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My ex takes the piss

(34 Posts)
TaliZorahVasNormandy Thu 30-Apr-15 20:53:50

My ex owes me 300 (Nearly 400) quid in child support. Hes jobless again and hasnt paid in 3 months.

Now I'm sat in tears because I cant afford to take my DD on holiday in wales in but he's paying for a wedding.

Now I wear crappy clothes, I have like 2 pairs of shoes, 2 pairs of trousers. I rarely treat myself. I'm on JSA which is utter shit, I'm getting poorer and poorer. I'm trying to find work but its looking pretty shit for me atm (70 cvs out in 6 weeks and only 3 had jobs.

He hardly sees her and if he does its because his parents do the running around.

Now I've chased him, he's magically going to find £150. He wouldnt have done this unless I actually chased him.

I'm so fucking annoyed, I fee like an utter failure as parent. But he makes no sacrifices like I have too. I've been picking up his slack 6 years, while he does what he likes.

DD just handed me a note say she loves me because I'm upset. Which is making me cry even more.

What do I say to the loser to actually get home the point hes a shit father.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 30-Apr-15 20:56:03

What about income support and child tax credit?

Obviously the scumbag should pay but you shouldn't have to rely on it - is there any chance you're not getting what you're entitled to?

AnyFucker Thu 30-Apr-15 20:56:19

Don't waste your breath and your headspace, love

If he doesn't know how to be a good fether now then he never will

carry on building your own life as best as you can

are his child maintenance payments ordered by the court/CSA ?

if not, they should be

TaliZorahVasNormandy Thu 30-Apr-15 20:59:29

My DD is 8 so I'm not entitled to IS anymore. I have everything I'm entitled too but Im still poor. My rent went up and my Housing benefit went down.

We have a private agreement for CS but I have a case still active CSA. If I went back to CSA I'd get even less because hes on JSA.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 30-Apr-15 21:01:41

That's really crappy. What's the likelihood of you getting work? Are you in a deprived area?

TaliZorahVasNormandy Thu 30-Apr-15 21:03:06

Its a not a deprived area. I'm just really unemployable it seems.

AnyFucker Thu 30-Apr-15 21:05:30

it is crap, I'm sorry thanks

TaliZorahVasNormandy Thu 30-Apr-15 21:25:21

Fuck me. I'm so angry now.

AnyFucker Thu 30-Apr-15 21:34:11

I don't blame you angry

TaliZorahVasNormandy Thu 30-Apr-15 21:38:37

I've just gone feral on him. I'm sick of his shit parenting. He also came out with that he asked his mum and dad for money and they told him to say "I cant give you money"

So they are effectively support his not paying for their grandchild.

He's becoming a stranger to his daughter if he doesnt man up.

He can pay to get married but he cant afford to support his own child.

What a cunt!!

AnyFucker Thu 30-Apr-15 21:49:06


TaliZorahVasNormandy Thu 30-Apr-15 22:02:34

Oh he just sent me this little pearl.

I want to see xxx more but I have no money and you won't drive her here and drop her off so what am i supposed to do

AnyFucker Thu 30-Apr-15 22:03:33

Reply: go fuck yourself

TaliZorahVasNormandy Thu 30-Apr-15 22:06:08

This is my reply. As you can tell, I'm mad

You taking the fucking piss you really do. Why the fuck should I have to drive her and spend more money, taking away things from her so you can make a half arsed attempt at parenting. When you were working you barely saw her, you chose to move so far away. You cant even spell her own damn name right. I will not do your job parenting her, I have to do my own and when shes an adult, at least I can say I did my best. You can answer to her. I want that money by tuesday, unless you want your child to go with out, you'd get it. I will not let you take the piss any more. Grow up and take some responsiblity for once, you are 42 years old. You have my details. I better see that money in my account on tuesday morning. End of.

cozietoesie Thu 30-Apr-15 22:06:56

Unusually for me, I'd reply in even stronger terms.

cozietoesie Thu 30-Apr-15 22:08:57

Sorry - that was a response to AF's post.

I wouldn't send that length of response. I would just send a 'Could I have the money by Tuesday.' and leave it at that.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Thu 30-Apr-15 22:12:06

Oh I'm shaking with rage now. He just used the social services involvement against me. I refused to even dignify that with a response.

FujimotosElixir Thu 30-Apr-15 22:13:58

id perhaps ask his parents if they actually said that.

FujimotosElixir Thu 30-Apr-15 22:15:35

ss involvement? what for?

LadySybilLikesSloeGin Thu 30-Apr-15 22:16:11

I've been waiting for my ex to pay 1.5k of maintenance arrears for the past 2 years. It's now with the court (he's not in the UK) and he 'conveniently' lost his job in August (couldn't be arsed to tell me though).

What you need to do is think about what you can do. Do you have hidden skills? Can you set something up for yourself? If you can't get a job, why not make a job. Are you meticulously clean? Make some cards, put them up in the newsagent's windows and get yourself some clients who need a hand cleaning. Can you type? There's web sites for people who are looking for virtual PA's. He's taking the piss. This isn't going to change. All that will change is how you view life.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Thu 30-Apr-15 23:02:15

I'm trying really hard to find work. I have an employment advisor to help me. I apply for anything I can do.

SS got involved after I took an overdose due to severe PND that got worse and worse due to ex cheating on me, making me feel paranoid. Then he left me with then 18 month old DD, while I was still unwell. I could barely get out of bed when he was still here, I let cleaning go to shit. I wasnt me at all.

I'm not proud of the overdose and will always feel guilty because of it. I worked hard to get her back and we have had a good 5 years since then. She is my world and I'd do anything for her.

People have told me that I'm doing a great job with her, I'm not perfect, but shes a great little lady and I'm proud of that.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin Thu 30-Apr-15 23:05:57

smile No judging here. My ex is a shitbag too. Ds is 16 now and it really is easier for you to be your own boss. You choose your own hours, you choose how much work you want, you make it happen. Think about what you can do, find that gap in the market. Look into funding, there's usually a way.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Thu 30-Apr-15 23:10:47

I wish I could my hobby into a career, its the one thing I do reasonably well.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin Thu 30-Apr-15 23:12:14

What is it? smile

TaliZorahVasNormandy Thu 30-Apr-15 23:13:27

I do a lot of writing, fan fiction and some of my own things.

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