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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Bloody SIL wants to visit again

189 replies

midlifehope · 21/04/2015 21:26

Again at worst possible time! We live by beach. No one visits in winter - in summer everyone interested. However this year I will be heavily pregnant / about to be in labour / in labour. Also we will be moving house locally or recently moved. I want them to respect our space, but they are insistent - saying they will camp in garden and only stay a night or two. What would you do / say?

Ps when do announced our pregnancy to her, sister in law simply said 'oh no'.....

Now they want to visit at a very vulnerable time and I can't seem to put them off!

OP posts:

Report

fuzzywuzzy · 21/04/2015 21:28

Say no, that's not good time for us.

Is it SIL as in your brothers Wife or your husbands brothers wife? If the latter get your DH to say no.

CitySnicker · 21/04/2015 21:28

How about; 'ooooooh, no!'

Whocansay · 21/04/2015 21:29

Say no. Repeat.

Give them the number for a campsite if they want to camp.

It's your home and your choice.

AlternativeTentacles · 21/04/2015 21:31

'Oh no'?

DinosaursRoar · 21/04/2015 21:33

"no, we've said no visitors this summer, if you want to stay somewhere else locally, we'll try to meet up with you for a day, but we are saying no to everyone staying with us, i'm sure you understand, it's so stressful hosting, even if it's just camping in the garden." repeat. repeat.

they are being rude by pushing you, you are allowed to push back. It's always ok to be rude to rude people.

Pyjamaface · 21/04/2015 21:34

You say 'No. It's not a good time, we're busy. No you can't camp in the garden either. How about xxx date instead? (if you really must)'

And then repeat over and over.

Your DH needs to say the same as well.

As an aside, why do people think camping in someones garden is a good space creating idea? My SIL has also suggested visiting, and wants to camp in the garden with MIL and 5 children. I still only have 1 bathroom and a tiny house, I cannot physically fit them all in short of eating in shifts and a bloody bathroom schedule sheldon was right all along

Sorry for ranting but it confuses me

DinosaursRoar · 21/04/2015 21:35

oh and "but we'll be no bother" - reply with "I really don't want anyone staying, including you in the garden. Really, there's lots of other camp sites nearby, I don't want anyone staying at all."

Quitelikely · 21/04/2015 21:35

Going against the majority here. Why not let them camp in the garden? Where is the harm?

Mintyy · 21/04/2015 21:37

Why did she say "oh no". Is that really all she said?

Pyjamaface · 21/04/2015 21:37

Because they wouldn't stay in the garden.

They would be in the house during the day, they would want to use the bathroom, eat with you each day, watch the tv etc etc

DinosaursRoar · 21/04/2015 21:45

Quitelikely - agree with PJface - they'll be not bringing toilets and showers with them, they won't bring full cooking facilities and stay in the garden/do their own thing, they'll be as much bother as if they were in the spare room. The tent will be for sleeping in, other than that, the OP will be hosting them just as much as if they were sleeping in their house.

Quitelikely · 21/04/2015 21:46

Ok well how about offering an alternative date?

I'm if the opinion that since your SiL obviously likes spending time with you and your family you should show her some hospitality given that you are married to her brother.

Obviously if she was rotten to you then it would be different but imo being pregnant isn't a strong reason to refuse family a visit for a few days.

nauticant · 21/04/2015 21:49

Or, stay with me while I work through this, the OP doesn't want any guests at that time and (this is the tricky bit) since it's the OP's house her wishes actually trump those of her SIL.

Did everyone manage to stay with me or did I lose some of you?

midlifehope · 21/04/2015 21:52

Quite likely it will most probably be on or near my due date. I'm not gonna want to exchange pleasantries.

OP posts:

ZenNudist · 21/04/2015 21:52

Let her stay when you're very pregnant. Ask them to muck in with feeding themselves cleaning and tidying up after themselves. If it's only for a long weekend what's the real problem?

If you go into labour early you will be in hospital and they've gone by when you get back.

Why did she say oh no?

fannyfanakapan · 21/04/2015 21:52

OP, I think just reiterate "no, I cant be entertaining you all with a new baby, so no, you cant come here....." but offer a cheery - how about next year instead?

ZenNudist · 21/04/2015 21:53

Xpost yanbu to refuse visitors by the time you're due! Why can't they come earlier?

LilQueenie · 21/04/2015 21:55

Quitelikely its the fact that they only want to visit in the good weather for the purpose of being near a beach and having said "oh no" during the announcement of a pregnancy the SIL sounds utterly horrible anyway.

OP be firm and insistent when saying no. If she turns up on the doorstep then she is being plain rude and I just wouldnt answer at all. either way it could be stressful but in the long run you will have stood your ground which will do a lot for you in the long term. BTW Ive been in the same situation where a very insitent and pushy relative used to getting her own way tried to tell me when to be in as she would be visiting. I went out and ignored the calls from then on. Point was made and finally she got the message.

Gibble1 · 21/04/2015 21:56

Why would you want people camping in your back garden? It would destroy your lawn!

wizzler · 21/04/2015 21:57

yanbu. In the run up to the birth you need to be able to relax.. not be worrying about whether the bathroom is free, or who is traipsing into your kitchen. Say no... get your DH to say no...

Why are they so insistent ?

Inertia · 21/04/2015 21:59

I would say no, and camping is not on either.

Anniegetyourgun · 21/04/2015 22:00

She doesn't want to spend time with them. She wants to spend time at the seaside for which their gaff is handy. And if one doesn't want people to stay at an inconvenient time, that's as strong a reason as you need, surely?

"No, that doesn't work for us" is the most appropriate response, repeated as many times as it takes.

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MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 21/04/2015 22:02

Perhaps tell her you're planning a home birth?

What does your dh say?

Anniegetyourgun · 21/04/2015 22:04

Nooo, they'll want to take pictures!

Rivercam · 21/04/2015 22:06

Congrats on the pregnancy.

Be firm and strong. Explain why and then leave it at that. Make sure your husband is singing off the same hymn sheet. Don't let them camp. There's plenty of B and B or camping sites that can provide accomadation if they have to visit that weekend.

Don't let them stay when the baby is born either - your priority is yourself and your baby and dh, not relatives. When you are pregnant, you are fully entitled to be a little selfish ( actually, they are the selfish ones wanting to stay!).

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