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why does my ex 'want to be friends' after his affair?

(23 Posts)
Ouchbloodyouch Thu 26-Feb-15 20:11:32

My ex cheated on me and left me for another woman. I was devastated and whilst I am fine now I am no way over it.
I think about him every day. I have followed NC as much as possible (I know NC is shit or bust but we have a joint business so I have had to have limited contact)
During our limited contact he has asked if we can be friends. I have said absolutely not. As soon as we divide interests he can go for good.
I received a text last night saying the OW is long gone and he 'really misses our friendship' and that we were friends before partners so could we go back to that?
Why? Surely this is code for oh it didn't work out with X so I am seeing if the door is open?
I don't know why I am asking really. I know the answers.

pocketsaviour Thu 26-Feb-15 20:12:49

Yep, either he wants to come back or he wants you on his reserve booty call squad.

Sorry OP. I've been there and it's shit. Stay strong and keep NC as much as poss.

MaudeLebowski Thu 26-Feb-15 20:14:24

Say 'No, you lost the right to my friendship when you put your dick in another woman.'

He is definitely trying to see if he still has you wrapped around his finger. (Not that you ever were, but you see what I mean)

balia Thu 26-Feb-15 20:15:16

"I don't need friends who fuck me over."

Cookiecake Thu 26-Feb-15 20:17:39

I thunk the other posters are right he perhaps wants to start something up with you again. I also think that sine times when someone cheats and acts badly they feel if they can then become friends with you they somehow justify to themselves that they didn't really do nothing wrong and they are a nice person. Whatever he is up to its not good and you don't deserve to be treated how he's treated you so I would just lgnore it as he's probably lonely it's finished with OW.

Love51 Thu 26-Feb-15 20:22:18

I can think of a few people who have done this to preserve their 'nice guy' image (mainly self-image). If you are friends then you have forgiven him, and his behaviour can't really have been too appalling, as it all worked out all right in the end. (That's what he can tell himself). He doesn't get to dictate the terms of the break up. You aren't obliged to be friends to make him look less of a cad.

Or he wants a shag. I may be overanalysing!

honeyroar Thu 26-Feb-15 20:28:50

I agree. Tell him you have enough friends that you don't need ones that lie and cheat on you. Then stay strong. You will get through this quicker without him.

anya79 Thu 26-Feb-15 20:36:07

Balias reply is shockingly good lol

Ouchbloodyouch Thu 26-Feb-15 20:39:04

Thanks all. I needed these words. I would love to go back with him. But back before he actually did me over ..when I was happy. I could never believe a word that came out of his mouth.
Normal conversations I'd always be second guessing.
There have been some excellent 'comebacks' on this thread. Thank you.
Still I am more than delighted his relationship has gone tits up! grin

MrsJohnLewis Thu 26-Feb-15 20:39:30

balia nails it.

Ouchbloodyouch Thu 26-Feb-15 20:41:43

I feel a lot more empowered for posting. Thank you x

JenniferGovernment Thu 26-Feb-15 20:42:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twinklestein Thu 26-Feb-15 20:56:05

OW dumped him, things didn't pan out how he thought, he's lonely, it's more convenient to be friends, he might fancy a booty call, he wants to see if he can still pull you, he doesn't have to feel guilty if you're over it.

All very good reasons to tell him to do one. I like MaudeLebowski's reply best.

SoleSource Thu 26-Feb-15 20:59:36

So you'll sleep with him. Simples.

Ouchbloodyouch Thu 26-Feb-15 21:09:49

Id like to think I won't WANT To solesource. If I do more fool me.

CurlyWurlyCake Thu 26-Feb-15 21:15:23

He wants to see if he can use his amazing charm to get you back in to bed with him.

That is the same amazing charm he used on the other women behind your back.

Paddlingduck Thu 26-Feb-15 21:21:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ouchbloodyouch Thu 26-Feb-15 21:23:10

Oh I like that paddling

BlooMoon Thu 26-Feb-15 21:41:04

I agree with the others - either he's trying to make himself feel like Mr Nice Guy, or he's trying to get back with you.

I've been (still am really) in your position. I can't do NC because of our shared kids, but I do practise NUC (no unnecessary contact). His texts to me consist of niceties such as wishing me a pleasant journey. Mine to him are purely factual. Much easier that way.

He's never had the balls to ask me for friendship, but if he did, my reply would be something along the lines of: Friendship needs to be earned, based on mutual respect, trust and kindness.

Good luck. You are well rid, especially reading your post that says you could never believe him, even when you were happy together.

magoria Thu 26-Feb-15 22:10:45

OW is gone. He is a little lonely until the next comes along. So who is better than Ouch to do for now until the next?

HopSkipCrash Fri 27-Feb-15 02:35:16

I also think that sine times when someone cheats and acts badly they feel if they can then become friends with you they somehow justify to themselves that they didn't really do nothing wrong and they are a nice person. this

LovesPeace Fri 27-Feb-15 04:00:47

My cheating ex declared he very much wanted to be friends with me.

I told him I would never be friends with someone who behaved like him, and that if any of my existing friends lied/cheated on their partners, I'd disown them too.

Seemed to do the trick. grin

jessica361 Mon 14-Dec-15 03:37:14

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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