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So I've ended up being a very bad wife and OW...

(158 Posts)
badow Fri 01-May-15 20:55:38

I've namechanged for obvious reasons. I know that you will all absolutely slaughter me but I need to vent. I haven't told anyone about this so can't talk to anyone.

I'm making a very long story short. My marriage is bad and has been for a while. I've stayed for the DC's.

About a month or so ago I felt bored and lonely and joined a cheating site. It was only to chat with men and I had no intentions of actually meeting up with anyone.

As there are far more men on these sites than women I was drowned in messages and started chatting to a few. I really enjoyed chatting to some of these men and was soon persuaded to meet up.

I've met up with three. All married and all seem like really decent and sweet guys. (I know they're not as sweet and decent guys are not on these websites.) I think that as I don't have great confidence or consider myself attractive I was very flattered that these guys all want to sleep with me.

I slept with one of them, it was good sex and also good as I feel nothing for him so won't get hurt. (Selfish, I know!)

The other two guys I went for coffee with after making it clear to him I had changed my mind and nothing would happen. It was so nice though and we had such a good conversation about our lives I started to really, really like him. I still like him. We've said that we'll meet up again sometime but he lives far away so it probably won't happen.

My real problem though is this third guy, I am really falling for him! And that is not what I signed up for!

We met for drinks one night after work (both "working late"). He was telling me all about his life, how he adores his wife and would be devastated if she found out, how he sees himself growing old with her etc. All good so far because at this stage I felt nothing for him, I wasn't even sure I wanted to sleep with him. This was almost two weeks ago.

He then continues to message me EVERY day continuously throughout the day, the sweetest messages ever. And also very naughty ones. We also talk on the phone. I've been trying to hold back, and to not let my guard down. In fact I've been very reserved.

We met up again this week at lunchtime and just went for a long walk together. Chatting. And kissing. (In public, so very risky.)

We are both constantly reminding each other that we must make sure this does not go to far, that we mustn't get carried away and we've agreed we will end it as soon as one of us start feeling too much.

But here I am! Feeling too much! And I don't want to end it! I knew it was a risky game to start with but I really really didn't think I'd start growing strong feelings for him.

We have not had sex yet although it's been scheduled within the next week. I know I really shouldn't go through with it. But I crave it. I crave him.

I know that I must end it or it's all gonna end in tears. Hopefully just from my side but I realise that there's a lot of people at risk of getting hurt here.

Maybe if you guys all shout at me and remind me of what a horrible person I am being I will stop?

Doobydoo Fri 01-May-15 20:57:41


parsnipbob Fri 01-May-15 21:02:24

OP why are you still in your unhappy marriage? How old are your DCs?

The concept of staying for the sake of the children is not a healthy one. Your DCs will know you are unhappy. It is worse for them in the long run.

Eminado Fri 01-May-15 21:03:39

No words.

CtrlAltDelicious Fri 01-May-15 21:04:31

Isn't this is what Dear Deirdre is for?

Fauxlivia Fri 01-May-15 21:04:42

He is a sleaze and you are enabling him to be so. Don't be a mug and either sort your marriage or leave it so both you and your h can find someone free to commit.

I've never understood why a woman would willingly be someone's bit on the side - always the dirty secret and always second place!

SurlyCue Fri 01-May-15 21:05:27

You want advice on how to handle your affair?

Good luck.

NightsOfGethsemane Fri 01-May-15 21:05:32

About a month or so ago I felt bored and lonely and joined a cheating site. It was only to chat with men and I had no intentions of actually meeting up with anyone.

Bollocks. You wouldn't have signed up if you really had no intention of meeting anyone. Don't lie to yourself.

These men are not 'decent and sweet guys'. They have joined a cheating site with the expressed intention of shagging someone other than their wives. Their actions are frankly detestable. As are yours. If you want to fuck married men then have the common decency to end your marriage first.

badow Fri 01-May-15 21:06:21

Thanks parsnipbob, I know I should leave. I've been telling myself weekly for the last few years that I must end our marriage.

But at the same time in scared of hurting my DH's feelings by telling him I want to leave. He's not a horrible man, I'm just not in love with him anymore and he does not make me happy.

I'm also thinking it's better for the DC's to have their parents living together.

