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Something weird going on? Or am I reading too much into this?

(17 Posts)
Wishful80smontage Wed 06-May-15 20:05:11

Partner got an envelope through post from his ex- company (recently changed jobs) forwarding on some paperwork there was a letter with it which screwed up, when I asked him what it said he said it was just saying what was enclosed. Because he screwed the letter up and was acting weird I asked to see it- it was as he said but at the end said hope you're ok? And then a girls name. He said he didn't know know her just someone from HR.
Then I looked at his facebook he isn't friends with this woman but all his friends from old work are 'friends' with her but more weirdly some of my partners friends from where we live (30 miles from his workplace) are friends with her too?
1. Is it odd that she's friends with literally all his other work friends but they are not 'friends' on FB
2. Odd that she knows 2 of his friends that don't work at his old company or live anywhere near her?

I'm expecting dc2 we've been together 13 years.
Not sure what to do next am I worried over nothing?

Grewupinafield Wed 06-May-15 20:08:29

Put it down to pregnancy hormones! This wouldn't worry me at all!

Grewupinafield Wed 06-May-15 20:09:26

Unless of course you have reason to not trust him? Any history we should know about?

NaiceNickname Wed 06-May-15 20:12:00

It is a bit weird, especially his reaction. But then if there was something dodgy going on I'm sure their mode of communication would not be via notes scribbled on the bottom of a letter sent to his home address.

Wishful80smontage Wed 06-May-15 20:13:04

No he's not cheated on me as far as I know.

Wishful80smontage Wed 06-May-15 20:14:14

Yes naice the reaction seemed odd which is why I asked to see note.

Grewupinafield Wed 06-May-15 20:16:24

If you're really worried, talk to him openly. When I was pregnant I got all sorts of difficult hormones making me jealous or seeing things that weren't actually there. I spoke to my dh, he was kind and understanding, let me look at whatever I wanted because he had nothing to hide.
If he reacts badly when you talk to him, perhaps that will tell you something.

somethingmorepositive Wed 06-May-15 20:41:04

Sorry, but he said he didn't know her? Or wasn't friends with her?

Wishful80smontage Wed 06-May-15 20:47:48

He said 'someone from hr I don't really know her'.

SelfLoathing Wed 06-May-15 21:34:08

But then if there was something dodgy going on I'm sure their mode of communication would not be via notes scribbled on the bottom of a letter sent to his home address.

Well it could be if there had been something going on that was now over.

His reaction sounds highly suspect to me.

iwashappy Wed 06-May-15 21:44:07

Can I start off by saying that I discovered my husband was cheating on me last year so my judgement is somewhat coloured by that. Whereas before I trusted now I doubt so please accept that my view is partly based on my own negative experience.

As two separate instances, your DP screwing up the letter and this woman asking if he is okay are probably okay but together they would concern me. Unless he dislikes the woman immensely I don't see any reason to screw up the letter, it is strange behaviour.

I know the meaning behind the written word can be misinterpreted but why would she ask if he is okay as a direct question if they hardly knew each other. Surely it would have been said as a statement, as a hope everything is okay with you, without the question mark.

My hunch, and it is only a hunch it could be entirely innocent is that there may have been something going on, maybe as an emotional affair or even just a mutual attraction.

I don't know if your DP's changing job was sudden or unexpected but if it was that would lend credence to that point of view.

I am speculating that whatever the nature of their relationship your DP decided it was best that they didn't work together anymore before it developed any further and changed jobs. There are still feelings there on her part hence the asking if he is okay? Because your DP didn't want to be tempted he is not friends with her on Facebook because he has taken steps to not have this woman involved in his life. Possibly this woman is purely Facebook friends with some of your DP's friends because she took an interest in his life and they responded to her requests because she said she was a friend of your DP. It is possible she doesn't know them in real life.

Alternatively this woman liked your DP and he wasn't remotely interested but felt uncomfortable with her level of interest and thus changed jobs, isn't Facebook friends with her and that would also explain why he screwed up her letter.

Is there any possibility that she was an ex-girlfriend of his from before you got together. He could have thought you would be uncomfortable with them working together and kept his distance and could explain the letter and how she knows some of his friends.

Please speak to him and I hope he can reassure you that you have nothing to worry about. All of my thoughts could well be way of the mark but may give you some insight into what you would like clarified.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope all turns out to be okay.

newnamesamegame Wed 06-May-15 22:55:28

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions, and I don't want to alarm you, but my gut feeling is similar to that of iwashappy.

If it really were a routine note from someone in HR, even someone he had a reasonably good working relationship with, I would think it very unlikely they would write "hope you're ok". Firstly because people in HR are super sensitive to appropriateness and the need for things to be done above board. Was it a typed letter or a hand-written note?

I also think screwing the latter up is odd -- you just wouldn't do it unless there were some reason for irritation or hurt. Did your P leave his job under a cloud or with some bad blood with someone at the firm?

This doesn't necessarily point to an affair, btw, it is perfectly possible that your P had a falling out with someone which was not romantically or sexually motivated.

But the whole thing strikes me as a bit too intimate for a standard sign-off from an HR department. And his reaction is quite strange...

GinBunny Wed 06-May-15 23:13:21

I work in HR and would send a similar note on a compliment slip. A blank compliment slip in an envelope feels a bit impersonal, so I always write something.
I hope that is all it is flowers

newnamesamegame Wed 06-May-15 23:21:50

GinBunny ok -- I take it back about HR. Maybe we are all reading too much into this.

Still think screwing the letter up is odd though...

Wishful80smontage Thu 07-May-15 08:41:58

Hi thanks for responses. I've spoken to him and feel reassured with the responses.
To clarify he left old work as they were'nt always paying him what he was owed.
He isn't friends with her on FB. She's not sent him a friend request he said his security settings are so that randoms can't add him.
The friends she knows from our home city are in a related industry and she started in training so it would make sense she would have those connections.
The screwing of the note he's still saying is nothing I'm now wondering if that was because he knew I would be suspicious of a woman writing 'hope you're ok' and reading into it.
Anyway I'm hoping its nothing thanks for responses

faitaccompli Thu 07-May-15 08:53:02

Maybe he screwed it up because it was irrelevant and he didn't need it?

Wishful80smontage Thu 07-May-15 08:57:51

Fajita that's kind of what he said- 'I didn't need to keep that' kind of thing and the important paperwork was put aside

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