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Can you/Do you ever get over your first love?

(29 Posts)
3CPO Thu 19-Oct-06 14:25:52

I have changed my name for this one - and if u work it out please do not say it as DH know's my log on (usual story!) anyhow,

basically, I was with my first love at 16 (we got together when we left school) his mum/my dad went to school together etc, we were together for 6 months but in that tiem I totally fell for him, we were inseperatable (tbh I wish i'd waited to have him as my first etc but I diodn't anyhow) in those 6 months a lot happened to us - mainly I fell PG by him which was m/c shortly after - his mum never knew nor did any of his family, mine did however. we split up about 2 months after the m/c - (was an unplanned accident btw) mainly as I want to run away and forget everything - went mega off the rails started drinking staying out late - all the wrong things, anyhow, thought running away would solve the problem - he didn't want to leave our town with me - his answer 'why do I want to leave I don't know everyone here yet??' anyhow, we had a final drink together and parted on relatively good terms about 3 months after we split up. whilst I was away from 17.5 to 18.5 we didn't talk at all, I couldn't get over him etc more drinking bad relationships etc. anyhow I moved back closer to home and we met up - by chance (purely) as he was livcing close to my mum at the time, had a chat etc it was nice, he was single but I was with someone (He met someone new just b4 I moved away as well) he wanted us to start over but I felt I couldn't as this other bloke was soo nice (turned out to be a real coke head but that's another story) so we went our seperate ways again.

I moved in with DH shortly after and again moved to the other end of the country- DH has been brillinat to me - and i've given him some real shit, but he's always been honest and careing, I cheated on him once and felt like absolute shit so won't do it again. (was many moons ago b4 we were married) anyhow,

Ex still lives by mums and I saw him when I was last down there - we have been tlkaing - and finally after all this time we can have a conversation about what happened between us without one/the other running away from it and getting upset. the thing is thou my feelings are still there to an extent. and this is the scary part. he is and was my first love, the man who i'd gotten PG first by.

now I know damn well that he's a player, and also had the PG continuted I would prob now be a single mum in the worst part of twon etc (not that there's anything wrong with that) but i'd have never met my DH or had my son, both of whom I totally adore. DH and I have our ups and downs like any couple. the ex wants us to meet but only me - he's not intrested in my son, or the fact I have a child - so I know damn well his intentions (must stress nothing will ever and can't ever happen as i'm married first and foremost).

I just wonder how things would have turned out had I of said yes when I was 18 to him. he also slept with a so called mate of mine about 6 months after we split, and he's a terrible reputation for cheating on G/F's - something I said he'd do to me -if he hadn't when we were together, but he swears blind that he never would have and that we'd still be together.

I don't know why this is coming out now - sometimes I guess curiosity makes me wonder. as I say thou my DH/son are my world and life so I have no intentions of cheating or leaving my DH and I know he'd be upset to find out I still have feelings for an Ex.

can u ever get over your first love thou?

thanks for reading.

3CPO Thu 19-Oct-06 14:26:49

(sorry it's long- should point out as well when we first got together i'd come out of a long termish bad controlling relationship - so I wonder if that has anything to do with it?)

kama Thu 19-Oct-06 14:28:34

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DetentionGrrrl Thu 19-Oct-06 14:31:54

i think it's possible to think that the grass was greener etc, especially when it was a time when people were younger, had less responsibilities and so on. But, i'm still with my first love after 8 years, so i'm probably not the person to ask!

3CPO Thu 19-Oct-06 14:32:08

tbh I would be easy for me to have an affair in the respect I don't live in that town my DH would never find out etc but I owe my DH and son better - not to mention myself - I feel i'm worth more than a quick fumble in the jungle as it were. . so I could find out - but it's a whole can of worms I jsut don't want to open.

do u think these feelings will go away?

NOMurDErousPLUME Thu 19-Oct-06 14:33:58

I think you can get over your first love, yes, absolutely.

I have seen my 'first love' a couple of times since we spilt 8 years ago and I can honestly say that I feel no romantic or wistful feelings at all for him, or any of my exes.

3CPO Thu 19-Oct-06 14:36:19

thanks for your help anyways girls - I guess at the mintue it's a case of facing up to feelings I should have addressed when I was 16 instead of leaving it till now (althou it was far easier then just to run away and try too hide - ntot hat that did me any good!)

3CPO Thu 19-Oct-06 14:38:16

(also I guess it doens't help that ex has just taken over his father's business - and he's close to a millionaire - well is on paper - not that that's a reason but - has all the luxury cars etc)

althou I'm happy with my lot

NOMurDErousPLUME Thu 19-Oct-06 14:40:20

(C3PO, is your DH likely to read MN and be upset by this sort of thread ? I ask because you have a very distinctive style. I have no intention to out you, but be aware that your writing style is quite obviously yours, IYSWIM.)

3CPO Thu 19-Oct-06 14:41:38

he does if it's up yes.

expatinscotland Thu 19-Oct-06 14:46:00

Yes, you can.

In fact, you can move on and find someone who's even better suited to you and w/whom you find it easier to be happy.

LucyJones Thu 19-Oct-06 14:47:39

There's just no point in all these what ifs and buts wonderings is there? Doesn't do anyone any good imo

Mellowma Thu 19-Oct-06 14:50:55

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lupo Thu 19-Oct-06 14:59:21

mmm very interesting question. Must admit DH and I have had a few rough patches lately, and have been thinking about the ex quite a bit, we broke uo nearly 8 years ago , but that was due to both living in different countries. He was def my first love and for me will always be the one that got away. Just have such a strong feeling that we were soulmates and used to get on so much better than DH and I do sometimes.

