I'm not a hairy handed troll but have name changed as I feel like an idiot.
I've just started a bit of a thing with a guy from work which is not common knowledge and I don't know how to interpret his reactions.
Back story, I have just come out of a 10 year relationship, prior to that my experience was mostly drunken fumbles. His marriage is over but still sharing a home with his wife until it sells. He is older but I don't know a huge amount his sexual history.
There have been several kissing sessions and two more involved sessions. First at his house - we both found it a bit weird being there. Things were fairly passionate but when I reached into his pants he was soft. He told me to make it hard. Ultimately we both agreed it was too weird and left it.
Last night we were in the car (classy I know) and things were very steamy. Again He wasn't hard, but was on the way. Again he told me to make it hard.
I'm trying not to been too graphic but on both occasions he was very happy to pay me attention and that seemed to be his focus. He wanted to do (nice!) things to me last night beyond what we were doing already.
With my ex, he would have been hard after what I guess you could call heavy making out. I don't know how to interpret what's going on with the new guy - he's not interested? ExDp was unusually responsive? I just don't know, I'm not experienced enough to have much of a frame of reference.
I'm a heterosexual man so can only post from personal experience (!). But I'm late 30s and in the situation you describe would expect to be hard. I'm absolutely not in any way boasting or saying this for effect, it's an anonymous message board!
I appreciate you might not want to give too much info, but given he has now asked you twice to "make it hard", I'd want to know more about that and what he actually means. Has he made it clear what he expects you to do? It's just from what you wrote it almost sounded like all the responsibility was on you...
Re your comment:- "His marriage is over but still sharing a home with his wife until it sells".
And do you really believe that or him for that matter?. You are making out with a man who is still married, you could well be just his bit on the side. Also this is a person from work as well, this could get really complicated and you are not long out of a long relationship either. Have you really spent any time on your own?.
Red flags a plenty here; his not get hard is the least of your problems. And that is a problem as well.
Think you could do better frankly, far better. Your relationship bar is set far too low.
I appreciate and understand the concern over his relationship status and the wisdom of the relationship in general. I'm confident that his marriage is over although I know I'd be sceptical if I was reading about this too. As to whether it's a smart relationship in general possibly not. I'm confused about the whole thing.
I'm reassured that I'm not alone in expecting him to be hard but it doesn't make me feel great about myself! I don't understand what's going on at all. He was quite happy to continue with the focus all on me but I kind of lost the mood and felt completely undesirable.
I would expect a guy to be hard at that stage, if the kissing and touching had been going on for a good few minutes at that point.
I wouldn't really appreciate being told to "make it hard", especially if we'd just be engaging in activity that you'd expect to make someone hard!
I'd guess either his mind is elsewhere, or it's a guilt thing. I'd maybe give it one more go, maybe at yours, or somewhere neutral and comfortable (eg not car/his wife's house) and if the same thing happens (and he's not offering an explanation) then don't waste your time.
When you said he was older I thought you meant old enough for it to make a difference/erectile dysfunction sort of old.
My DP is late 30s and, like your ex, gets wood just from kissing or thinking about kissing so I would expect a steamy session to do the job, not him instructing you to 'make it hard' whatever that entails.
The home situation sounds weird and could have something to do with it, or his marriage might have struggled because of the sex thing? Without talking to him about it, you'll never know. If you can't talk to him, you probably shouldn't be shagging him.