But what I'm doing now is better for no one.

obviouslyneedsupernanny Fri 01-May-15 21:06:34

You're disgusting

SandysMam Fri 01-May-15 21:07:05

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

YouPooPooBumBum Fri 01-May-15 21:08:25

^ what she said.

offside Fri 01-May-15 21:08:31

Oh my, you do have some front!!

Have you not read any of the heartbreaking threads about broken marriages and distraught children because of women like you and men like those you're entertaining?

You're selfish, self centred and dispicable.

Smellyoulateralligator Fri 01-May-15 21:09:16

You're both fairly sleazy tbh. My advice is to grow up.

parsnipbob Fri 01-May-15 21:09:42

OP it's better for them to have parents living apart than unhappy parents living together. If they find out about your affairs you will be blamed and they will help you.

I understand the impulse behind what you're doing but you will break your own heart, your DHs and your DCs.

When you say the marriage is not happy, is your DH not unhappy too? Have you talked about it? What are the issues?

These men have wives who would be devastated by their actions. Don't facilitate them. Search for OpheliaRose's recent threads on here to see how horrendously painful this is for the wife.

CarolPeletier Fri 01-May-15 21:10:01

I call troll, but if you are real - you are a very selfish. You chose to join the site, you chose to sleep with another man/men.
I hope your husband finds out and is able to move on and find someone worth his time.
Get over yourself, these men are using you for sex and feel nothing whatsoever.
Grow up!

loveyoutothemoon Fri 01-May-15 21:10:11

Not hurting his feelings?? This is worse, he deserves better, and happiness!
And yes as other posters have said, you are disgusting!

AGirlCalledBoB Fri 01-May-15 21:10:14

So in a month, you have slept with one man, went on a date with another and now falling for a third... All behind your husband's back. For someone who is feeling bad about what she is doing, you are moving fast with these men.

Everything about it is disgusting. These men are cheating and so are you. If you are unhappy then leave, your kids will be hurt by this.

Cassie258 Fri 01-May-15 21:10:33

You don't have to feel bad. These things happen. Marriages don't always work out and sometimes people look elsewhere. It doesn't mean you or they are bad people. You've just done a bad thing.

What are your husbands feelings about the marriage? Could you agree to an open relationship.

How old are DC? Is staying really helping them?

SurlyCue Fri 01-May-15 21:10:43

But at the same time in scared of hurting my DH's feelings by telling him I want to leave.

But not scared to hurt his feelings by cheating? hmm

You are a coward. You wamt to leave but havent the guts to just be honest and do it so youve created an out for yourself. Youre hoping he does find out so he'll make the decision for you. Its fucking cowardly and unbelievably cruel.

Wadingthroughsoup Fri 01-May-15 21:11:22

I think you've got a HUGE problem with your self-esteem. Either that or you're just strangely detached from the sort of feelings and loyalties that most other people have.

My advice is to leave the cheating website immediately, cut all contact with these men, and have a good long think about what you need to do next. That might be giving your marriage another chance, or it might be separating from your H. But either way, I think you should seek some counselling or psychotherapy to address what appears to be a major problem with your self esteem.

Good luck.

loveyoutothemoon Fri 01-May-15 21:11:41

parsnipbob SPOT ON!

Justusemyname Fri 01-May-15 21:11:42

These men could have wives who are on here. Their wives could be posters you have interacted with, had support from, made friends with...

Self serving posts. Grow up and stop being a twat. Either get divorced or stay married and make it work but stop fucking/snogging in public (oh the dramamhmm) other women's husbands.

badow Fri 01-May-15 21:11:43

I've been following OpheliaRose's thread. It's made me feel awful.

Thanks for all your replies. Definitely a dose of what I needed.

I know in a slag and and absolutely awful person, I suppose I just needed to hear it. Will definitely end this on Tuesday.

offside Fri 01-May-15 21:12:00

Hurting your DH'd feelings? You'd be doing him a massive favour. If you stay and you're found out, you do realise your children will grow up knowing their mum tore their family apart? You can live with that but you can't live with hurting your DH's feelings by letting him go? This is nothing to do with your DH's feelings, if it was you wouldn't be doing what you're doing. Please let the poor man go to have a happy committed life with someone who deserves him.

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