?(97 Posts)
We have been married for over a decade and he has never sent me flowers to my work or given me flowers full stop really.
We have had a horrible 2 years - read - me finding an EA and then me trying to recover from it and us getting back on track.
For the last year we are ok and both getting on with it, I refused to do the pick me dance and things haven't been easy but we are talking now things have been normal, every day for ages now.
I work in a largely male environment, have for 2 years. I receive the odd thank you gift from team members and clients here and there, nothing special.
Today a huge bunch of flowers arrives, they were in a glass vase and everything, really lovely. They had my name on them as the recipient but the card was blank, ie I had no idea who they were from and I don't help people who can afford thank you gifts this size.
I called the flower company (it's a company we use and they know me) they told me the card was left blank to keep me guessing"
I called my DH twice with no answer and text him "did you send me flowers??" I didn't think for one moment that it was him, he never shows me any emotion.
The keep you guessing comment creeped me out tbh and after a chat at work about not knowing who had sent me a gorgeous vase of flowers I decided to leave them at work because tbh I didn't know who had sent them and why not leave a message.
I'm not the type of women people send lovely flowers to.
DH eventually replied after I had left the flowers at work and they were from him.
He is pissed I left them at work
I'm bemused at the non message
Apparently he asked his PA to order them and didn't want to realay a message of love to her but expected she would add his name.
I ant believe I'm being moaned at for not bringing them home with a blank card. Wwyd?
Do you think he was trying to see whether you mentioned them or not as a sort of trap? Either way sounds very
It sounds like there are still more problems going on than a bunch of flowers.
Personally i think the flower issue is a distraction from the major EA issue...
It's such a pain. If his PA had just added his bloody name it would have been a lovely gesture.
If he has thought about me and paid for flowers that is such a great leap with keeping on track.
I can't help being freaked out by no name flowers and he now feels I was expecting them form someone else.
EA was over 2 years ago and I think we are doing well...
TBH it just sounds like a misunderstanding to me. I would be touched to receive the flowers. The comment from the florist was just that, from the florist. The affair and state of your relationship is an entirely different matter of course.
Take the EA aside for now, it was well over in 2014 and we have talked loads.
I threw him out and didn't allow any script bs or do the pick me dance, I'm not inocent blah blah blah
He did a nice thing for me, first time ever. His PA messed up with the blank card (maybe?)
He is pretty pissed off I left them at work but the loveLy flowers freaked me out not knowing who they were from
Maybe if he had bothered to order the flowers himself, you wouldn't be taking out your (misplaced) ire on his hapless PA?
If he hasn't sent you flowers before then why is he upset at you being surprised at receiving them. I think you did the right thing leaving them at work, how would you know any better who sent them. Seems like a misunderstanding. Was it any special occasion that you could think of?
I too think you did the right thing leaving them at work.
tbh I would not be impressed - if this was supposed to be a grand, loving gesture on his part - that he got someone else to do it for him. That would be an issue on it's own for me - I'd rather he called into a supermarket on the way home. The flowers might not be so posh, but at least he would have done it himself.
Frankly then he didn't send you flowers, his PA did. If anyone is pissed off it at your reaction it should be the PA?
Isn't much of a gesture if it's
"hey [p.a], order my wife some flowers."
PA "what message? "
Er, cough, too embarrassed to display emotion....
Not a lot of thought there.
EA etc aside, I would still have bought a lovely bunch of flowers home! Cannot see why the upset or somehow thinking it was creepy?!
In my opinion sending flowers to your workplace is just stamping the 'taken' mark on you. Especially if you work in a male dominated work place. The no message or name thing, a trap. Getting your PA to send it - lazy!
Bringing a lovely bunch of personally selected flowers home with you - lovely!
I think the "keep you guessing" is possibly a red herring/misinterpretation of the florist.
Eg your DH thinks "Want to get DW some flowers. Don't know what to get/do/say, I don't know anything about flowers. Hey PA. You know about flowers. Can you organise to send some to my DW? Here's her work address. Make it a fancy one. Around £50-£60, whatever it costs.
