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Good guy V Bad guy

(24 Posts)
Pinklaydee1302 Mon 04-May-15 18:52:00

Well don't most of us women like a bad guy....but do we end up changing them into a good guy? Or does the good guy usually win the race?? (Being marriage/long term commitment)

After meeting lots of bad boys OLD I've finally found a nice guy but am wondering if he'll have what it takes to keep me happy long term.

Thoughts anyone?

AnyFucker Mon 04-May-15 18:54:50

I don't like "bad guys" I think they are twats

I feel sorry for women who only go for bad guys, they will get fucked over again and again.

Women who think they can change, train and otherwise overhaul a bloke's basic personality are deluded

PeppermintCrayon Mon 04-May-15 18:57:00

I don't understand your post. I don't like bad guys and don't know anyone who would deliberately seek one out. I think you should stop trying to convince yourself that everyone feels like this.

Are you saying you're addicted to dysfunction?

Pinklaydee1302 Mon 04-May-15 18:58:05

I think at 43 AF ive finally learnt to appreciate a genuinely good guy n feel so much calmer within smile

NotReallyAPrincess Mon 04-May-15 18:58:38

Good guys are, well, good.

Bad guys are idiots.

I know what I would pick...

Pinklaydee1302 Mon 04-May-15 19:00:01

No we don't seek them out purposely peppermint but seem to attract them somehow or believe their lies or attempts of being a good guy

AnyFucker Mon 04-May-15 19:00:26

Hallelujah !

It would be best if you didn't pretty much think was ok for guys to be "bad" though, and that it was up to women to train them out of it

MadeMan Mon 04-May-15 19:03:11

"Well don't most of us women like a bad guy....but do we end up changing them into a good guy?"

How about changing a good guy into a bad guy?

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Mon 04-May-15 19:06:33

Depends what you're defining as "bad guy". Dh rode a motorbike, was in a band etc. but not a bad bone in his body.

Xh was a geek. Nasty through and though.

So for me good guys treat you with respect and as an equal.

Bad guys are selfish and don't actually care about you.

Give me the good guy every time.

Pinklaydee1302 Mon 04-May-15 19:08:53

Well they do mademan, they have affairs !

Pinklaydee1302 Mon 04-May-15 19:10:13

It's the real them, underneath the facade of being the good guy I mean...we do fall for that type though some of us

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 04-May-15 19:12:16

It is down to you to keep you happy, you cannot ask or even expect another person to be responsible for your long term happiness.

The man in your relationship is not and never has been your project or fixer upper to somehow make your own improvements too. If you treat him as a project then you need to ask yourself why you are doing that. A person also cannot act as either a rescuer and or saviour in a relationship and if you do, you need to ask yourself why that is and where that mindset started.

I was wondering what you learnt about relationships when growing up, what sort of example did your parents set you?.

People are not puzzles to be figured out and re bad boys such types too hate women, all of them.

I can only speak for my own self but without exception all the girls in my school who dated such troubled boys had poor self worth (tough on the outside but inside emotionally vulnerable) made in part by their father who had walked out on their mother some years before.

hereandtherex Mon 04-May-15 19:38:29

Thankfully only a few women fall for 'bad guys'.

All the 'bad boy fanciers' I've known have had one foot in the looney bin door.

I think you need to work on your own self worth. It will help having financial independence. I have some magic beans I can sell you . . .

pocketsaviour Mon 04-May-15 19:43:32

Don't mistake someone you find boring with a "good guy".

He might well be a "good guy"; it doesn't mean you're obliged to fall into a relationship with him if you don't fancy him.

If you have a history of being attracted to "bad guys" because you like the drama or don't think you deserve better - well it sounds from your former post that this might have been the case, but you're changing things, so well done smile

Pinklaydee1302 Mon 04-May-15 20:00:17

Yes Attila my dad walked out when I was 4 and let me down various times over the years and yes that's why I think most men are bad. My mum took my dad back when I was12 n then he left us again 7 months later n my mum was pregnant hmm

MadeMan Mon 04-May-15 20:01:09

This song and video explain the whole bad boy thing clearly and are very helpful.

Bad boys

NoArmaniNoPunani Mon 04-May-15 20:03:55

I was expecting you to be about 23 not 43.

Pinklaydee1302 Mon 04-May-15 20:03:59

Pocket the guy ive met just seems decent and has respect for me it's early days but I have done a lot of analysing myself as opposed to relationships just lately n mayb that's why I appreciate this nice man that's come into my life. He not boring, he makes me laugh....I just feel wanted and its a good feeling smile

Pinklaydee1302 Mon 04-May-15 20:04:31

Pocket the guy ive met just seems decent and has respect for me it's early days but I have done a lot of analysing myself as opposed to relationships just lately n mayb that's why I appreciate this nice man that's come into my life. He not boring, he makes me laugh....I just feel wanted and its a good feeling smile

Pinklaydee1302 Mon 04-May-15 20:05:47

See mademan even pop stars fall for that type ��

Pinklaydee1302 Mon 04-May-15 20:09:19

Clearly haven't learnt a right lot in 20 years Armani hmm

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 04-May-15 20:11:47

Am sorry to read that Pinklaydee re your dad and his repeated abandonment of you. The same scenario happened to the girls I wrote of as well in my post. Its no coincidence they went for "bad boys"; they were trying to heal the hurts of their past, also they did not really like or love their own selves.

The website Baggage Reclaim has a good section on such an issue and it is worth reading:-

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/when-youre-afraid-of-abandonment-but-you-also-choose-people-that-are-likely-not-to-stay/

I wish you all the best for the future

Joysmum Mon 04-May-15 20:28:08

I put those that go for the dodgy types as rescuers, who feel they can make someone see the error of their ways and improve themselves.

There are plenty of rescuers about who think the man simply hasn't found the right person yet and all will be well because they are the right person.

Pinklaydee1302 Mon 04-May-15 20:52:17

Thanks Attila I'll read that, I do read Baggage Reclaim frequently hmm

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