We are invited to a summer wedding of a mutual friend. There has been plenty of opportunity for DP to say he can't/doesn't want to go. It's camping with a toddler in tow plus money being tight, having to take time off so not the easiest holiday.
After neither of us sending off RSVP (me hoping he would do it as I didn't want to manage all our outings, see below) I finally spoke friend, apologised for not RSVPing and confirming all 3 of us were attending. I feel I had reason to believe we weren't but I should have checked with him one last time.
So today I chatted about it and it transpires he doesn't want to go, claiming he doesn't want to take anymore time off work (so far has taken off 7 days for the whole year, 4 of which way after wedding invite arrived). He offers to look after DD (which means he has to take time off work anyway) and I go by myself.
I am so disappointed (and told him so) as a) I'm looking forward to going, our only holiday just the 3 of us b)letting down friend who will have finalised numbers c) turning up by myself putting on a brave face in front of our friends, having to excuse/explain his absence. His reaction is to shrug his shoulders, apologise for me feeling disappointed but not budging or saying much more.
DP has form for this hence not knowing how to deal with it, a recent big let down was him saying he would come and meet me abroad at my parents to spend a few days and us travel back together. I was heavily pregnant and had lots of luggage. He went to a gig instead of picking me up from the airport too.
He doesn't enjoy socialising often, much prefers to stay in &watch a film. He very rarely socialises by himself, used to play music with mates but has stopped for various reasons. This is not new behaviour and usually I will just do what I want to do with/without DD and leave it to him if he wants to join in so that we both do what makes us happy. But I do insist on some 'quality family outings' about once every fortnight as I think its important for us as a family. This is annoying me a lot as I don't want to make him want to go places but if I don't we will go to the local park again and again.
He does work 6 days a week in a physical job so I understand that he needs to recharge his batteries. But he only works half days (30h/week max) and used to be like that when not working too.
So what I really need help with is in how to deal with the disappointment and resentment building up. There are other issues in our relationship (when isn't there...) and I have at times been tempted to break it off but for 2 reasons I want to try to make it work: Firstly our 18 month old whom he adores & is a great dad to and secondly we have decided to try and settle in my home country come October, which is what I always wanted us to do. I want to make it work but I'm halfexpecting it not to...:(
Sorry for the essay, I hope it makes sense to whomever has got this far!
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Relationships
My DP has let me down and I don't know how to deal with it
crumpeteer · 05/05/2015 00:39
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