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Where is DH?

(71 Posts)
dontknowwhattdotoday Thu 05-Mar-15 20:15:15

Nc'd for this as I feel so embarrassed.

DH is away at a work conference tonight. We had an argument last night, so things were a bit tense this morning. A few snatched calls/texts/emails today haven't gone well. So at tea time, I tried to call both his personal and work phones but no answer. So I phoned the hotel to ask to be put through to his room in case he had switched phones off to be quiet in conference meetings. Hotel say he is not there and there is no conference from his company at the hotel.

Fuck. I feel like such a fool.

He's been travelling a lot more for work recently, it was making me anxious, so we talked about it and agreed I should go with him sometimes. I did a couple of weeks ago and it was lovely. When this conference came up, he said I couldn't go with him (even though I have been to a similar one with him before as it is at a hotel with a spa) because he was worried it might make him look weak in front of his colleagues. Him saying that hurt a lot so I cried. Next day he sent through lots of links for a nice B& B close by the hotel, saying why didn't I stay there, I could stay there for night of conference, he would try to join me for a bit then we could stay for the weekend afterwards.

He's fucking one of his colleagues isn't he?

He's been disinterested in sex since about Xmas, still likes a cuddle and a flirt but said it's because I have been unwell, he feels protective of me, not
sexual towards me and it takes time to switch his head round.

One of the reasons I got really upset about his travelling was my mum and dad split up when I was little, after my dad used travelling a lot for work as a cover for an affair. I cried and cried telling him about this. He said i shouldn't worry he would never do that to me and I could come with him some of his trips.

Sometimes he leaves his personal phone at home and there have been lots of witheld number calls during the day the last few weeks, they hang up when I answer. It worried me a little at the time. but now everything is starting to make sense and I feel like my whole world is collapsing.

Both his phones are switched off, going to straight to voicemail and I have no idea where he is.

TheoriginalLEM Thu 05-Mar-15 20:19:30

are you sure you have the right details for the hotel?

dontknowwhattdotoday Thu 05-Mar-15 20:23:00

Thank you. Yes, I asked him if it was going to be at the same one as the last one, when I was wondering if I could go with him. I've stayed there with him before. He said it was. I have the details of the nearby b&b he suggested in an email. I have been wracking my brain trying to think how I might have got that one wrong. Maybe they changed the hotel at the last minute, but i thinkt hat is me clutching at straws.

dontknowwhattdotoday Thu 05-Mar-15 20:24:46

He said a funny thing yesterday in an email about picking up something in this city on his way back from London. Then he said he didn't know what he meant by London, he just meant in the afternoon.

alwayslookingforsomething Thu 05-Mar-15 20:25:06

Do you know what sort of conference it is? You can look up the conference and it will let you know where it is held. Then you could call the hotel

alwayslookingforsomething Thu 05-Mar-15 20:25:38

Do you numbers for any of his colleagues?

TheoriginalLEM Thu 05-Mar-15 20:26:43

it doesn't sound great tbh but if he were up to no good surely he would leave his phone on so you didn't get suspicious.

when is he due back? i would ask innocuous questions about the hotel and see if he blatantly lies.


dontknowwhattdotoday Thu 05-Mar-15 20:27:26

He said it was a conference his firm were organising, only members of staff attending, so I don't think it will be advertised anywhere. I could try calling one of his colleague partners I am friendly with, but I think I am too embarrassed.

alwayslookingforsomething Thu 05-Mar-15 20:28:39

It is better to be a bit embarrassed and put your mind at rest

Branleuse Thu 05-Mar-15 20:31:34

big hugs. Im sorry. sad

TendonQueen Thu 05-Mar-15 20:32:29

I would wait for him to come back and let him trip himself up. Though I would also bet he will tell you the person you spoke at the hotel didn't know what they were talking about and got it wrong.

Face saving option: ring his boss and say you know he has a conference coming up and also some time off to see friends, he left in a hurry and you can't remember which trip it is, so can they tell you if it's the conference this week?

GinSoakedBitchyPony Thu 05-Mar-15 20:34:45

I don't know whether he's cheating or not.
What I do know is that I get tons of 'private number' or withheld calls on my mobile phone, and a lot of the time it hangs up when answered. That's because call centres, PPI sellers etc, technology is an auto dialler and if there's a lag between the auto dialler connecting and the actual worker in the call centre speaking, it will cut the call off. Happens lots.

GinSoakedBitchyPony Thu 05-Mar-15 20:35:43

I meant to say, I don't think he'd leave his personal phone lying around for you to answer when he's not home if he was up to something.
Or maybe he's just very careless?

Weebirdie Thu 05-Mar-15 20:39:13

I would be concerned because there's no conference at the hotel and he's not staying there either.

Tobyjugg Thu 05-Mar-15 20:49:40

Ring his office and ask if they know where he is?

Vbacornovbac Thu 05-Mar-15 20:51:37

thanks please don't panic. You have done nothing wrong and we can't control other people's actions. Your circumstances as a child were very different and even if your h is cheating (we don't know for sure) history cannot repeat itself. You will get through and the shame is on him not you.

In practical terms, I'd definitely call his boss if you have his / her number and ask about your dh whereabouts. You could say that you lost your mobile phone and need to let your dh know or something along these lines. Do it now before it gets too late. If this fails, try and detach and stay calm. Thing will work themselves out. thanks

faitaccompli Thu 05-Mar-15 20:52:07

It could be as simple as the fact that the conference is not huge, therefore the hotel may not term it a conference. It may just be a meeting. And if someone else booked the room, it may not be down under his name, but the name of his company, or the admin person who booked it.

Hope it is the above. I can't see why he would arrange for you to stay in the B&B nearby if he was up to no good.

SlightlyJaded Thu 05-Mar-15 21:01:22

Agree this could be innocent if it's very small scale and the Hotel don't know it's a conference (rather than a big national thing). How big was the one you went to? Was there signage over the hotel? (In other words would this be the sort of scale the hotel would know about?

Also. How usual/unusual is it for him to have his phones off?

dontknowwhattdotoday Thu 05-Mar-15 21:05:49

Very unusual for him to have his phones off for so long. Conference would be about 100 people. Last time it was on boards by the front desk as you walked into the hotel, the ones which say what is on in the ballroom, conference suite etc.

dontknowwhattdotoday Thu 05-Mar-15 21:07:49

Tried phoning his office, it's shut for the evening. His boss would be at the conference too. Trying to get courage up to phone colleague's wife before 9.30.

dontknowwhattdotoday Thu 05-Mar-15 21:12:21

No answer so I texted her. I feel really sick and like screaming at the same time.

CakeEqualsCurves Thu 05-Mar-15 21:15:05

Oh OP thanks the London thing sounds to me like he slipped up.

Homemadewhine Thu 05-Mar-15 21:58:23

It's very easy to jump to conclusions when you're feeling (understandably) anxious; but if you've never had reason to mistrust your DH before, don't automatically think bad of him now. Shelve those feelings and talk to him on his return to see if he can explain his actions smile

Patatas Thu 05-Mar-15 22:05:58

Try not to jump to conclusions just yet, wait until you can talk to him face to face, all of this worry may be for nothing.

Twinklestein Thu 05-Mar-15 22:06:50

So what's the story with London?

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