Hi all, the reason this is so urgent is because my partner has just gone to work and will be finishing his shift by 10pm tonight, home no later than 11 at the latest.
I want to make my decision in this time and need some advice/perspective.
DP has always been quite a closed off person, this has caused some tension as i am a very open person. On one hand he wants to be open and share everything with his partner (Aka myself) but on the other he is scared of things turning out like a bad relationship he had years ago (they were together for 5.5 years, broke up 2.5 years ago) It dragged on for far longer than necessary, there was lots of cheating on his exes part, she refused to get a job and support herself (and for 4 months after the breakup refused to move out because she "Couldn't afford it") DP was left in 5k of debt with her owing him another 3k, He was financially crippled and has only very recently gotten back on track. We are expecting our first child in November (Unplanned but these things happen and we are happy about it) DP has lots of issues with the way he was treated by his ex. Here are some things that happened (that i know of but i suspect there may be more)
-they got together as students and had an open relationship, after approx 6 months he decided he no longer wanted an open relationship, she decided she did want it to continue but in the end they both agreed (not sure under what circs) that a "closed" relationship was best.
-after this his ex became unhappy and started sleeping around behind his back.
-Dp dropped out of uni and got a job, ex dropped out of uni and did not get a job leaving him supporting them on minimum wage (nigh on impossible even while doing 55 hour work weeks)
-Ex manipulated, bullied and emotionally hurt dp.
-Ex lied to and about dp to lots of people (Even one time claiming DP had held a knife on her- on this particular occasion my own sister, as a friend of DP,s and several other people confirmed that he did not act violently nor was anywhere near a knife)
This relationship was very abusive and damaging and dragged on for far longer than necessary as dp was afraid of being alone.
DP has carried this hurt with him for all the time we've been together (a little over a year) and began to take it out on me, whilst he was not abusive he has for weeks at a time become distant, cold, affectionate and very inattentive, in times where he was not like this he was still closed off, would rarely show affection and was very depressed.
I stuck it out until a month ago, I went nuclear and screamed at him about it all and pointed out all of his behaviors (cold, moody, snappy, irritable, distant etc etc etc) and how all of it made me feel and how i couldnt bring a child into such an unloving or uncaring environment.
After this DP broke down in front of me and said how sorry he was and since has tried to talk things through, be more open, much more affectionate and loving with me but I don't feel I can trust him, for so long he has treated me like I'm a witch to be burnt at the stake and now I just do not trust him and im not 110 percent this is even worth working on tbh, Right from the honeymoon phase (hate that term, but the lovely shiny start of a relationship phase) he has been like this and I want to be with someone who loves me and shows it often (Im not talking massive bundles of flowers and stuff im talking forehead kisses and a "Im happy to see you" if i've gone away for a few days etc)
To leave or not to leave? im rush typing atm but will answer any questions if i've left something out
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Desperate for advice. To leave or not to leave... URGENT
OMFGWHY · 07/05/2015 15:36
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