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HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on...part 6.

999 replies

WellWhoKnew · 23/04/2015 22:11

If you are struggling to come to terms with the ending of your marriage, no matter how that came about, nor how long it's been, this is the place where you come to say SHIT THIS IS HARD, when you hit those times of despair.

It is the place where it is never rude to interrupt if you're having a bad day and need to vent. No matter what.

It is a place where no one will tell you to 'move on', 'get over it', or 'at least you've got...'

I've also learnt there's actually a helluva lot of studies into 'delayed shock', which occurs around about months 4 - 6 after the trauma. So if you're surrounded by people (or indeed yourself!) expecting you to be 'getting over it by now', and you're feeling worse than ever...then this is why this thread began. You're pretty normal - it's just the 'real world' ain't dealing with this shit.

And if you're one of those for whom the profound shock has just registered on the Richter scale: it's horrendous. You too belong here.

It is the place where the only thing anyone will tell you to do is keep on keeping on (KOKO) and when you feel you can't: that's okay too. Try again tomorrow.

Amongst the shit, there are always giggles. But the only rule is: It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles. No apology necessary.

The bar, owned by Hobbit, but run by committee, is open to all as we wind our way through divorce, come to terms with our individual circumstances, or just cope with adjusting to a new life.

As for some glossary terms:

Jess is our dog, also owned by Hobbit, but here by popular demand. She perseveres with us all needing a daily dosage of her. Hobbit being the fabulous woman she is makes sure we are taken care of.

Izzitinis are a revolting drink. Izzie is gorgeous and inspirational but misguided in the world of bar cocktails.

No. 6's is what we are/were married to. Check out an earlier thread for what we actually call them.

My name is WellWhoKnew. I am divorced. He left me just shy of 12 months ago. He planned it, I was blindsided. Throughout my horrendous divorce, I learnt that our individual situations are always different, our feelings are the pretty much the same - although not necessarily the same at any given moment in time. THIS SHIT IS HARD with moments of light relief.

And our feelings are valid. Equally.

Our values, our opinions, ourselves matter. As well. No matter what they say.

I am trying to rebuild my life. I'm leaving the deadwood behind. I'm learning to laugh again. One day, I will 'move on', 'get over it' and be thankful that I've got what I've got. Until then I KOKO.

The previous thread is this one:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2352545-HOBBITS-BAR-still-finding-it-hard-to-move-on-part-5?msgid=53939716

If you wish to follow from the start, then click on the link above and find all previous links there.

And when times get hard, or you need some motivation, then this song sums it up.

HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on...part 6.

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iwashappy · 23/04/2015 22:23

Hello everyone, thank your for the new thread WWK.

I am iwas and my background is thus - I was happily married for 25 years to a man (known on here as Sid) I considered lovely, kind and decent. We are in our late fifties with a DS 22 and DD 16. I suspected last August that my husband was having an affair with a much younger woman who lives very close by and who I knew and was friendly with. It turned out that he had been seeing her for nearly a year and it also came to light that his first marriage had ended because he had also cheated on his first wife. That was the first I knew of it, he had lied to me about that too.

I ended our marriage at that point as he had lied to me throughout our marriage and I no longer believed that cheating was out of character for him. Since then I have found out that he had cheated on me throughout our marriage with a string of women.

He resumed seeing the OW the very day I ended our marriage and is effectively living with her next door. We also run a business together which is located in the grounds of our house.

I ended our marriage at the beginning of December and we are in the process of getting divorced.