I started a thread some time ago as a support for people who suffered sexual abuse as children. It went on for quite some time and I think people found it helpful. It fizzled out for various reasons but I'm thinking now is a time to get it going again.
I was abused as a child, by two family friends. My family entirely ignored it, and when I tried to talk to my mother about it she basically told me to shut up. It affected my life massively as a teenager and led to some self-destructive behaviour in my twenties. But with the help of my massively supportive DH (without whom I don't know where I'd have ended up), MN, and some really great friends, I feel like I've dealt with it to a large extent and it no longer has such a hold on my life.
This thread is intended for people who want to talk about their experiences with abuse - either themselves, or those they love. You can share as much or as little as you like. You can just come on and say you're here, you don't have to contribute anything. This will be a safe space to chat to people who understand what you're dealing with. Hopefully it will help.
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Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse
cailindana · 10/03/2015 14:17
Hello all, I was abused by my dad from age 11 to 13, every day.
My mum was an absolute waste of space and did not help at all, in fact the things she said put my healing back for so long. (I should shut up complaining because he bought me everything I wanted, I was still a virgin so nothing had really happened, stop making such a fuss and being a drama queen, etc etc etc) I have recently moved back to the area where we lived then and a lot more memories have come back for me about how isolated and unsupported I felt. So I have recently gone NC with her as I am so angry (not just about that, other things too, she treats my son very poorly.) I have not seen my dad since 1989 (and good feckin riddance!)
I spent my late teens and twenties an absolute mess, drugs and alchohol, was in a very abusive relationship early twenties with a man who verbally abused me and raped me several times. I was able to get out with help of friends but then ended up with a passive aggressive alcoholic man-child for 7 years.
Everything changed when I met my H, I moved areas to be with him and his son (now my son as I've been raising him since he was 5) My H was a founding member of the first ever UK support group for male survivors of abuse. Being with another survivor and knowing that he "got it" was an absolute revelation for me. There was an absolute trust there for us that I had never experienced before.
We set up an online forum for abuse survivors and kept it going for about 5 years, we helped a lot of people and we knew there were abusers in jail because of the support we had given people, and equally there were survivors alive and thriving who had been able to move on with our support (I mean the whole forum, not just us two!)
Sadly the marriage didn't last and he ended up moving in with another woman and a while later he died very suddenly 
I had to take the forum offline as I couldn't cope at the time.
They say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and it's absolutely true for me. Every pain I've been through has built more and more strength and will in me. I now know I can survive anything life throws at me.
Oh and would just like to add that any survivor who is worried they will never be able to enjoy sexual activity, YES YOU CAN. It takes some work and can be incredibly challenging and you will need a partner you can trust utterly (which in itself is difficult for us) but you can get there. My sex life is bloody amazing! 
Thank you so much for posting everyone, I've come down with some bug but will be back asap 
Thank you for posting Linguini. Post again whenever you feel able
Cailin, thank you. I am very close to my sister and we support each other emotionally (and practically) a lot. I also had some more therapy sessions a couple of years ago. (I also attended quite a few with my son after my H died but that was more in support of his grief.)
Day to day now, I rarely think about the abuse. Or rather, I can think about it factually and say "I'm a survivor of abuse" without that causing feelings of fear, pain or shame, or having flashbacks.
I am very open and matter of fact with people about my history. I feel like every time I say "I was sexually abused as a child" it's one more brick taken out of the wall of silence, if you know what I mean. When I first started talking, that wall was fucking massive! It was made out of huge slabs of ice and towered over me and threatened to crush me if I spoke out. Now it's like a tiny decorative garden wall that I can step over without even thinking about 
I am very assertive and several times have challenged people using hurtful language (e.g. colleagues saying "ooh it's so busy today, we're gonna get raped on volume".) I would say of all the times I talk about being an abuse survivor, probably 9 times out of 10 someone who heard will approach me afterwards and say "Thank you, I'm a survivor too but I couldn't say anything."
I think it's really important for us to break those walls of silence that our abusers (and often our families) have constructed. They absolutely stop us reaching out for the help that we need. This was the hardest part for me, in healing. To be able to talk out loud.
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