PA: <orders flowers> "Um, message? I don't know, he didn't say what to put. Should it say "all my love from X"? "love from X?" Love you darling from X"? Don't know - don't put anything on actually, it'll keep her guessing, hey! (laughs) Puts phone down. Job done.
Your DH : Spent a lot on some flowers that yes, he got his PA to order but I don't think that's "lazy", I think it's because he may be nervous of somehow getting it wrong/thinks PA can get it right. Knows nothing of the "no message" backstory whatsover. Thinks you have left flowers at work because you don't care for them/he got it "wrong".
I would thank your DH for the lovely flowers, explain that it seemed a bit creepy without the name and the "keep her guessing" thing and you didn't want to rightly accept such a generous bouquet without being sure of who had sent them. Stand your ground - you've done nothing wrong. (Neither has he, unless he orchestrated the "keep her guessing" comment which I bet he did not unless he is generally manipulative - I reckon that was a joke the PA made on the spot.
PS It sounds as though you are really touched by the gesture despite the misunderstanding of the card.
I would make a fun small gesture back in the next day or so. Put a note or a loveheart in his wallet or leave his fave chocolate bar in his coat pocket or his car so he finds it when he gets in one morning. Put a sticky note on it with "thanks for the flowers x" on. Occasionally I buy my DH a new mug with a fun/loving message on it and make his cup of tea in it without mentioning the mug, just wait for him to see it says "Good Morning Handsome" or whatever
The "blank to keep you guessing" was a remark by the florist, or possibly the PA, not your DH.
You DH has as far as we can tell, sent you some anonymous flowers with no good reason.
Thats a nice thing, right?
You mentioned earlier that he "nver shows emtion" - that could be a separate problem all by itself but if you don't have a problem with it thn we shouldn't butt int othat area of your relationship rght now.
Trills well, technically it could have been the DH - but it's far more likely it was the PA or the florist making a throwaway remark.
OP, do you have any reason to think your DH would actually instruct the card to be left blank deliberately to confuse you?
I had an ex-boyfriend who would do exactly this sort of thing to see if I would mention it - if I didn't, he would quiz me on why I had kept quiet about anonymous flowers, and if I did, he would keep up the pretense that he knew nothing about it and who did I think they could be from? (just to try to winkle out if there was any competition either real or supposed from my point of view - he was madly jealous,possessive + a nutter, but that's another story). If your DH is not usually like this you can pretty much rule out that he knew anything about the card and put it down to flippant comment from florist or PA.
I don't your reaction was unreasonable. I'm afraid I agree with others saying there are more problems than the flowers here.
How did he actually win you back? What persuaded you both to try again?
I remember my Mum once receiving an orchid or something exotic at work from my stepfather. They were not particularly happily married (but OKish) - he was always in the pub and rubbish with money.
When she got the orchid she was furious. She felt he had done it so that everyone at work would go "Wow! What a lovely husband! How romantic! I wish MY husband would do something like that." Whereas she would have preferred him just to come home straight from work and not roll in steaming drunk at 11pm. (I thought she was a bit harsh TBH because stepf never thought about anything very hard and I expect sending it was just an impulse, he thought it would be a nice thing to do on the spur of the moment.)
I sort of got that feeling about your H. Sending it to work makes it LOOK to all your colleagues that like he is romantic/considerate etc. But it turns out he didn't even bother to make the phone call himself.
Of course it could be that it was a test, he thinks you have got your eye on someone and he was going to see if you mentioned them or not.
And surely if it was so important that they were brought home then, er, he could have had them sent to your home?
I would be pissed off too.
Such a lazy OTT gesture requiring minimal effort on his part.
I don't like receiving grand romantic gestures of flowers at work - it crosses boundaries for me - why not send to my home?
The lack of message would creep me out too - I once got an anonymous valentine card at work and I hated it as I felt I was being stalked.
Was it a birthday or anniversary? If he does not normally do things like that, I would wonder what he has been up to.
Can't you just tell him they were lovely and thank him? =. And tell him they brighten up your office? You were a bit puzzled by the blank message but you love them. Unless there are layers I'm missing, it sounds a bit like a misunderstanding to me.
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