Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Can't sleep or get the thought out of my head - think he is having an affair

(68 Posts)
Poshsausage Sat 02-May-15 06:33:29

..Well yes I could just need mental health treatment instead due to severe sleep deprivation but hey ho
Happy to be wrong

It's mentionitis which has pricked my ears up about a woman he has started to work with in the past 6m
Recently it's a lot more , not personal stuff really but it's the way he says her name , I know sounds stupid

He can't do enough for me lately , gushingly so , giving me cash also to treat myself , no reason , were pretty strapped at mo , no affection though quite suddenly
I've asked him about her as it's getting a bit much and his reaction is weird , brushing me off and suddenly having verbal diarrohea about random stuff
Child's car seat taken out of the car , seeing friends who suddenly have major problems and need him there , lots of time at the gym (no gym bag)
God this sounds ridiculous but then why is t bugging me now and I've been googling how to tell if your husbands cheating !! All night ! Just have this really sick feeling in my stomach
Argh can't put my finger on it but it's weird
Feel free to ignore me I'm probably going mad

shewept Sat 02-May-15 07:00:07

Hi, I am sorry you are going through this.

It does sound like it's possible. A lot of this sounds like it could lead that way or be innocent. I talk about one particular colleague, as spend most of my day with him. I go to the gym with no bag, and come home for a shower and I take the car seat out if I need the backseat. So some could have an explanation.

But all of it together at once does seem suspicious. You know him, I think you need to go with your gut on this one. You definitely need to confront him, or is he the type to carry on lying?

parsnipbob Sat 02-May-15 07:05:49

Hmm, does sound suspicious. Trust your instincts. You need to ask him about it.

TrulyTurtles Sat 02-May-15 07:05:53

Sorry, but think you are right. Any other big clues, like suddenly being more interested in his grooming, over protective of his mobile? Think I'd be sitting him down and talking, don't let him wriggle out of it.
Been there and it's grim. flowers

RL20 Sat 02-May-15 07:12:37

Sorry you feel like this. It's awful. I agree to go with your instincts. What are you planning on doing next, talking to him about it? Wishing you the best x

TwartFaceBeetj Sat 02-May-15 07:21:49

lots of time at the gym (no gym bag)

I'm sorry, with everything you have wrote. I think maybe your gut instinct maybe right. flowers

Poshsausage Sat 02-May-15 07:22:18

That's the thing isn't it ... It's when you know someone so well . And there are these teeny things all stuck together all of a sudden and your stomach knows before your brain does
I feel so sick I could vomit
I've no real way of finding out

parsnipbob Sat 02-May-15 07:24:27

Posh why can't you ask him?

Poshsausage Sat 02-May-15 07:31:45

I did last night but that's when he got verbal diarrohea again and changed subject left room
I feel a bit cold toward him today
I'll raise it again as I can't have this bugging me it will do my head in!

TwartFaceBeetj Sat 02-May-15 07:36:02

I know it sounds typical mn, but it might be worth asking to move this to the relationships board.

Twirlwirlywoo Sat 02-May-15 07:37:47

I am on the fence about upfront asking because I have seen it done on know before. Few partners say Yes I am seeing . Someone else. Most say no. The op is then left feeling the same and no further forward.

Sadly as well, if the dp is cheating they have then been alerted to the fact they are close to being busted and will change behaviour patterns covering up the truth for longer.

I spend too much time in the relationships topic I think.

I am not suggesting you start snooping for weeks but something has alerted you and there is a small window for you to see if you can find out any more.

The mobile phone usually holds the key in these cases. Also loads and laptops. Messages and shared pictures. I have also seen people suggest check car mileage and bank statements. Some people suggest suddenly asking to go along too to where ever he has to pop out to and seeing their reaction.

You don't want to drag the snooping out for weeks on end but try a little investigating yourself before being upfront.

Really hope all this can be explained innocently away.

Ouchbloodyouch Sat 02-May-15 08:10:34

It doesn't sound good. As you can see asking him will bring you no further forward. He may even tell you that you are going mad. That you are not nice for not trusting him. Etc.
You aren't going mad. I just knew my ex was having an affair. But of course he denied it. But he was. If that ever happens again and I know I won't be hanging around begging for the truth and waiting for proof. I appreciate that your situation is going to be far more difficult to extricate yourself from but not impossible. You really ought to move this to the relationship boards as you will get some very good advice. (Not saying that the advice in chat isn't good)
I am sorry you are in this situation flowers

badbaldingballerina123 Sat 02-May-15 08:22:58

I agree with twirly, people rarely admit it. Even when there is evidence they will still only admit to what you already know. Many people accept their daft excuses because they don't want it to be true.

I would say nothing more about it but would try and find some evidence. It's fairly easy to establish whether he is really at the gym.

18yearsoftrying Sat 02-May-15 08:24:29

OP, would you go to the gym without kit?

Would you want to be seen without child's seat if you didn't want someone to know you had a child?

Did he often have verbal diarrhoea pre this person?

Sorry flowers I think your gut instinct is correct.

AnnaFiveTowns Sat 02-May-15 09:28:06

Trust your instinct; it sounds right to me. Sorry.

Poshsausage Sat 02-May-15 09:28:24

Well fuk me guess who just found a phone !!!!!
Shame the fucker is flat and I can't find an old charger for it

woowoo22 Sat 02-May-15 09:34:16

So you asked him outright? What did he say?

BifsWif Sat 02-May-15 09:47:20

What phone is it posh? Can you get a charger anywhere in town/ebay?

eskimobiscuits Sat 02-May-15 10:03:09

It makes me a little sick that your partner think he can just discount his child and forget about them the way he is. Bleurgh.

Idontseeanydragons Sat 02-May-15 10:07:17

thanks For you x
Wrt the phone I find that a Samsung charger if you have one fits a lot of other phones.

Poshsausage Sat 02-May-15 10:09:39

Nokia e75 it said on it
No reason to have it I think personally
Ha ha it's so typical it's laughable and predictable I almost feel like I'm making it up ! Like when you read other posting like this and you get all Hooked thinking ooooo can see where this is going !
I'll have to think
His reaction was sort of fuck off I'm not interested in anything else

I know if my partner was worried I was cheating id be so hurt that they were hurting and give them a hug and say don't worry

Poshsausage Sat 02-May-15 10:11:00

Thanks dragons we have boxes of old ones kicking about I'll have a look
Be stupid not to

Cooroo Sat 02-May-15 10:18:15

I just knew when it happened to me. And he denied it once but failed the second time I challenged him, but it had all happened very quickly, I don't think he had time to learn how to lie and deceive.

Tough times OP. I really hope you're worrying over nothing, but the gut feeling is pretty reliable. It's shit. Get support, it does get better again eventually.

shewept Sat 02-May-15 10:24:06

He has a spare phone?? That your didn't know about??

Well that's dodgy and he has obviously thought this out.

I am so sorry op.

TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 02-May-15 10:25:43

Moved for you

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now