I hate my life

[Azulejo9]

Another thread on here got me thinking and I just need perspectives or am I BU?
My Dp and I have not been getting along lately, together 15years and have DC together. Lately everything he does annoys me, tonight we rowed over the fact he left on the home PC ( it's in the bedroom) I put the kids to bed and turned it off. He came upstairs and starting shouting that I turned it off without saving his work! Starting calling me names: fucking cunt, fucking bitch etc.. I was lying on the bed with our youngest who heard all this.
He's forever leaving his clothes lying around (he doesn't work full time, maybe a day or two in a fortnight) I'm sick of hearing myself nag about the clothes/PC left on / shoes/ his crap lying around!
I've had enough of it now, I work fulltime and run the house I'm sick of my life and his name calling!
Am I been unreasonable or should I just leave the bastard, there's no fucking joy in my life right now

[hidingfromthem]

YANBU.
don't LTB. kick him out.
yes - you deserve better.
from your description, he's a user and a waste of space.
plus - you need to protect your kids from his horrible outbursts.

[AuntyMag10]

Yanbu, he's abusive. Your kids do not need to grow up like this. You deserve better.

[VixxFace]

He's abusive and sounds like a cocktail. ltb

[GreenPetal94]

I have a great husband and he leaves his clothes around and the PC on. Try and stand back and think things through. What really matters? Are you nagging too much? But I don't like the swearing in front of your youngest.

[trice]

He sounds awful. Do you love him enough to put up with this shit?

[Azulejo9]

Thanks all. I would never have thought abusive? But the name calling that's a new thing lately is really grating on my nerves. rainbow spiral I don't feel I'm nagging too much but agree that my youngest hearing the name calling Is unacceptable behaviour.

[ollieplimsoles]

The name calling is abuse op, that language is never ok and especially not in front of your LOs. You work full time and take care of the kids, you deserve that he pulls his head out his ass and picks up his fucking clothes, its not hard.

[Poppet1974]

I'd LTB not for leaving his clothes lying around or leaving the computer on but for the name calling! He obviously doesn't have very much respect for you and I'd be beyond furious that he shouted all this in front of your children!
Why doesn't he work more?
He sounds like a waste of space!

[dougierose]

Have you both stopped liking each other? I left my first DH after 12 years together because I realised that I loved him because he was the father of my DD, but I didn't actually like him, nor the things he said, nor the things he did, nor the way he looked.....

Write a list of pros and cons, fantasise about how you will actually leave him and how you can practically map out a future without him... and see how you feel then.

Good luck

[Kiwiinkits]

I wouldn't say that's abusive behaviour, it sounds more like two people getting in each others' space too much. OP, honestly, I think the solution here is for you to have a holiday. Maybe a quiet retreat somewhere. Just get out of the house for a bit. You sound tired.

[Kiwiinkits]

Also, LTB is the hard solution to this. Not the easy one. Hard on everyone, but especially your kids.

[Icimoi]

Tell him if he doesn't save his work when he leaves the computer he has no-one to blame but himself if he loses it. And that if he doesn't shape up he'll have to leave.

[Amethyst24]

Oh yes, a lovely spa day, that'll stop her DP calling OP a cunt, job done, kiwi

Don't let him play the "nag" card, that's a way of making you responsible for his shortcomings. There's no excuse for him talking to you like that, OP.

[BurningBridges]

I think you need to report your own thread and get it moved to relationships OP, I know AIBU is a bit odd sometimes but honestly - bit tired, nagging, etc - FFS he called her a cunt in front of the kids!!

[Tootsiepops]

I've only been with my husband for five years, so maybe I'm not qualified to comment on a relationship that's lasted three times as long, but if my husband ever called me a cunt, I'd be both heartbroken and livid and husband would be out on his arse.

[kissmethere]

Yes this is very abusive, you're right that kind of behaviour and language in front of the children is disgusting.
You need to tell him to go or see some dramatic improvement with the way he treats you.
Please don't let the children go through a life like this, you all deserve better.

[passmethewineplease]

He called you a cunt in front of your dc? That is despicable behaviour and he should feel ashamed of himself.

And yes it is verbal abuse kiwi

You work full time and run the house why he works one or two days a fortnight.

He's the cunt OP. Not you.

[captaincarter]

cocklodger

[dougierose]

I once had to unfriend a friend in RL because I witnessed her DH calling her DD a twat because she (the DD) ate some of his sandwich. She was only two and a half.

[justonemoretime2p]

"Name calling is abuse" what?

[passmethewineplease]

Yes it's verbal abuse isn't it?

[justonemoretime2p]

I suppose so yes, the word abuse seems to be very widely used.

[passmethewineplease]

There's no suppose about it. Calling someone horrid names in front of your own children is abusive IMO.

I'd love to know why you work full time and run the house as well OP whilst he works his two days a fortnight?

[DawnMumsnet]

Hi, we're moving this thread over to Relationships at the OP's request.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Yes you should kick him out.
He sounds horribly abusive, vile and is a cocklodger (although I like cocktail as well)
Be brings nothing to your life so it's time to make plans to get him gone!