I know times were different then and we didnt have a child. But cant help but feel what if sometimes ...

So know exactely how you feel. Also physicaal side of things as well as emotional side were great wheras dh has very low sex drive, get sick of initiating things all the time and miss feeling desired, but I guess thats another thread altogether ...

oxocube Thu 19-Oct-06 17:13:17

Of course you can! My first 'lov' if you can really call it that (probably childish infatuation is a better term) was at 16. When he dumped me, I thought my heart would break. When, a day later, he asked out a girl in my class at school, I cried every night for weeks. Now, 26 years on, it seems ludicrous. I certainly don't miss him, hardly ever think about him although I hope he has a nice, happy life. Seems strange that some people can cling on to these feelings for years and years.

oxocube Thu 19-Oct-06 17:13:49

LOVE not 'lov'!!

toiletrollmummy Thu 19-Oct-06 17:14:59

my first love and i are together after 12 years. we lost contact for nearly 8 of them and after i had 2 dc and a failed marraige we got it togther with help of friends 3 1/2 years ago and have a gorgeous dd3!!

WinkyWinkola Thu 19-Oct-06 18:30:06

I had lots of thoughts about my first love until I got married. But do you know what, I think a lot of my hankerings were to do with my ego.

You say that had your pregnancy continued, you would have been a single mum by now. Do you really believe that? Or maybe do you think that you would have been the one to be able to keep him on the straight and narrow?

It sounds to me like you had a lucky escape from this chap. He sounds a G.O.R.G.E.O.U.S. character with a reputation for cheating on girlfriends. On paper, he sounds 'orrible!

You're really really lucky to have who sounds like a super husband and son. I reckon it's so much more fun to enjoy the present and the future with them and to keep well away from seductive what if's from wide boys like this one!

3CPO Thu 19-Oct-06 19:17:03

winky - tbh I think that's how things would have gone in hindsight. we both wanted differnt things in a lot of ways - he wanted to earn money I wanted to travel, see the world and go to college. again when I started college things went pear shaped - prob a bit of envy on both sides tbh. in looks wise erm the closest likeness would prob be a jason stretham type look about him, but the other side the womanising bit as you say is v v undesireable, not to mention he had said some really horrible things when we split up which in some respects I can't fogive/forget.

thanksfully DH is amazing - as I say we have our moments but what couple don't.

trolly - lol - I think that's what his mum had planned! lol - when we split up she said - ah I got back with my first love again! - lol. definatly can't see anything like that happening, I took vows to love, honour and cherish, and forsaking all others so unless (god forbids) anything happens to DH then hopefully we'll be together always - althou I do try to leave him in tescos - the bugger keeps following me home thou!

oxo - now how u see things is where I'm hoping to be in another 20 years! (we're only 7 years on so still ealry ish days)

julezboo Thu 19-Oct-06 19:36:08

I got over mine hes with a good friend now and treats her and their boys like poo, soo glad i got shut of him 3

cori Thu 19-Oct-06 19:47:21

no I dont think you can, not if it was special. I met up with my first love for the first time in 15 years just a few days ago. The thing is he turned out to be Gay, but that hasnt changed the fact that he is/was an exceptional person. When I met him remebered why I was besotted by him at 18. I am glad he is gay though, so there can be no regrets. But even if he wasnt I would never risk what I have with DH, despite our ups and downs.

Cathy956 Thu 31-Jul-08 17:10:53

my first day as a 6th grader i saw this guy across the classroom. I dont know why but i couldn't stop thinking about him & stareing at him all the time. Yea in know i was just 13 but what i was feeling was real. I felt that i loved him & he seemed to love me 2. We where friends but we could of been together if i wouldn't of been so stupid. I was so shy that one day after school he asked me if i would like to be his girlfriend and i said "NO" & i regret it. The year was almost over & my mom told me she was changing me schools. I didnt want to because i would probably never see him again. The first year witout him was hard i would cry at night sumtimes. The second year witout him i felt i was getting over it but almost every month i dreamed about him. I even prayed for him & to one day see him again. Now its been three years & i still love him with all my heart . The other day as i was walking in2 the movie theater i saw him again. i felt so happy that i started crying bt i ran outside i couldnt let him see me not like i am right now i got fat... Im scared of him seeing me & not wanting to talk to me becuase of how i look. I love him so much... I would do anything 2 be with him. I cant forget him. there aint one day i dont wish 2 go bak to middle school & tell him yez instead of no. I know where he lives but i just dont have the balls to go & knock in his door & tell him that im that girl in his 6th grade class & that i still love him, he would probably think im crazy, & yea im crazy but crazy for him... Someone know what can i do 2 talk to him again....? I just dont want o 4get him!

expatinscotland Thu 31-Jul-08 17:13:01

um, yes.

sorry, but i've never been one to believe in 'soulmates' or 'the one'.

there are so many different kinds of love in this world, i can't see wasting my life stuck on just one.

Dior Thu 31-Jul-08 17:15:50

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quickdrawmcgraw Thu 31-Jul-08 17:18:27

I still get a little shiver when i think about mine although I love my dh to death and always will. I just googled first love and saw a pic (sigh)

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