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How to fall in love (or something like that)

(12 Posts)
TickledOnion Wed 06-May-15 08:44:04

I've been seeing someone for nearly 2 months. He's lovely, kind, thoughtful, really good in bed, seems like a good dad. Perfect really so why can't I fall in love with him? I like being with him but don't get butterflies thinking about him and don't miss him when we're not together. Am I just weird? I think I'm a bit cold and cynical but I don't want to be.

yougotafriend Wed 06-May-15 09:03:53

I know exactly what you mean, I'm in a similar "relationship". One of girlfriends keeps wanting to romanticise it and tells me I must be in denial about my feelings for this bloke.... But I'm totally not... There's nothing wrong, but there is something missing.

I'd say don't force it, if it happens over time great, if it doesn't enjoy his company while it lasts, but be careful that he doesn't get mixed signals and knows where he stands with you.

talbotinthesky Wed 06-May-15 09:06:51

2 months is early to tell isn't it? Do you see him often?

gildedcage Wed 06-May-15 09:24:43

Chemistry. There are lots of lovely men, with great qualities but we don't fall in love with everyone of them we meet.

Chemistry can't be manufactured, you have it or you don't. Its not about how attractive they are or how lovely they are. Something just clicks.

Perhaps you just wont have that with this person. There isn't anything wrong with that, and certainly nothing wrong with you or him.

pocketsaviour Wed 06-May-15 09:30:51

Unpopular opinion alert

I think that the older you get, and especially once you've had kids, you realise that romantic love is for the young and foolish .

Liking someone, having great sex with them and being fond of them are a far better proposition for a lasting relationship.

Rebelwithacause Wed 06-May-15 09:32:26

I think the butterflies and excitement are really important especially in the early stages of a relationship.

Why would you bother otherwise?

I don't think they'll come either. They are either there or they're not. This isn't the right guy for you.

missqwerty Wed 06-May-15 09:36:09

Chemistry is just excitement or longing. It's not love, love to me is gratitude on a major level and over time you develop a protective instinct too.

My relationship started with the most intense chemistry, now that ebs and flows. As does the feeling of gratitude.

It's hard to know what to feel when all around you people describe love as euphoric, trust your own instincts not what you see in the movies. I very much doubt couples that grow old together feel butterflies and excitement daily!

I think when a relationship has no mystery, when nobody has to chase and there are no games played then the chemistry bit can be a slow burner.

Love is a much nicer feeling then chemistry, it feels safe and peaceful and complete. I wouldn't write this man off yet, get to know yourself better and give things time with him.

gildedcage Wed 06-May-15 16:41:56

Yes but love and falling in love are different beasts

You need chemistry in the beginning...love evolves over time but you have to have a foundation to build on.

When you first meet someone it seems to me that you need something more to keep you interested. And for a long relationship I think good chemistry keeps you bonded together.

You can't rationalise or talk yourself into falling in love its something that just happens.

gildedcage Wed 06-May-15 16:45:00

For the record I've been with my dh for 20 years and I love him in all ways. But I still get a buzz when he rings etc.

albal14 Wed 06-May-15 17:47:20

I'm in agreement with the majority, you either have it or you don't. Great if it is mutual, if it's one way a real awful feeling. I'm talking chemistry here.

I miss it sooo much.

TokenGinger Wed 06-May-15 17:50:59

I've been dating somebody for just short of five months now and feel like I'm pretty much at the "love" stage, but he's not although he did mutter it in bed last night when he was half asleep and dribbling. He says love is a strong word and for him, he thinks it's too soon to love me but that he cares about me deeply.

I think two months is quite soon to know whether you love somebody or not. Just give it some time.

pocketsaviour Wed 06-May-15 17:51:51

You could always try this

A bit tongue in cheek, but it's easy to see why the above works - you're exposing your vulnerability to someone, and that's extremely bonding.

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